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Once, Imperfect.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Recently had a spur of initiative to do things I normally (or perhaps abnormally :/) wont do; that includes getting my own meals, or taking a walk outside my four walls. Got me thinking though.The irony of independence versus worthlessness. We all have a need to be needed, appreciated, something I believe is part of the purpose of interaction between humans. In a mixture of independence and teamwork, we execute task daily, varying between the both.While some members have a drive of independence, others may develop a dependency on others. For us, ridding of over-reliant people, some might dislike it, while others have a altruistic benefit for another. Yet the irony occurs when the dependence is weaned off and the initial helper is left feeling redundant. Watching someone whom you know was once reliant, overcoming and developing self-sustainance, slowly to move on with their individual lives, no longer needing you. Parents, friends and sometimes, people who care.There should be a equilibrium of interdependence, but as society goes, the system of interdependence declines. In a culture of individualistic self-reliance, people work towards an idealization of perfection through the self. Neither is society accepting towards those who give openness a chance. Striking at where they're most vulnerable, a cycle of vicious hurts affects the dynamics between those who try, and those who hurt.Persevere, for those who try. Believe, for those who hurt. Understand, for those who are strong. Let go, for those who are weak. We need to come together, to think beyond ourselves, our own achievements, for a world of unity. Help each other, slow down and give way. No one was born perfect, and let us not forget that we were once, helpless and pathetic beings, till someone came and gave up for us.Labels: thoughts
MV Home
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Today has been a fruitful night. Being able to come together, all in our own genuine selves without facades.Something meaningful to appreciate and enjoy.Of course secondly, seeing how as you are has brought great joy and comfort for me today. Watching you as you play, interact, enjoy, and even reach out to those around you with open doors. The fruits of hard labour I guess, something I hope I'll be able to share with you. But certainly, the genuine joy I have today, will never amount to anything.And the intense inter-religious discussion has brought a few points that drove hard into my head.I'll be direct. The Christian faith is disappointing. Yes me included. What have we become to the world. Our image, our likeness, our very portrayal of life. Just compare our words, and our actions, judge our intentions. It's saddening every time a non-christian comments about the way we are, and the harsher pain is that, it's true. We've taken the liberty we're given, abused it, trashed it, flaunt it, but hardly once appreciated it. We all should be ashamed of ourselves, and reflect in humility our current state. I hope and pray that the Christian faith can be restored to once its former light, when it isn't just about being (hypocritically) religious, but with all due determination, strive for perfection in Christian character, and ultimately strive for love. To love God, and all men.Yet there is much I've learnt and discovered in return. Things I took for granted. When we ask for strength, faith, hope and much more, it isn't God that comes to us and sprinkle blessings over us, it's us actually returning to Him, where we came from. To hold His hand, to follow His path, and to live His purpose. Ironic as it may be, that's when true joy comes.Today, is a good day.Yes, Thank you God.
Labels: frenz, God, heart, memories, qq, thoughts
In Your Presence Once Again
Sunday, May 22, 2011
In Your presence I find strength renewed,
I find courage to stand, and a hope that is new.
God give me strength to carry on. I'm so tired, and there's no where, no one I can turn to. Those I go to from support ends up the other way. There's no place I can go to simply let my guard, and my watch down.I don't want to stop. Each second I waste, someone loses out. I don't ask to be a hero, I only want to make this world better, for the people, in every little way possible. A life at a time.Let me find refuge in the serene of Your house. This journey has been weary and burdensome. To take a sip of the Living water, and a day in Your embrace. Send me out, with a renewed spirit and I know I will make it through.Once again, let my life me fully in your will and purpose. To set aside earthly things and carnal desires. A restored consecration to Your calling.A new week has come, and time is short, but time will never separate us, only fallen hearts. God, be with my remembrance, my partner, my hope and my comfort, my strength, my destiny, my God; and my life.Labels: God, rest Whirlwind
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I'm tired.I really am. There's so much to be done, so many people everywhere. I'm losing it bit by bit. I need a top up. But I'm not going to stop, not til I go out. I wonder what is this phase about. So much ambitions, so much inspirations, and so many people everywhere. Yet so little time, so little energy left.Either, I've come to realize how much introverted I can be. This phase has left me much quiet and reflective. Little less than 2 initiated conversations a week. I wonder if people will accept this side of me but contrary to the energetic high side. Will they?And I've stop pursuing people. i've gave up on friendship and relationships. I've come to the conclusion that I'm really not cut out for it. It's too much for be to bear, the burden of friendship. But I'll always leave an open door.My mind's in a whirl. I dunno what to do, and there's no one there.
Would He Fail His Promise
Monday, May 16, 2011
I think I've forgotten about You, and who You are and what You're capable off.If I've done my part, will He not fulfill His? If He has promised, is He not faithful to deliver them. Is God too small for any great problem, His sovereignty and wisdom that surpasses all understanding.Sorry I've forgotten you. Of all my knowledge, of all my loneliness, there You were just besides me, just a hand grasp away. In this times of weariness, let my refuge be found in You. God, give me the strength to fight for all those who needs it, to do more and greater works, to bring love to the people around me.Destiny awaits.Labels: God, thoughts
A Loser's Life
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The pain is so unbearable yet it doesn't kill. Why did such agony ever exist? I wished you'll stop. You wished I'll stop. Perhaps you've taken my strength for granted. One day, it might fail me. I dont know how much longer I can carry this.Maybe it's my destiny, a life where everything I hold dear, comes at a slight, before disappearing forever. I don't know what to believe, and I don't know what to hold on to anymore. Maybe, I never had a right to anything. All these I thought were miracles, were merely samples of life, mocking me, giving me a whiff of its ecstatic feel, and then drop me when I'm at the peak of my hopes. Family. Friends. People. Love.What if none of them were real to begin with...?Labels: EMO, heart
A simple message
"Yep don't worry I will. Haha srsly though, you're damn sweet to her. Very few guys like that nowadays" This isn't to praise myself and boast. but, just that simple sms itself gave me much strength to keep myself up and carry on. Read the message over and over again, reality slowly sinking and appreciating that short line of affirmation. It's been long, since someone affirmed me.Thank you, so much.
Labels: heart, Me, memories MHI
Been pretty busy to write things here. Plenty of things go through my mind everyday I wish to pen but nothing gets out in the end.Minor updates on life;Doing a behavioural modificational programme from my module to help me cut down on computer time spend unneccesarily. Heh hope it fits.MHI seems like a great place to volunteer/work/intern in. I suddenly feel so much inspiration to do more HI events.I think I did well as an advisor. Really loved how they started talking well during our first meeting. Kinda failed while spying on them during class though. Looking forward to being a good advisor for them ^^Yes! Opening committee comm performance. To start of, heh, i probably made a huge mistake, a responsibility I take on my part. but at least, the formation looked good. I got new inspirations seeing how hms D4F did the transitions and tried to incorporated the same. Sadly, things didnt really meet my expectations to surpass waka waka but well, everyone tried their best I guess. at least I've made another hallmark in my own journey of song signing!The effect of being a year 3 is slowly settling in. Do feel senior-like and a new sense of responsibility towards the juniors and as well as a tiny build up of the fear of leaving this place which I've taken so much from. future is scary.
friendships wise it feels like I've been alone for awhile since. I hope I can find back my place of "home" somewhr somehow. Walking down this path brings a good cause but lonely moments. Realize that I'm not longer pursuing much of anyone.
Labels: frenz, hi club, School
We're all in this together
Sunday, May 8, 2011
It's been tough weeks since we first embarked together. Projects after projects, hurdles after hurdles, each and everyone of us playing our part into building up as we know it; our family.In this family, we all play different roles from where we areMembers are a great number that makes the life of this home. some come to receive, and leave once we're done. Some stay around longer, doing more in ways we wish to contribute. Each of us have our dreams and vision. Sometimes, we feel helpless to do anything, but if we stick together as one, each of us make something out of nothing when we come together. We gather at this place we know as home, a place where we can share our passion.And to the seniors, the people who grew from this home. With experience in our hands, concern in our hearts, we face the struggle of keeping the balance between helping out and letting go. Facing doubts and fears of seeing new changes and challenges to comfort zones, and even having to deal with our pride of being more experience. On the plus side, its our honour and privilege to take care of our juniors, watching them grow, soaring to greater heights. And knowing when its the final moment to say goodbye, we can close the doors, always reminiscing while we ponder over our shelves decked with frames of precious memories.And finally, the leaders, the people that deserve the most truly. They are the ones who fight for everything whether or not they have enough to complete all. Without much of a choice, these are the ones who runs all the backgrounds works, gets all the blame, makes costly sacrifices, and more often than not, gets forgotten and unaccredited for their sweat and blood. Indeed, they are not void of failures, and result in disappointments and dashed hopes, nonetheless, they keep their personal struggles, current issues and future goals, as they give their best.Out of all these, we all want best. Best for our home, best for the people, and best for our futures. But all these are hindered by the conflicts we bear upon ourselves as we tie up in occasional selfishness and misunderstandings. Yet ultimately we all have the same heart. Learn to understand before we judge, listen before we speak, and think before we do.We're all fighting for a better future; but let us remember, to win, we don't fight against each other, we fight together.Labels: hi club, life, thoughts
Your call God, Your call
Monday, May 2, 2011
I sat there quietly, waiting for someone to come, waiting for something to happen. A desperate cry inside my heart."Please save her.""I will. I promise."The fears returned."Please save her. Please do something, anything.""Will you trust My words?""Will You prove me by actions?"*silence*"Your call God, Your call."and I walked off with renewed hope.Labels: God
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Once, Imperfect.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Recently had a spur of initiative to do things I normally (or perhaps abnormally :/) wont do; that includes getting my own meals, or taking a walk outside my four walls. Got me thinking though.The irony of independence versus worthlessness. We all have a need to be needed, appreciated, something I believe is part of the purpose of interaction between humans. In a mixture of independence and teamwork, we execute task daily, varying between the both.While some members have a drive of independence, others may develop a dependency on others. For us, ridding of over-reliant people, some might dislike it, while others have a altruistic benefit for another. Yet the irony occurs when the dependence is weaned off and the initial helper is left feeling redundant. Watching someone whom you know was once reliant, overcoming and developing self-sustainance, slowly to move on with their individual lives, no longer needing you. Parents, friends and sometimes, people who care.There should be a equilibrium of interdependence, but as society goes, the system of interdependence declines. In a culture of individualistic self-reliance, people work towards an idealization of perfection through the self. Neither is society accepting towards those who give openness a chance. Striking at where they're most vulnerable, a cycle of vicious hurts affects the dynamics between those who try, and those who hurt.Persevere, for those who try. Believe, for those who hurt. Understand, for those who are strong. Let go, for those who are weak. We need to come together, to think beyond ourselves, our own achievements, for a world of unity. Help each other, slow down and give way. No one was born perfect, and let us not forget that we were once, helpless and pathetic beings, till someone came and gave up for us.Labels: thoughts
MV Home
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Today has been a fruitful night. Being able to come together, all in our own genuine selves without facades.Something meaningful to appreciate and enjoy.Of course secondly, seeing how as you are has brought great joy and comfort for me today. Watching you as you play, interact, enjoy, and even reach out to those around you with open doors. The fruits of hard labour I guess, something I hope I'll be able to share with you. But certainly, the genuine joy I have today, will never amount to anything.And the intense inter-religious discussion has brought a few points that drove hard into my head.I'll be direct. The Christian faith is disappointing. Yes me included. What have we become to the world. Our image, our likeness, our very portrayal of life. Just compare our words, and our actions, judge our intentions. It's saddening every time a non-christian comments about the way we are, and the harsher pain is that, it's true. We've taken the liberty we're given, abused it, trashed it, flaunt it, but hardly once appreciated it. We all should be ashamed of ourselves, and reflect in humility our current state. I hope and pray that the Christian faith can be restored to once its former light, when it isn't just about being (hypocritically) religious, but with all due determination, strive for perfection in Christian character, and ultimately strive for love. To love God, and all men.Yet there is much I've learnt and discovered in return. Things I took for granted. When we ask for strength, faith, hope and much more, it isn't God that comes to us and sprinkle blessings over us, it's us actually returning to Him, where we came from. To hold His hand, to follow His path, and to live His purpose. Ironic as it may be, that's when true joy comes.Today, is a good day.Yes, Thank you God.
Labels: frenz, God, heart, memories, qq, thoughts
In Your Presence Once Again
Sunday, May 22, 2011
In Your presence I find strength renewed,
I find courage to stand, and a hope that is new.
God give me strength to carry on. I'm so tired, and there's no where, no one I can turn to. Those I go to from support ends up the other way. There's no place I can go to simply let my guard, and my watch down.I don't want to stop. Each second I waste, someone loses out. I don't ask to be a hero, I only want to make this world better, for the people, in every little way possible. A life at a time.Let me find refuge in the serene of Your house. This journey has been weary and burdensome. To take a sip of the Living water, and a day in Your embrace. Send me out, with a renewed spirit and I know I will make it through.Once again, let my life me fully in your will and purpose. To set aside earthly things and carnal desires. A restored consecration to Your calling.A new week has come, and time is short, but time will never separate us, only fallen hearts. God, be with my remembrance, my partner, my hope and my comfort, my strength, my destiny, my God; and my life.Labels: God, rest Whirlwind
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I'm tired.I really am. There's so much to be done, so many people everywhere. I'm losing it bit by bit. I need a top up. But I'm not going to stop, not til I go out. I wonder what is this phase about. So much ambitions, so much inspirations, and so many people everywhere. Yet so little time, so little energy left.Either, I've come to realize how much introverted I can be. This phase has left me much quiet and reflective. Little less than 2 initiated conversations a week. I wonder if people will accept this side of me but contrary to the energetic high side. Will they?And I've stop pursuing people. i've gave up on friendship and relationships. I've come to the conclusion that I'm really not cut out for it. It's too much for be to bear, the burden of friendship. But I'll always leave an open door.My mind's in a whirl. I dunno what to do, and there's no one there.
Would He Fail His Promise
Monday, May 16, 2011
I think I've forgotten about You, and who You are and what You're capable off.If I've done my part, will He not fulfill His? If He has promised, is He not faithful to deliver them. Is God too small for any great problem, His sovereignty and wisdom that surpasses all understanding.Sorry I've forgotten you. Of all my knowledge, of all my loneliness, there You were just besides me, just a hand grasp away. In this times of weariness, let my refuge be found in You. God, give me the strength to fight for all those who needs it, to do more and greater works, to bring love to the people around me.Destiny awaits.Labels: God, thoughts
A Loser's Life
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The pain is so unbearable yet it doesn't kill. Why did such agony ever exist? I wished you'll stop. You wished I'll stop. Perhaps you've taken my strength for granted. One day, it might fail me. I dont know how much longer I can carry this.Maybe it's my destiny, a life where everything I hold dear, comes at a slight, before disappearing forever. I don't know what to believe, and I don't know what to hold on to anymore. Maybe, I never had a right to anything. All these I thought were miracles, were merely samples of life, mocking me, giving me a whiff of its ecstatic feel, and then drop me when I'm at the peak of my hopes. Family. Friends. People. Love.What if none of them were real to begin with...?Labels: EMO, heart
A simple message
"Yep don't worry I will. Haha srsly though, you're damn sweet to her. Very few guys like that nowadays" This isn't to praise myself and boast. but, just that simple sms itself gave me much strength to keep myself up and carry on. Read the message over and over again, reality slowly sinking and appreciating that short line of affirmation. It's been long, since someone affirmed me.Thank you, so much.
Labels: heart, Me, memories MHI
Been pretty busy to write things here. Plenty of things go through my mind everyday I wish to pen but nothing gets out in the end.Minor updates on life;Doing a behavioural modificational programme from my module to help me cut down on computer time spend unneccesarily. Heh hope it fits.MHI seems like a great place to volunteer/work/intern in. I suddenly feel so much inspiration to do more HI events.I think I did well as an advisor. Really loved how they started talking well during our first meeting. Kinda failed while spying on them during class though. Looking forward to being a good advisor for them ^^Yes! Opening committee comm performance. To start of, heh, i probably made a huge mistake, a responsibility I take on my part. but at least, the formation looked good. I got new inspirations seeing how hms D4F did the transitions and tried to incorporated the same. Sadly, things didnt really meet my expectations to surpass waka waka but well, everyone tried their best I guess. at least I've made another hallmark in my own journey of song signing!The effect of being a year 3 is slowly settling in. Do feel senior-like and a new sense of responsibility towards the juniors and as well as a tiny build up of the fear of leaving this place which I've taken so much from. future is scary.
friendships wise it feels like I've been alone for awhile since. I hope I can find back my place of "home" somewhr somehow. Walking down this path brings a good cause but lonely moments. Realize that I'm not longer pursuing much of anyone.
Labels: frenz, hi club, School
We're all in this together
Sunday, May 8, 2011
It's been tough weeks since we first embarked together. Projects after projects, hurdles after hurdles, each and everyone of us playing our part into building up as we know it; our family.In this family, we all play different roles from where we areMembers are a great number that makes the life of this home. some come to receive, and leave once we're done. Some stay around longer, doing more in ways we wish to contribute. Each of us have our dreams and vision. Sometimes, we feel helpless to do anything, but if we stick together as one, each of us make something out of nothing when we come together. We gather at this place we know as home, a place where we can share our passion.And to the seniors, the people who grew from this home. With experience in our hands, concern in our hearts, we face the struggle of keeping the balance between helping out and letting go. Facing doubts and fears of seeing new changes and challenges to comfort zones, and even having to deal with our pride of being more experience. On the plus side, its our honour and privilege to take care of our juniors, watching them grow, soaring to greater heights. And knowing when its the final moment to say goodbye, we can close the doors, always reminiscing while we ponder over our shelves decked with frames of precious memories.And finally, the leaders, the people that deserve the most truly. They are the ones who fight for everything whether or not they have enough to complete all. Without much of a choice, these are the ones who runs all the backgrounds works, gets all the blame, makes costly sacrifices, and more often than not, gets forgotten and unaccredited for their sweat and blood. Indeed, they are not void of failures, and result in disappointments and dashed hopes, nonetheless, they keep their personal struggles, current issues and future goals, as they give their best.Out of all these, we all want best. Best for our home, best for the people, and best for our futures. But all these are hindered by the conflicts we bear upon ourselves as we tie up in occasional selfishness and misunderstandings. Yet ultimately we all have the same heart. Learn to understand before we judge, listen before we speak, and think before we do.We're all fighting for a better future; but let us remember, to win, we don't fight against each other, we fight together.Labels: hi club, life, thoughts
Your call God, Your call
Monday, May 2, 2011
I sat there quietly, waiting for someone to come, waiting for something to happen. A desperate cry inside my heart."Please save her.""I will. I promise."The fears returned."Please save her. Please do something, anything.""Will you trust My words?""Will You prove me by actions?"*silence*"Your call God, Your call."and I walked off with renewed hope.Labels: God
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