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Greatest Year 2010 - The Story
Friday, December 31, 2010

This is it, the last day of 2010. Each 31th December of the year, we commemorate a year of our lives. It's interesting to see how everyone automatically takes a moment to reflect, maybe because of the concept of time, knowing we have progressed through life. And the one tangible measure of life is time.

This year has been the greatest year of my life ever. Even better than my past, but definitely will not surpass what's installed in the future. This year, so much things has happened. 2010 took me through plenty of ups and downs. But for every bad that happens, I count it all gain, as everything comes together to make life as it's philosophically known, life. And with it, I've grown exponentially, taking leaps and bounds.

Taking and living on a renewed calling, pushing myself to greater depths. Opening my heart for the reconciliation of relationships, learning how to love and loved. Building true friendships. Learning principles, experiencing miracles from my heart. Facing up to my deepest fears and hurts and learning to overcome them.

My mom asked me for one thing that I'm thankful for, thinking through all the great things that has happened so far, I think no other word will be suffice for the goodness of everything than this. I'm thankful for God, being God. Everything surrounding my life, especially that calling the burns stronger with time.

I'll have no choice but to admit, that surrounding all these wonders of the year is because of God. Found my first personal encounter with God, and life has never been any more meaningful since then. If one year in His calling amounts to so much, I'm sure the rest of the goodness of life cannot fit into my wildest of imaginations. And I'm excited for the future, day by day, and I watch and His hand unfolds His power in my life.

The second best thing of course would to be my greatest, bestest, miraculous gift from God to me. A true friend. One whom I have no walls with. One whom I can let down everything, and simply be me. One whom I can completely love without restraint and be loved in return till the point where people question if we're straight xD My inspiration and hero. My support, and partner. Sharing the same heart and goals, pushing each other forward.

My resolution for 2010, is to be refined into a better person, being able to impact more lives powerfully. And also for me to work on my relations with others.



For everything that has happened, shall do a simple recollection of all the memories and milestones from my journal this year. Refreshes my memory of the year, evcen those which I've long forgotten. Woah... over 200 posts O.O

[[ Click on the dates to link to the posts =D ]]
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[[ January ]]
Funny to look back and see how fast time has passed. I was only in year 1 then. Beginning of the season for a new change. Resolved to leave my facades and become truer with others. Learnt about self acceptance. Went through certain turbulence with Timothy. 2010's resolution was to become a better person.
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Jan 14th

First birthday in poly, looked forward to sharing it with friends. Was showered with gifts which I use til now. Things didn't go so well that day, was mostly alone but nonetheless, a day to remember =) Timothy spent some time to keep me company that day =)

Jan 15th

My goodbye letter to hq. Marks the first breakdown of our friendship. Lost the energy and will to continue pursuing her. Felt it was time I moved on to develop myself. Aimed to add life back into who I was, didn't want to let things get in my way.
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[[ February ]]
Reevaluation of my ways of friendship. Was at a low period due to declining friendships, especially a particular person close to me. Revealed a certain secret as well after accidentally being exposed Random memories of me falling and tearing a hole in my favourite pants =| won my first dollar from mahjong with relatives
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Feb 5th

2nd closing ceremony for Hiclub. Didn't really had a good experience because of all the committee stuff and responsibility.

Feb 11th

Wrote out a metaphor for Y. I like it when my emotions are at its peak, I think I write waaay better during times like that.
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[[ March ]]
The breakthrough of my life. Devoted myself to the 21 days of prayer, and through it, found a whole series of inspired wisdom and blessings, and most importantly, that divine encounter. Changed my life from there on. Was also a time when I kinda set myself into a philosophy of intimate relationships, crushes and stuff. Learnt a lot through a few readings and understood love in a more deeper, selfless manner. During this time I was also dealt the hardest blow in my life that still lingers on today. Was not chosen for Hi Club's main comm. Til then, it has always been a thorn in the flesh.
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1st - 21th Mar

21 days of prayer. Major breakthrough in life. Never felt closer to God then I ever did. First personal encounter with God as a generational Christian. Felt God's presence with me everyday, and glad I was able to tune myself in to do much more with love.

2nd Mar

Timothy's birthday. Grateful for him as a friend through my times. The closest friend I had since that time. A companion for my thoughts and someone I enjoy. My tower of strength as well. As much as we often have opposing views, I think you still have a great heart and hope you can grow more.

31th Mar

Hiclub AGM. No longer was a main comm. Held back my tears and faked a smile. Wasn't that hard at first, but as the time went by, felt more hurt each time I saw the main comm together.

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[[ April ]]
2nd year of poly, much more to learn, interesting modules. Oppoturnities for me to develop leadership. Lost my heart for Hiclub after being badly affected by the main comm thing. A lot of thoughts about Y.

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14th Apr

Got to be a GL for the first time for HMS Foc. Really enjoyed my time with them, although I wasn't that good a leader.

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[[ May ]]

Another month of personal challenges and refining. Being sulking over the issue of friends and me for about 2 months now. Learnt to stand alone. Hi club intermediate classes never felt as bad as ever before. Every class was a drag to go. Lost a lot of passion for hiclub then.

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2th May

Experience my own miracle and proof of being a true friend. Through contstant heartfelt prayers, by the grace of God, my friend was steered from going down the wrong path. Learnt so much from there, especially a lovely verse
Psalms 23:3
He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name sake.
13th May

Hi Club instructor of 1F. Being an instructor has brought me much joy. Seeing all my students growing up, especially when they tell me how much they enjoyed classes.

29th May

Mommy's birthday. Was preparing for this day for a week before. Printed her a old picture of the family when we were young and wrote a note to her. She was so touched and proud of it she kept showing it to everyone. Thank you mommy for everything you have done. I love you.

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[[ June ]]

Got involved in a few HI's related events. Also a learning point where I felt I needed to stop holding back because of fears. Slowly deviated away from God through the busyness of life. Faced a big blow from a friend.

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5th Jun

Went out with Hiclub to Vivo as a field trip to pretend we're HI's. Wasn't that all too good, as I felt that we might not have done a lot of things right, but overall, one thing I really appreciate about it is the silence. Sometimes I wish there was really good earplugs to block out all the sound and just to appreciate the silence.

24th Jun

A human revelation of God's love when He sent Jesus down for us. From a Father's heart, to hold back His power, just for us worthless and sinful humans, all because of love. Privileged with that understanding.

26 Jun

Got encouraging compliment from a friend, something I hardly ever receive.

I like how strong you are and the fact that you never give up. I like how no matter what anyone says, you stay true to yourself.

Thanks Hanisah, that meant a whole lot to me. Inspired me to carry on.

30 Jun

Interesting event. Forgot about it already. Felt hurt over something which Timothy revealed. Kept me in the dark from something, and acted convincingly surprised when I found out. Weeks later when I found out (today), I some how felt like my trust was betrayed. Wished he told me the truth. Questioned my friendship with him. Owells ._.

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[[ July ]]

Led my first performance to push standards higher. Learnt more about self-acceptance as well, pertaining to me and my perception of being an annoyance.

Main reccurent issue of friendship here. Had a heartfelt desire for a true friend. Emo-ed on the way I dealt with friends, and my way of pushing them away. Experience a turmoil with Timothy regarding disclosure. Made and hurt a new friend. qy.

Slowly developed my love for her, one that appeared foolish, but unconditionally there to push me on.

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7 Jul

Learn to accept myself as a gift. Overcome past hurts, as best that I could. As much as it haunts me, gotta learn to believe that I'm not a burden, or annoyance to others.

8 Jul

Final performance for "Change a Heart, Change a World". Felt like I made history, topping the standards for song signing in Hi Club. Pushed limits till we could standardize our timing and signings even when blindfolded =D and I emo-ed as I felt no one showed appreciation for what I did, but nonetheless left a small legacy behind to the juniors, as the blind-video-standardization. =)

20 Jul

Blogged some thoughts about relationships. Something I hold dear.


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[[ August ]]

Closing ceremony of hiclub. Concludes my 3rd and final semester. Personalized the call of deviance in a self proclaimed genius deviant. Signed up for camp comm for church, taking up a great leader role.

Quite a thought filled month, with me draining out from doing good, and finding my strength from God.

Other interesting memories, HuiQi coming down to help me when I had a serious migraine attack. Haha. Cried after watching a video on soldiers surprising their families after returning from war. The love in their eyes moved me, and then emoed once I felt it was a dream to me.

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5 Aug

Recollection of Hiclub as the sem closed. Thought through my experience in Hiclub and realized how much it was such a diffuclt journey for me, even though filled with much passion.

19 Aug

Commemorated ZX as my hero. Seeing his zest and good will his the lives around him. Someone who shared the same ideals of altruism. My comrade.

26 Aug

Reawakening of the shadow self, the nemesis to my gifts. The destroyer in me, taking out all the weaknesses in someone and exploiting them with it. Hope it will never surface ever again, and thank God I've yet to do anything as evil as that.

29 Aug

Realize the unresolved guilt I had with my friend from past hurt. Holding back and a stumbling block throughout my life ever since. Needed to forgive myself from all the guilt and believe in opening myself again.

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[[ September ]]

Realized I've been out of all the matter of affections for quite some time. Felt free and happier. Watch a series of videos of social experiments and people not doing anything to help. Formalized some thoughts about "affections". Theorized my model of social capacity. Thought about me being an annoyance again, and went through a bad emo night. Made another hallmark in Hiclub song signing.

Another important hallmark of my life. Camp 180. Resolved to face up to my fears of love, and learnt an important principle of truth and genuineness towards myself and others. Also marked the friendship between me and ZX.

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16 Sep

Once again pushed the limits of song signing. Choreo-ed for camp performance taking on Waka Waka, in the theme of k-pop-ish inspiration. One of the most epic, non-stop movement for song signing where each individual only gets sign 4 lines, with only 8 -10 sec of air time. Overall, was one epic performance, was glad I had more than 50 over likes. =D


28 Sep

Camp 180, finally after 2 months of planning. Learnt a lot of faith and principles here. Felt a need that I should face up to my deepest darkest fear of love. Something that was holding me back from all and everything that I could do and possibly was. Also helped me assimilate into the church social circle. Cried my eyes out here together with my now-best-friend.


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[[ October ]]

Worked on an MV with song signing inside. Didn't do that well as I pulled the whole team back with my own struggles. Had some low periods with friendships again, caused a certain rift towards a few people.

Learnt about impersonalization and my own perception of loving myself. Experience having faith to God to give not what I want but to give me what's best. Also to stand alone to do the right thing.

Started on counseling modules =) Oh oh, and as well as a super negative first impression of me from a friend, which changed after she got to know me haha. xD Practiced confession as in saying out the deepest most sensitive things to my friends in letting them know the truth. hard

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1st Oct

Had to hold hq's hand. I think I struggled with my heart having to open up to a raw form of love. Hard to understand but yea. Well, open that incident, it unlocked certain parts of me. With that expressed love twice out of my own security. Felt sad for stalling the MV though =l

13 Oct

Hi Club camp as a GL. Led a group with only one guy haha, but was really nice memories. Sadded that we bonded towards the later part of the camp. But kinda glad to have a homely camp unlike those outside.

22 Oct

HMS camp wasn't as good as I wished it'll be, feeling much alone because of all the differences. Learnt to stand alone, to do the right thing, and it was pretty tough, but I'm proud of myself that I did not succumb.

30 Oct

emoed again about Hi Club matters pertaining to instructor this time. Was sad that I couldn't get the level which I wanted (I got it in the end). Learnt to surrender my rights.

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[[ November ]]

Hmm, 2nd last month. Mostly revolved round the past emoing of main comm. Penned down the different sides of me. Thought filled month, and me awakening to the whisper inside me.

Also found a deeper root in myself and something I've struggled with. Value. On a happier side, found a recipe for smiling, a true happiness that arises from the heart.

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20 Nov

Felt hurt after finding out I was thought by some to be an extra, despite the good intentions I had. Felt like as though I was misjudged and stuff but haha, owells.

28 Nov

Started the 3rd cycle of my friendship with hq, unable to see everything she's going through and not doing anything. Been a long arduous journey with her but heh. Ahaha, all for love's sake =P

29 Nov

Figured I've always felt worthless towards the people around me and I struggle to even give myself any value. Seemed that rhoughtout life, as much as objectively, I'm not as bad as I think I am, yet people often lash out easily, while hold back on the good things. So far, after everything that I've done, I still doubt myself, hardly ever receiving any affirmation.

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[[ December ]]

Final month of the year. Saw me reconciliation with hq, in an absolute honest confrontation, similarly, for my brother to read my thoughts and feelings towards our past. Did something beyond me as well, well, haha for the first time. Had some emo moments. Was finally allowed back into her world again =) That nostalgia when I first glimpse upon it. Haha.

Ended off with learning how to rely on God instead of my own strengths, seeing me through each day. and picking me up whenever I get tired.

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4 Dec

Stalked my brother on facebook. Realized my absence in his life and how bad I treated him in the past. Happy that things had turn out much much better for him. Hope that I can bring up my relationship with him in 2011.

11 Dec

Met up with her, to say out everything. Was happy that I could bring back the relationship. along side, did some crazy stuff which I never saw myself doing. Yeap. Haha. My first ._.

20th Dec

Cambodia trip. Enjoyed myself. Had an eye-opener to things from other lands as well as to work on relating with others. I enjoy being able to be overseas with my friends.

24th Dec

Spend Christmas Eve feeling at my lowest of the year. Old hurts and needs resurfacing. Tugging at my heart strings. Felt exhausted after all the work. Glad that I picked up the next day =)

27- 28th Dec

Stayed over at ZX's place. Never really a sleepover at a best friend's house. Played til late at night haha, =P great memories.

30th Dec

Hear Me Out event. First time executing a plan without giving up halfway. Really nice and meaningful time with the HI's making new friends and stuff as well as working together with the subs =D Memorable experience.

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