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One-Two Punch
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Nice, just came back from camp having a realization on the train that jus "yesterday's morning" we were actually on the train to school with excitement.That aside. I don't intend to make this known publicly but yea, it's a privilege (to those that sees this as one) to have a peek into my personal thoughts and life.One punch right in the guts hurts like crap yea? What about two? Just a day earlier, I lost my phone, something simple but dear to my heart in many ways of sentimentality and importance. And that I got over with ease, though with a subtle throbbing heart.But the next day, I lost yet another important thing to me. The blood of my social life, the link to my social family in my current days. My post to Hi-Club main committee taken away. I admit truthfully that I am not of main comm material but all the dynamics just leads to social death within this field. Even my other dreams have been dashed...I have no need to further on in my whining. My heart tells me it's ok, and the faith that God has something better in store for me, but deep inside, my heart bleeds. Haha, I kinda wish for someone's presence and a comforting silence. You know, just be with and say nothing at all but with a un-awkward comfort with them? Haha, but yea, the only further I can reach, would just be my 30 minutes silence in the toilet alone.
Lolz.Life sucks, I know it will be for good, but it's hurts the hell out of my heart.
And for those that care and wanna do something or what, I strongly suggest you don't talk to me about it, unless it's something uplifting or encouraging, yea so please do not be bothering me about these stuff just if you wanna ask or talk about it. Some nice words and a understanding tact on your part will be great. So thanks. Silence is something I need if it isnt unnecessary. I just need someone there. Labels: frenz, hi club, Me
Without a Phone
Monday, March 29, 2010
WHEEEEE I LOST MY PHONE DAM SADDED, I WALK SO LONG I REACH HOME THEN REALIZED THE THING IN MY POCKET THE WHOLE TIME WAS ACTUALLY MY WALLET. I DUN EVNE KNOW WHERE I MISPLACED IT BUT SHUCKS. I CALLED IT BACK AND ITS OFFED ALREADY =( Even though it's kinda a birthday gift from my family lolz, because they couldn't stand my old laoyapok phone xD But sheesh, I kinda need the sim card more than the phone. But hehz, hard as it might be, I actually do have slight peace of mind within. Owells. God will take care of it. So will my DAD, lolololol. I've always imagined what if this day happens, and the things I would do. Never thought it really would but heh, so it is then. Lol, shucks man, actually I also a bit scared for the fella that took it, my phone got special special thing de hehe, but yea, anyone out there reading this, do note that I'm phoneless like heh, and perhaps, I'll just live without a phone for the time being. HAHAHA got no way to contact me =P Leave offline messages on msn to notify me for anything then. Owells KAKAKAKAKA =/ =] *biting my words* God bless and be merciful to whoever that took my phone. He'll regret it, like yea. Cheers~ ^^ EDIT: ok peeeople I'm alrites man. It's just a phone, sad as it may be, I'm still good. Yeap. I'm still thanking God, and yea, as well as for the time my phone have served me, brought me, and many others some fun and entertainment as well as my lovely phone number HAHA. The phone is just something material, it's no loss at all. AND OH MY LA. guuuys thanks for your concern but it really is very very unnecessary. There is no need for you all to be fretting when I'm totally ok and well without my phone. I put the notice up on msn so that you guys know to message me online instead of to message my phone. Firstly, Yes I Am Still Very Thankful To God. Yeap, He blessed me with a phone, He can take it back anytime. cmooon guys, yes sad, there will be quite an inconvenience but if I'm okay with it, then stop fretting already, it's kinda getting on me actually. RAWR! HAHA But yeaps, owells, hope the phone can bless the fella who took it and yea, hope I can still be able to function well without a mobile communicator =P and lolololols I would like to emphasis once more. I'm okaaaaaay~ this is just one of life lessons we all gotta learn, some in different ways. So yeap, what you all can take back from this would be that if it ever happens to you, SMILE, thank God, praise Him, and simply trust Him for better things alrites?! =D HAHA AND ANYONE WHO ASK ME ABOUT IT AND STARTS FRETTING AGAIN IM NOT GONNA TALK TO YOU. SMILE YOU DOOFUS.   Random Smiles:
Topic: Chocolate Easter Eggs Me: HAHAHAand woahwat are you gonna do with chocolate eggsO_Olike chocolate full of eggs?erm waitthat's sillyegg full of chocolate?LOL? chocolate full of eggs? what was I thinking xD
Labels: memories, smile Humility and Submission
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Haven't posted for quite some time and wow, I would really love to share something meaningful that has happened recently. With a brief encounter with a fellow intellect, and a heated argument of both sides, with me seeing him as blind to my points. As I started off with thinking and trying out to be humble, shooting my points of without timing and in refute. Whatever he speak, I argued back. And with another lesson with my dear penguin of listening more and speaking less, he certainly got the better of me at speaking. But it is not only of actions but of heart that God sees. In actions, I was in some sense more humble as I portrayed myself to be, but my heart was still raging on with fury so haa, it doesn't count. But as I near the departing of our conversation and his increased hostility, I learnt how to give in, and if you know me, I NEVER EVER submit in arguments. In fact, this has been my first time, where, I was even wrongly accused, but heh toughly battled on in refraining from what I normally would do. Even had myself asking his permission to restate my points. Certainly quite a crazy experience, but nonetheless an awesome one in which to take lessons from. Whoooo~ I'm one step closer in my walk to perfection as I travel from east to reach the west to learn the countless lessons in life. (East, never touches the West ;)) P.S. Humility is so darn hard to learn T_T, but all the more I ask of God to teach me it. Labels: God, Me, memories Rich in His Love
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Ha, alrites. It can be seen from my streams of 1000~ words post recently that I've been bombarded by tons of thoughts and stuff but yup, I'm journaling them down for as memories because life lessons are too precious to forget after dawn, so if it's too wordy, skip it.And so it's been a really great holiday this time round, taking a retreat from all the hustle of busy Singapore live and just dwelling in His presence. I learn new things each day, lessons of the heart, mind and spirit and in these few days, I have grown so much closer to Him.I'm gonna be off for camp and I hope all these things won't just be head knowledge but things I will apply into daily life. Alrights, shall leave with two small thoughts. I'll be less explanatory, cos I aint good at expressing my thoughts into words hence the not-so-good writing style and as well as for ya to ponder about them.Humility.In the recent times, I've kinda got praises that really made my day and letting me know I'm back on track where I ought to be. Aside from giving the glory to God, I tend to dwell in it, and just think back on the words spoken as I smile. And with the latest comment complimenting me really really made me glad and as I thought about it, I started to focus on myself, "I'm getting better". Nothing really that wrong there, but when I start to personalize the praise, I lose sight of God's work. That it is not by my strength that I am well, but the light in me that shines from Him. And yea, and right after the compliment was a note from another friend saying otherwise. So right after I'm all high and happy here comes someone that brings me down immediately. Just crushed my happiness totally. Knowing from her personality, it's fairly meant in slight humour but despite that, it definitely held truth to it. And it was like God telling me "Alright, yeap, you've got your praise, but don't let it get to your head", which it kinda was. And yups, I'm still far from perfect, with countless flaws, both internal and external.Philippians 2:3
3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Anyways, I hope my life will shine with a new light, that people will be drawn to me, not for my attention but to see His light in me, that I can live a life as an exemplary Christian. I'm sure I will and have made many mistakes, I ask of your forgiveness, for all those that I've hurt, disappointed, stressed up, and failed to live a life right the way I ought to. I'm sorry ._.
Matthew 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Prosperity.I've heard people saying "God wants us Christians to be prosperous because He loves us." True, but have you asked yourself, do you see "prosperity" the way God sees it? To be rich, live in mansions and landed property, to own big cars, to wear the latest fashion coupled with branded goods? Or would that be what you want?Materialistic desires more often then not, often replace our affections for God, displacing our time, effort and focus on His work while we seek after our own desires. Such was the case with the young rich man when he met Jesus,
Matthew 19:16-26
16Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" 17"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." 18"Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother, and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'" 20"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?" 21Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." 22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. 23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." 25When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?" 26Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
And it's not like God doesn't want us to be rich. I'm sure there are good Christians out there that are rich, with their hearts still set towards God, but the tendency to slip into materialism is just so high. Cos ultimately in everything we do, it's the state of the heart that counts.Matthew 6:19-24 19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! 24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
And yea, seek a life after God, and He will provide all that is needed for your ministry. A thing to note, the word used here is "need", not "want". We don't need to worry about the what we lack, for He's watching over us and taking care of our lives. Matthew 6: 25-34
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Unlike the world standards, we as Christians do not need to hold a 5-figure paycheck, nor properties, automobiles and material wealth to be prosperous. We are indeed prosperous as we already are, whether or not we are in the lower, middle or upper class of the socioeconomic ladder. It is unto us to find a state of contentment. A contented heart finds great in little, and an uncontented one, little in great. Prosperous not only having our needs fulfilled but in heart, where we ought to be rich in His love; that is, God's economy.Yups, so I'll end with my definition of prosperity, where true prosperity is having no wants in life, not because I have acquired them all, but because God has supplied all that I have truly needed, and so I lack of nothing necessary to live a life that is honourable to Him and His purpose.See ya dear brothers and sisters~ ^^Labels: God, thoughts
Looking pass the facades
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Aww, I got a random inspiration just at the time I wanted to go sleep, but kinda thought it would be such a waste to let such inspirations go. Will make it short though, I hope =)I think being blind has its benefits. Blind people despite losing their sight, gain something in return in which no man with normal sight will probably attain. What they lose is the aesthetic sight and in return, their eyes are opened to the true insight of human nature, one that is unseen by the normal human eye. Because what they see in a someone, is not based on the aesthetic appearance, how nice, how tall or attractive he/she is, but they see past the outward appearance to peer in to the inner places. Your inner courts. They see past all the facades and fake smiles that go along with the so called "fine" everyone claims to be. They see what your character is like, through the tone of your speech and definitely, with their enhanced acute sense of hearing and reading of tones, there's barely much of a way your true feelings can be concealed. Yet they also see the heart of someone. Their character, values, moral behaviour and everything that lies beyond the skin of our faces, they recognize kindness and caring hearts when they meet one. I dunno if it's wrong for me to assume this way, but I would suppose blind people do find better life partners. To know and fall in love with someone of intrinsic beauty rather than of extrinsic, cause our bodies are only subjects of nature and fall away as dust, but the inner thoughts of the mind barely changes. Well, haha, I think basically, I would love to be blind to this world, blind to the aesthetic appearances and facades that so readily stirs up bias treatment, or to fool others. I wanna look into the lives of people, and be able to see into their hearts, all the hurts, all the pain. To be able to look past the lies, and facades of the world, I believe there are many hurting people.Oh and to sidetrack. The world calls for perfection. One shouldn't be all depressed and problematic. Expected to be full of smile, at your best without issues. The result? A world of lies, where everyone is wearing a mask. A facade that hides their issues, their problems, their pain. Some even to the point where they lie to themselves, suppressing their pain and needs, so as to not feel the hurt of knowing, yet being helpless to do anything about it. But you know what? it's ok to feel lousy, it's ok to feel disheartened, depressed. It's ok to feel that you have needs, to be loved, to be cared for. We're all human, cursed with imperfection and a great tendency to make mistakes. We all face hurts, and needs and wants and stuff, don't keep them in, don't conform to the world's expectations. Because you'll only be reaffirming the wide belief norm that it's needed to appear as that you are "ok" and everybody's fine as well. Break the trend, break that damn trend that tells you to live in lies. Everyone has a right to be broken, feel broken, and appear broken. Maybe there's too little love out there. Nobody's there to care for the hurts people reveal. I call out to those of good heart condition, stop living in your own comfort zone, take a look out there. There are many people with their hearts within crying out for help. Go out, go out and love. Love isn't meant for keeping, for love does no good until you give it away, where it'll touch lives, heal the broken, fill the depths of emptiness in hearts, restore relationships. And for you hurting peeps, don't keep to yourself either. Reveal to others, but of course reveal wisely. Don't go baring your hearts totally to someone that's either in the same emotional shaky boat or someone who eh, sadly really doesn't care at all, you'll only get yourself scars for opening. Oh yea, spread the love too. Share your experiences and area where you've overcome. you hurting doesn't mean you are relieved from your duty of helping and supporting another soul. I think if we can all cultivate a culture of loving, caring and sharing, this world would be so much more beautiful. And seriously, don't wait for someone to take the first step. You be in charge, you take hold of the responsibility you will and can make. Don't look for returns. Do it with an unconditional heart. For the optimistic people, look towards the light of helping someone. For the Christians, heh, look to God, that's everything you'll ever need. For the people with a heart, don't wait. Do it now. For those with pessimistic outlooks, er... look out for those coming to help you. If your heart feels a tingling after reading this, please oh please make an action, take a step, DO SOMETHING, praise someone, thank someone, say your sorries, tell someone how much you love them, how precious they are, just be out there to change the world, one heart at a time.Im gonna try. And I've got God with me ;)Nitez~Labels: heart, love, thoughts
Yet so undeserving, He came to love
Thursday, March 11, 2010
This thought was inspired when my mom’s car drove past Changi Prison. We were chatting about the upgrades of the prison and how the old prison was in such a bad condition. You could sleep at night and have your furry roommates nibble at your toes, rats, that is.“But they’re criminals, don’t they deserve it? After all, why should they be given a comfortable place to stay in after their evil deeds?” I thought, as we turned left at the junction. God chided me. “Where is your compassion? Where is your mercy?” came the reply. Such is a judgmental spirit we tend to have. We reason our actions on what people have or have not done, or whether they are fit for such treatment. To a friend who takes your kind actions for granted, who laughs off and overlook the extra miles you take to help them. To the project mate that bums about doing nothing, leaving you all the work to do, and claiming credit for the “A” your work has brought forth. To the annoying brat who mocks your forgiveness and fool around with your second chances. To the prisoners serving their sentences, they did wrong and got their just desserts.We as humans on one hand tend to take things for granted, on the other, seek appreciation and recognition for our efforts. We sometimes reach to a conclusion that those who don’t bother to even reciprocate our goodwill and take it for granted really shouldn’t be given such a privilege. First, gratefulness; they don’t deserve me doing all these for them if they aren’t gonna care. Straight to the point, I’ll say, hey you know what? I think we’re horribly ungrateful people in the first place. All the things in our lives, having it with us all the while, nothing really matters. Parents, a roof above ours head, money, the list goes on. When it’s gone, we feel the discomfort and realize, “hey, those were kinda important…” It seems unfortunately, that we often begin to truly appreciate things too late, when we lose them.From a Godly view, we probably all take His grace for granted way too much. Take for example, the Israelites when roaming in the wilderness for 40 years. God did many mighty miracles in front of their eyes; surely they should have revered Him. He parted the Red Sea for them to pass, and closed it up upon their enemies. Surely He must be God? He led them by a pillar of cloud by morning, and a pillar of fire by night. Surely He must be God? He sent forth gushing waters as Moses struck the rock. Surely He must be God? He fed them with heavenly manna as they cried out to Him. Surely He must be God? But no, despite all the wonders and miracles seen with they own eyes, they turned to worship other gods. (That was until they repented) But hey, surely if it was us, after seeing all these, we would praise Him in gratefulness right?Perhaps. Not. Sure, rare are such sights of amazing visible feats and they were meant for old times like that, you know, maybe not for modern society. I mean like you know, there’s nothing there for us to be much thankful for? But what defines a miracle? Something that’s mind-blowing? Something impossible made done? Something tangible and visible we can see? Like… a house to stay and beds to sleep in, surely we thank Him? A home where we do not worry about the next time food arrives on our plates, surely we thank Him? A proper education system, surely we thank Him? A country with freedom of religion, surely we thank Him? A land free from war and natural disasters, surely we thank Him? We do right? Or do we not? Are these not miracles by which He provided for you? And are these not miracles and wonders you see before your very eyes? Do we lift up our voices in praise and adoration for God in thanksgiving for His daily mercies and grace? So why then do we take all these things for granted? Life become so comfortable, we forget what is given and what is deserved. We deserved nothing, but are given everything we need to live life as it is. God provided the Israelites all they needed, but their hearts grew hard and forgot Him. Similarly, God has provided so much for us, but our hearts grow hard, and we take things as though we deserve them, by no merit, we ask(demand) for more, and when we don’t get that more, we complain and murmur about God’s indifference to us and our prayers. We really are a darn ungrateful bunch aren’t we? So then God ought to hold back His blessings since we’re such an unfeeling and ungrateful people right, according to how we as men do things. But He doesn’t. Because He loves.Which brings me to my next point. Love. A love that is unconditional, regardless as who the person is, what the person has done, or how he or she reciprocates your actions. Matthew 10:8b writes “freely we have received, freely shall we give” and in 1 John 3:11, "Beloved, if God loved us, we also ought to love one another" so as God has love us unconditionally of who, what and how we are, we rightfully ought to do the same for others. The word “agape” should be a representation of how our love should be. An unconditional and spiritual love of God for men and when we do things, regardless out of goodwill or not, we should not have any expectations. It could be put as such, a one-sided affair. You go all out for someone, whether or not there are any returns. You do it, because you love, and by love, I refer to “agape” love and not “eros” love, which represents the carnality and sensual affections people have for another. An example would be a mother’s love for her child. Unspeakable depths of love she goes to love her child with. Likewise we should love the people around us, and have mercy unto those who transgress us. Because ultimately, we’re the ones that are set free.Labels: God, heart, love, prayer, thoughts
Heartwarming Joys With You
Monday, March 8, 2010
My weekends this week has been a great time with friends. Both special moments on their own.Saturday spent with school frens/hiclubbers. Met friends early morning at 11 (yes its early, cos I normally wake up at 1) for breakfast at macs, and then strolling about tampines malls, buying lotsa snacks and finally heading back to my house.Played chess, chinese chess, monopoly card style, bridge, baaa, oh and taboo... with cherades =,= entertaining I'll say but daaaaaaaaarnn, I terribly hate doing cherades, just don't like being so expressive .__. But yea, disheng was really good and doing it though o.O couldn't stop laughing. Maybe I ought to free myself like that one day =)SUNDAY!   only got the girls cos only took out cam when they taking pics ._.Labels: frenz, memories
Where is the love?
Friday, March 5, 2010
I think we have lost our love. Ye who call yourself a Christian, do you truly live as one? Just in Singapore, turn round the corner and you'll prolly meet a Christian here or there. There's so many Christians everywhere. Isn't that something to rejoice? Perhaps, but I mourn for you all. So many of us who claim ourselves as Christians live a life that is just so contradictory to what we speak. We speak vulgarities, we gossip, we look at others with disdain. But really, where is the love. If I may just get right to the point, Christians these day, I would like to put the estimates to 95% (that includes me) have totally forgot what it means to be a Christian. Yes we still pray, we still sing praise songs, we spread the Word, but HELLLOOOOO, YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY FORGETTING ONE MAJOR IMPORTANT COMPONENT THAT BASICALLY SEPARATES US FROM WHO WE CLAIM OUR FAITH TO BE. WHERE IS THE LOVE OF CHRIST IN YOU ALL? Do we go the extra mile to help one another? to we go out of our comfort zone to care for the hurting, or do we just look at others in dissappointment and talk about how bad they are. What would Jesus do? He'll feel the pain, that these people are "lost" and not going down the right path. A brother's that is doing something wrong; do we look at him in disgust, shun him, or talk bad about him? Or do we go unto our knees in prayer, in heartfelt care and LOVE for him, that he may refrain from doing things that hurt God's heart. We live in such a comfortable world, that we become so selfish, we cease to love others the way God does, and rather, love them the way men does. If you're lovable, I'll love you, if you're bad, irritating, stupid, or something no one would like, then hell why should I love you too?
Matthew 5:43-48
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Luke 6:33-35
33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
So yea, what difference are we to the world if we only love those who love us, for everyone does it as well. But just as God loved us freely, regardless of who we are, should we not also do the same? You know, I really don't know how to put this across, but in short, we Christians ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Are we merely Christians in name, or true living people of faith that are Christ-like in mind and body. My heart bleeds for all of us. Where has the love gone? Labels: God, heart The Overhang
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
From 6 months ago, I scaled your wall with much progress. Each day would see me reaching new heights. All until I reached that obstacle. An overhang that shadowed my climb, one which had me to kept my faith and hold on with all I've got. I climbed hard, my heart burning with passion, but my mind lacking the technique. The best I could was the hold on tight, and lean my body over it, seeing where I could have been if not for this impasse. 6 months ago, I gave it my last attempt. I gave it my all. I scaled the wall with much ease, slowly as I entered the into the shade of its shadow. I held on and swung myself upwards, my arms tensing up, my palm tightening its grip. This was it, I finally got my hand pass it. It was only halfway through. Hanging on, I looked up and found nothing within my grasp. Was this it? My arms were weakening with every sway of my body. Had I to submit under fate, a cruel reality that I succumb under the weakness of an obstacle, to losing the glory of getting to you? Bit by bit, my fingers slipped off. The last thing on my mind was watching as I fell through the air, arms reached out for you.Till then, I've never gotten over you. The thought of you brought a cringing feeling to my guts, and the pain of losing you was unbearable. Today, fate brought us together once again, and I wasn't going to pass this chance. I climbed the first quarter of your wall with much ease, my hands feeble, but experience backing me up. I had lost quite a bit of technique and the knowing of reaching you, but I was determined nonetheless. Nervousness struck me as I lifted my head, and came face to face with the curse that hindered my climb for history. Putting aside all second thoughts, I stretched my hand pass the overhang and grabbed on. The fear of falling once again, as I let go of my other hand to grab on to the other corner of the protruding obstacle and pulled myself up.Each movement I made tested my faith and strength. By the time I fully got myself across it, I was tired and worn out, my legs trembling, my fingers numbed and my arms aching. I looked up, knowing the greatest enemy has been won, I struggled to lift myself up, step by step. My body was losing it and I couldn't feel anything from my fingers up to my shoulder. I was not giving up. And so I fought on. Til I reached the top. The top. My worn, blistered fingers touched the peak of the wall, till I felt nothing above me. Battered, bruised and panting, I had finally achieved my destiny. ~~~~~~~ Ha, this is just a random "emo" inspiration lols. I thought it would make a good theme for a emo post thingy lols. Anyway, this whole silly thing is basically about my rock climbing experience. 6 months ago was my last attempt at my school's rock climbing course and I had been stuck at the overhang and simply couldn't climb pass it. and erm. the overhang is about 1.7m horizontally stuck out. Like 90 degrees horizontal. mmhm. Aha, but basically I managed to climb over it today from the help of my friend who opened the rock wall for nooby climbers to try. and omg. omg. omg. I almost died after getting over the wall. I attempted crazy stunts and poses I never dared but yuuups, was there to give it my all. Woots I DID IT!!!
 Labels: memories
Happy Birthday Timmy~
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Haha, heeeey heeey.A special beloved happy birthday to my dear Timmy. Yups, haha, thanks for being a really really really great friend. You is beri an awesome guy =) [girls, if you fancy him, woots, you've got good taste] And yups, thanks for being my best friend through this time, sharing our deep profound chiimish thoughts, listening to all my crap, giving me that extra push when I needed one, being there for me when I'm all emoz, having a good heart, LOLing at my crackups, being victimized by my gay jokes, failed attempts at making me look scandalous, exchanging and reviewing my writings, coming up with plans to conquer the world, taking effort to understand my indirect thoughts, moments of meta-metacognition, screwing me up, spending time with me, supporting me, tolerating all my random hoo-haas, giving me your gei gei nonsense, sharing your insights and perspectives, being part of my secrets, signing together with me so we all look like retards to the world, and yups,
being a friend for me.I thank you lots for being a really good friend for me through my poly life and life without you will simply never never never be as good as it would have. You've made my life, life. Me ♥ you~ As a friend of cos ahaha =P oh and one more thing...SHUT UP, I SAY YOU'RE A GOOD GUY MEANS YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, STOP ARGUING WITH ME OVER THIS MATTER. FULL STOP. :)Labels: frenz
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
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Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
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- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
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One-Two Punch
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Nice, just came back from camp having a realization on the train that jus "yesterday's morning" we were actually on the train to school with excitement.That aside. I don't intend to make this known publicly but yea, it's a privilege (to those that sees this as one) to have a peek into my personal thoughts and life.One punch right in the guts hurts like crap yea? What about two? Just a day earlier, I lost my phone, something simple but dear to my heart in many ways of sentimentality and importance. And that I got over with ease, though with a subtle throbbing heart.But the next day, I lost yet another important thing to me. The blood of my social life, the link to my social family in my current days. My post to Hi-Club main committee taken away. I admit truthfully that I am not of main comm material but all the dynamics just leads to social death within this field. Even my other dreams have been dashed...I have no need to further on in my whining. My heart tells me it's ok, and the faith that God has something better in store for me, but deep inside, my heart bleeds. Haha, I kinda wish for someone's presence and a comforting silence. You know, just be with and say nothing at all but with a un-awkward comfort with them? Haha, but yea, the only further I can reach, would just be my 30 minutes silence in the toilet alone.
Lolz.Life sucks, I know it will be for good, but it's hurts the hell out of my heart.
And for those that care and wanna do something or what, I strongly suggest you don't talk to me about it, unless it's something uplifting or encouraging, yea so please do not be bothering me about these stuff just if you wanna ask or talk about it. Some nice words and a understanding tact on your part will be great. So thanks. Silence is something I need if it isnt unnecessary. I just need someone there. Labels: frenz, hi club, Me
Without a Phone
Monday, March 29, 2010
WHEEEEE I LOST MY PHONE DAM SADDED, I WALK SO LONG I REACH HOME THEN REALIZED THE THING IN MY POCKET THE WHOLE TIME WAS ACTUALLY MY WALLET. I DUN EVNE KNOW WHERE I MISPLACED IT BUT SHUCKS. I CALLED IT BACK AND ITS OFFED ALREADY =( Even though it's kinda a birthday gift from my family lolz, because they couldn't stand my old laoyapok phone xD But sheesh, I kinda need the sim card more than the phone. But hehz, hard as it might be, I actually do have slight peace of mind within. Owells. God will take care of it. So will my DAD, lolololol. I've always imagined what if this day happens, and the things I would do. Never thought it really would but heh, so it is then. Lol, shucks man, actually I also a bit scared for the fella that took it, my phone got special special thing de hehe, but yea, anyone out there reading this, do note that I'm phoneless like heh, and perhaps, I'll just live without a phone for the time being. HAHAHA got no way to contact me =P Leave offline messages on msn to notify me for anything then. Owells KAKAKAKAKA =/ =] *biting my words* God bless and be merciful to whoever that took my phone. He'll regret it, like yea. Cheers~ ^^ EDIT: ok peeeople I'm alrites man. It's just a phone, sad as it may be, I'm still good. Yeap. I'm still thanking God, and yea, as well as for the time my phone have served me, brought me, and many others some fun and entertainment as well as my lovely phone number HAHA. The phone is just something material, it's no loss at all. AND OH MY LA. guuuys thanks for your concern but it really is very very unnecessary. There is no need for you all to be fretting when I'm totally ok and well without my phone. I put the notice up on msn so that you guys know to message me online instead of to message my phone. Firstly, Yes I Am Still Very Thankful To God. Yeap, He blessed me with a phone, He can take it back anytime. cmooon guys, yes sad, there will be quite an inconvenience but if I'm okay with it, then stop fretting already, it's kinda getting on me actually. RAWR! HAHA But yeaps, owells, hope the phone can bless the fella who took it and yea, hope I can still be able to function well without a mobile communicator =P and lolololols I would like to emphasis once more. I'm okaaaaaay~ this is just one of life lessons we all gotta learn, some in different ways. So yeap, what you all can take back from this would be that if it ever happens to you, SMILE, thank God, praise Him, and simply trust Him for better things alrites?! =D HAHA AND ANYONE WHO ASK ME ABOUT IT AND STARTS FRETTING AGAIN IM NOT GONNA TALK TO YOU. SMILE YOU DOOFUS. Random Smiles:
Topic: Chocolate Easter Eggs Me: HAHAHAand woahwat are you gonna do with chocolate eggsO_Olike chocolate full of eggs?erm waitthat's sillyegg full of chocolate?LOL? chocolate full of eggs? what was I thinking xD
Labels: memories, smile Humility and Submission
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Haven't posted for quite some time and wow, I would really love to share something meaningful that has happened recently. With a brief encounter with a fellow intellect, and a heated argument of both sides, with me seeing him as blind to my points. As I started off with thinking and trying out to be humble, shooting my points of without timing and in refute. Whatever he speak, I argued back. And with another lesson with my dear penguin of listening more and speaking less, he certainly got the better of me at speaking. But it is not only of actions but of heart that God sees. In actions, I was in some sense more humble as I portrayed myself to be, but my heart was still raging on with fury so haa, it doesn't count. But as I near the departing of our conversation and his increased hostility, I learnt how to give in, and if you know me, I NEVER EVER submit in arguments. In fact, this has been my first time, where, I was even wrongly accused, but heh toughly battled on in refraining from what I normally would do. Even had myself asking his permission to restate my points. Certainly quite a crazy experience, but nonetheless an awesome one in which to take lessons from. Whoooo~ I'm one step closer in my walk to perfection as I travel from east to reach the west to learn the countless lessons in life. (East, never touches the West ;)) P.S. Humility is so darn hard to learn T_T, but all the more I ask of God to teach me it. Labels: God, Me, memories Rich in His Love
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Ha, alrites. It can be seen from my streams of 1000~ words post recently that I've been bombarded by tons of thoughts and stuff but yup, I'm journaling them down for as memories because life lessons are too precious to forget after dawn, so if it's too wordy, skip it.And so it's been a really great holiday this time round, taking a retreat from all the hustle of busy Singapore live and just dwelling in His presence. I learn new things each day, lessons of the heart, mind and spirit and in these few days, I have grown so much closer to Him.I'm gonna be off for camp and I hope all these things won't just be head knowledge but things I will apply into daily life. Alrights, shall leave with two small thoughts. I'll be less explanatory, cos I aint good at expressing my thoughts into words hence the not-so-good writing style and as well as for ya to ponder about them.Humility.In the recent times, I've kinda got praises that really made my day and letting me know I'm back on track where I ought to be. Aside from giving the glory to God, I tend to dwell in it, and just think back on the words spoken as I smile. And with the latest comment complimenting me really really made me glad and as I thought about it, I started to focus on myself, "I'm getting better". Nothing really that wrong there, but when I start to personalize the praise, I lose sight of God's work. That it is not by my strength that I am well, but the light in me that shines from Him. And yea, and right after the compliment was a note from another friend saying otherwise. So right after I'm all high and happy here comes someone that brings me down immediately. Just crushed my happiness totally. Knowing from her personality, it's fairly meant in slight humour but despite that, it definitely held truth to it. And it was like God telling me "Alright, yeap, you've got your praise, but don't let it get to your head", which it kinda was. And yups, I'm still far from perfect, with countless flaws, both internal and external.Philippians 2:3
3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Anyways, I hope my life will shine with a new light, that people will be drawn to me, not for my attention but to see His light in me, that I can live a life as an exemplary Christian. I'm sure I will and have made many mistakes, I ask of your forgiveness, for all those that I've hurt, disappointed, stressed up, and failed to live a life right the way I ought to. I'm sorry ._.
Matthew 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Prosperity.I've heard people saying "God wants us Christians to be prosperous because He loves us." True, but have you asked yourself, do you see "prosperity" the way God sees it? To be rich, live in mansions and landed property, to own big cars, to wear the latest fashion coupled with branded goods? Or would that be what you want?Materialistic desires more often then not, often replace our affections for God, displacing our time, effort and focus on His work while we seek after our own desires. Such was the case with the young rich man when he met Jesus,
Matthew 19:16-26
16Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" 17"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." 18"Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother, and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'" 20"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?" 21Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." 22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. 23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." 25When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?" 26Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
And it's not like God doesn't want us to be rich. I'm sure there are good Christians out there that are rich, with their hearts still set towards God, but the tendency to slip into materialism is just so high. Cos ultimately in everything we do, it's the state of the heart that counts.Matthew 6:19-24 19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! 24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
And yea, seek a life after God, and He will provide all that is needed for your ministry. A thing to note, the word used here is "need", not "want". We don't need to worry about the what we lack, for He's watching over us and taking care of our lives. Matthew 6: 25-34
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Unlike the world standards, we as Christians do not need to hold a 5-figure paycheck, nor properties, automobiles and material wealth to be prosperous. We are indeed prosperous as we already are, whether or not we are in the lower, middle or upper class of the socioeconomic ladder. It is unto us to find a state of contentment. A contented heart finds great in little, and an uncontented one, little in great. Prosperous not only having our needs fulfilled but in heart, where we ought to be rich in His love; that is, God's economy.Yups, so I'll end with my definition of prosperity, where true prosperity is having no wants in life, not because I have acquired them all, but because God has supplied all that I have truly needed, and so I lack of nothing necessary to live a life that is honourable to Him and His purpose.See ya dear brothers and sisters~ ^^Labels: God, thoughts
Looking pass the facades
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Aww, I got a random inspiration just at the time I wanted to go sleep, but kinda thought it would be such a waste to let such inspirations go. Will make it short though, I hope =)I think being blind has its benefits. Blind people despite losing their sight, gain something in return in which no man with normal sight will probably attain. What they lose is the aesthetic sight and in return, their eyes are opened to the true insight of human nature, one that is unseen by the normal human eye. Because what they see in a someone, is not based on the aesthetic appearance, how nice, how tall or attractive he/she is, but they see past the outward appearance to peer in to the inner places. Your inner courts. They see past all the facades and fake smiles that go along with the so called "fine" everyone claims to be. They see what your character is like, through the tone of your speech and definitely, with their enhanced acute sense of hearing and reading of tones, there's barely much of a way your true feelings can be concealed. Yet they also see the heart of someone. Their character, values, moral behaviour and everything that lies beyond the skin of our faces, they recognize kindness and caring hearts when they meet one. I dunno if it's wrong for me to assume this way, but I would suppose blind people do find better life partners. To know and fall in love with someone of intrinsic beauty rather than of extrinsic, cause our bodies are only subjects of nature and fall away as dust, but the inner thoughts of the mind barely changes. Well, haha, I think basically, I would love to be blind to this world, blind to the aesthetic appearances and facades that so readily stirs up bias treatment, or to fool others. I wanna look into the lives of people, and be able to see into their hearts, all the hurts, all the pain. To be able to look past the lies, and facades of the world, I believe there are many hurting people.Oh and to sidetrack. The world calls for perfection. One shouldn't be all depressed and problematic. Expected to be full of smile, at your best without issues. The result? A world of lies, where everyone is wearing a mask. A facade that hides their issues, their problems, their pain. Some even to the point where they lie to themselves, suppressing their pain and needs, so as to not feel the hurt of knowing, yet being helpless to do anything about it. But you know what? it's ok to feel lousy, it's ok to feel disheartened, depressed. It's ok to feel that you have needs, to be loved, to be cared for. We're all human, cursed with imperfection and a great tendency to make mistakes. We all face hurts, and needs and wants and stuff, don't keep them in, don't conform to the world's expectations. Because you'll only be reaffirming the wide belief norm that it's needed to appear as that you are "ok" and everybody's fine as well. Break the trend, break that damn trend that tells you to live in lies. Everyone has a right to be broken, feel broken, and appear broken. Maybe there's too little love out there. Nobody's there to care for the hurts people reveal. I call out to those of good heart condition, stop living in your own comfort zone, take a look out there. There are many people with their hearts within crying out for help. Go out, go out and love. Love isn't meant for keeping, for love does no good until you give it away, where it'll touch lives, heal the broken, fill the depths of emptiness in hearts, restore relationships. And for you hurting peeps, don't keep to yourself either. Reveal to others, but of course reveal wisely. Don't go baring your hearts totally to someone that's either in the same emotional shaky boat or someone who eh, sadly really doesn't care at all, you'll only get yourself scars for opening. Oh yea, spread the love too. Share your experiences and area where you've overcome. you hurting doesn't mean you are relieved from your duty of helping and supporting another soul. I think if we can all cultivate a culture of loving, caring and sharing, this world would be so much more beautiful. And seriously, don't wait for someone to take the first step. You be in charge, you take hold of the responsibility you will and can make. Don't look for returns. Do it with an unconditional heart. For the optimistic people, look towards the light of helping someone. For the Christians, heh, look to God, that's everything you'll ever need. For the people with a heart, don't wait. Do it now. For those with pessimistic outlooks, er... look out for those coming to help you. If your heart feels a tingling after reading this, please oh please make an action, take a step, DO SOMETHING, praise someone, thank someone, say your sorries, tell someone how much you love them, how precious they are, just be out there to change the world, one heart at a time.Im gonna try. And I've got God with me ;)Nitez~Labels: heart, love, thoughts
Yet so undeserving, He came to love
Thursday, March 11, 2010
This thought was inspired when my mom’s car drove past Changi Prison. We were chatting about the upgrades of the prison and how the old prison was in such a bad condition. You could sleep at night and have your furry roommates nibble at your toes, rats, that is.“But they’re criminals, don’t they deserve it? After all, why should they be given a comfortable place to stay in after their evil deeds?” I thought, as we turned left at the junction. God chided me. “Where is your compassion? Where is your mercy?” came the reply. Such is a judgmental spirit we tend to have. We reason our actions on what people have or have not done, or whether they are fit for such treatment. To a friend who takes your kind actions for granted, who laughs off and overlook the extra miles you take to help them. To the project mate that bums about doing nothing, leaving you all the work to do, and claiming credit for the “A” your work has brought forth. To the annoying brat who mocks your forgiveness and fool around with your second chances. To the prisoners serving their sentences, they did wrong and got their just desserts.We as humans on one hand tend to take things for granted, on the other, seek appreciation and recognition for our efforts. We sometimes reach to a conclusion that those who don’t bother to even reciprocate our goodwill and take it for granted really shouldn’t be given such a privilege. First, gratefulness; they don’t deserve me doing all these for them if they aren’t gonna care. Straight to the point, I’ll say, hey you know what? I think we’re horribly ungrateful people in the first place. All the things in our lives, having it with us all the while, nothing really matters. Parents, a roof above ours head, money, the list goes on. When it’s gone, we feel the discomfort and realize, “hey, those were kinda important…” It seems unfortunately, that we often begin to truly appreciate things too late, when we lose them.From a Godly view, we probably all take His grace for granted way too much. Take for example, the Israelites when roaming in the wilderness for 40 years. God did many mighty miracles in front of their eyes; surely they should have revered Him. He parted the Red Sea for them to pass, and closed it up upon their enemies. Surely He must be God? He led them by a pillar of cloud by morning, and a pillar of fire by night. Surely He must be God? He sent forth gushing waters as Moses struck the rock. Surely He must be God? He fed them with heavenly manna as they cried out to Him. Surely He must be God? But no, despite all the wonders and miracles seen with they own eyes, they turned to worship other gods. (That was until they repented) But hey, surely if it was us, after seeing all these, we would praise Him in gratefulness right?Perhaps. Not. Sure, rare are such sights of amazing visible feats and they were meant for old times like that, you know, maybe not for modern society. I mean like you know, there’s nothing there for us to be much thankful for? But what defines a miracle? Something that’s mind-blowing? Something impossible made done? Something tangible and visible we can see? Like… a house to stay and beds to sleep in, surely we thank Him? A home where we do not worry about the next time food arrives on our plates, surely we thank Him? A proper education system, surely we thank Him? A country with freedom of religion, surely we thank Him? A land free from war and natural disasters, surely we thank Him? We do right? Or do we not? Are these not miracles by which He provided for you? And are these not miracles and wonders you see before your very eyes? Do we lift up our voices in praise and adoration for God in thanksgiving for His daily mercies and grace? So why then do we take all these things for granted? Life become so comfortable, we forget what is given and what is deserved. We deserved nothing, but are given everything we need to live life as it is. God provided the Israelites all they needed, but their hearts grew hard and forgot Him. Similarly, God has provided so much for us, but our hearts grow hard, and we take things as though we deserve them, by no merit, we ask(demand) for more, and when we don’t get that more, we complain and murmur about God’s indifference to us and our prayers. We really are a darn ungrateful bunch aren’t we? So then God ought to hold back His blessings since we’re such an unfeeling and ungrateful people right, according to how we as men do things. But He doesn’t. Because He loves.Which brings me to my next point. Love. A love that is unconditional, regardless as who the person is, what the person has done, or how he or she reciprocates your actions. Matthew 10:8b writes “freely we have received, freely shall we give” and in 1 John 3:11, "Beloved, if God loved us, we also ought to love one another" so as God has love us unconditionally of who, what and how we are, we rightfully ought to do the same for others. The word “agape” should be a representation of how our love should be. An unconditional and spiritual love of God for men and when we do things, regardless out of goodwill or not, we should not have any expectations. It could be put as such, a one-sided affair. You go all out for someone, whether or not there are any returns. You do it, because you love, and by love, I refer to “agape” love and not “eros” love, which represents the carnality and sensual affections people have for another. An example would be a mother’s love for her child. Unspeakable depths of love she goes to love her child with. Likewise we should love the people around us, and have mercy unto those who transgress us. Because ultimately, we’re the ones that are set free.Labels: God, heart, love, prayer, thoughts
Heartwarming Joys With You
Monday, March 8, 2010
My weekends this week has been a great time with friends. Both special moments on their own.Saturday spent with school frens/hiclubbers. Met friends early morning at 11 (yes its early, cos I normally wake up at 1) for breakfast at macs, and then strolling about tampines malls, buying lotsa snacks and finally heading back to my house.Played chess, chinese chess, monopoly card style, bridge, baaa, oh and taboo... with cherades =,= entertaining I'll say but daaaaaaaaarnn, I terribly hate doing cherades, just don't like being so expressive .__. But yea, disheng was really good and doing it though o.O couldn't stop laughing. Maybe I ought to free myself like that one day =)SUNDAY! only got the girls cos only took out cam when they taking pics ._. Headed to Sentosa after church to meet my homeschooling friends. Aww man, I really had a great time through the whole day. It's been quite a long time since I got to experience this feeling again. Feeling all relaxed and kinda just being me, and having them enjoy my presence with my erm, somewhat funny behaviour which just gets people laughing. I quite miss that homely feeling with them.I don't know, I find the outside world such a cold place. Everyone's up with their facades, busy at their goals and just building up walls to ward off people. .___. It's just as how when the first hour when I met them at the station, I was being all "matured and no funny-ing around", being serious and reserved, just as how the world expects everyone to be. And then, slowly as time passed, I just felt the redundancy of putting up a mask in front of them as how I was used to and just releasing myself from my restraints and to be who I am. Glad I haven't lost myself to lies and deceit, and my charm's still there =D -To bring forth smiles in the hearts of others.ANYWAY OMG. After watching people surfing at the artificial wave pool and watching some cool/good-looking dad, we walked along the beach and woaah, the girls waddled in and splashed water about screaming and yelling while I just laughed at them along the shoreline. They called me in and nopes, I kindly declined them as I would to all who offered.But no, they attempted to drag me in, and hey I'm a guy yea, what can two girls do to me to sink me in the seawater. Simple yet dumbfounding way. They dragged me. And nooo, it's not that I'm weak or what but heeeeeeeeeeey, I totally forgot I'm standing on sand, I've got nothing to hold my ground lol xD, I just got dragged along the shore with my feet stuck as deep as I could dig in, but nopes... In I go... *splashs*Oh but why the big hoohaa over this. No it's not because I just got pwned (it means lose badly in laymen terms) by two females but... ITS THAT I HAVEN'T TOUCH WATER FOR MORE THAN A YEAR. Like I totally haven't swim for yeaaaaars~ lolololol. For 10 minutes I was wailing and whining about my poor fate of how I was finally forced to submerged myself in a body of water deep enough to cover my head even when standing up. But yea, it wasn't that bad actually. Swimming is kinda cool, got eh, in my terms, playing with water. Oh and I still got my fair share of leg cramps despite ingesting so much salt water =/ Really had a memorable time with them =)Dinner up next at Carl's Jr with yet even another awesome time just laughing at each other. Especially with my lame puns that just makes people go "..." Haaaa, stupid but I just like them lols. And yup, more laughters with my ever so 'weird/funny/hilarious/retarded' behaviour and yeaa, I think, life should be so much more like this. Free to be me.(oh and for those that might want to refute me, aside from making personal choices to be who you are, many times the situation just doesn't call for it. Go ahead, live yourself as who you are, many a times, I still feel not everyone is readily accepting of flaws and misgivings. I would better say life ought to be lived in moderation, be true whenever possible, but be properly behaved when the time calls for deference. Not exactly a lie nor the truth. more of an ideal self.)But yea, thanks all =) it's been a really heartwarming weekend with you all =]Labels: frenz, memories
Where is the love?
Friday, March 5, 2010
I think we have lost our love. Ye who call yourself a Christian, do you truly live as one? Just in Singapore, turn round the corner and you'll prolly meet a Christian here or there. There's so many Christians everywhere. Isn't that something to rejoice? Perhaps, but I mourn for you all. So many of us who claim ourselves as Christians live a life that is just so contradictory to what we speak. We speak vulgarities, we gossip, we look at others with disdain. But really, where is the love. If I may just get right to the point, Christians these day, I would like to put the estimates to 95% (that includes me) have totally forgot what it means to be a Christian. Yes we still pray, we still sing praise songs, we spread the Word, but HELLLOOOOO, YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY FORGETTING ONE MAJOR IMPORTANT COMPONENT THAT BASICALLY SEPARATES US FROM WHO WE CLAIM OUR FAITH TO BE. WHERE IS THE LOVE OF CHRIST IN YOU ALL? Do we go the extra mile to help one another? to we go out of our comfort zone to care for the hurting, or do we just look at others in dissappointment and talk about how bad they are. What would Jesus do? He'll feel the pain, that these people are "lost" and not going down the right path. A brother's that is doing something wrong; do we look at him in disgust, shun him, or talk bad about him? Or do we go unto our knees in prayer, in heartfelt care and LOVE for him, that he may refrain from doing things that hurt God's heart. We live in such a comfortable world, that we become so selfish, we cease to love others the way God does, and rather, love them the way men does. If you're lovable, I'll love you, if you're bad, irritating, stupid, or something no one would like, then hell why should I love you too?
Matthew 5:43-48
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Luke 6:33-35
33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
So yea, what difference are we to the world if we only love those who love us, for everyone does it as well. But just as God loved us freely, regardless of who we are, should we not also do the same? You know, I really don't know how to put this across, but in short, we Christians ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Are we merely Christians in name, or true living people of faith that are Christ-like in mind and body. My heart bleeds for all of us. Where has the love gone? Labels: God, heart The Overhang
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
From 6 months ago, I scaled your wall with much progress. Each day would see me reaching new heights. All until I reached that obstacle. An overhang that shadowed my climb, one which had me to kept my faith and hold on with all I've got. I climbed hard, my heart burning with passion, but my mind lacking the technique. The best I could was the hold on tight, and lean my body over it, seeing where I could have been if not for this impasse. 6 months ago, I gave it my last attempt. I gave it my all. I scaled the wall with much ease, slowly as I entered the into the shade of its shadow. I held on and swung myself upwards, my arms tensing up, my palm tightening its grip. This was it, I finally got my hand pass it. It was only halfway through. Hanging on, I looked up and found nothing within my grasp. Was this it? My arms were weakening with every sway of my body. Had I to submit under fate, a cruel reality that I succumb under the weakness of an obstacle, to losing the glory of getting to you? Bit by bit, my fingers slipped off. The last thing on my mind was watching as I fell through the air, arms reached out for you.Till then, I've never gotten over you. The thought of you brought a cringing feeling to my guts, and the pain of losing you was unbearable. Today, fate brought us together once again, and I wasn't going to pass this chance. I climbed the first quarter of your wall with much ease, my hands feeble, but experience backing me up. I had lost quite a bit of technique and the knowing of reaching you, but I was determined nonetheless. Nervousness struck me as I lifted my head, and came face to face with the curse that hindered my climb for history. Putting aside all second thoughts, I stretched my hand pass the overhang and grabbed on. The fear of falling once again, as I let go of my other hand to grab on to the other corner of the protruding obstacle and pulled myself up.Each movement I made tested my faith and strength. By the time I fully got myself across it, I was tired and worn out, my legs trembling, my fingers numbed and my arms aching. I looked up, knowing the greatest enemy has been won, I struggled to lift myself up, step by step. My body was losing it and I couldn't feel anything from my fingers up to my shoulder. I was not giving up. And so I fought on. Til I reached the top. The top. My worn, blistered fingers touched the peak of the wall, till I felt nothing above me. Battered, bruised and panting, I had finally achieved my destiny. ~~~~~~~ Ha, this is just a random "emo" inspiration lols. I thought it would make a good theme for a emo post thingy lols. Anyway, this whole silly thing is basically about my rock climbing experience. 6 months ago was my last attempt at my school's rock climbing course and I had been stuck at the overhang and simply couldn't climb pass it. and erm. the overhang is about 1.7m horizontally stuck out. Like 90 degrees horizontal. mmhm. Aha, but basically I managed to climb over it today from the help of my friend who opened the rock wall for nooby climbers to try. and omg. omg. omg. I almost died after getting over the wall. I attempted crazy stunts and poses I never dared but yuuups, was there to give it my all. Woots I DID IT!!!
Labels: memories
Happy Birthday Timmy~
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Haha, heeeey heeey.A special beloved happy birthday to my dear Timmy.Yups, haha, thanks for being a really really really great friend. You is beri an awesome guy =) [girls, if you fancy him, woots, you've got good taste] And yups, thanks for being my best friend through this time, sharing our deep profound chiimish thoughts, listening to all my crap, giving me that extra push when I needed one, being there for me when I'm all emoz, having a good heart, LOLing at my crackups, being victimized by my gay jokes, failed attempts at making me look scandalous, exchanging and reviewing my writings, coming up with plans to conquer the world, taking effort to understand my indirect thoughts, moments of meta-metacognition, screwing me up, spending time with me, supporting me, tolerating all my random hoo-haas, giving me your gei gei nonsense, sharing your insights and perspectives, being part of my secrets, signing together with me so we all look like retards to the world, and yups,
being a friend for me.I thank you lots for being a really good friend for me through my poly life and life without you will simply never never never be as good as it would have. You've made my life, life. Me ♥ you~ As a friend of cos ahaha =P oh and one more thing...SHUT UP, I SAY YOU'RE A GOOD GUY MEANS YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, STOP ARGUING WITH ME OVER THIS MATTER. FULL STOP. :)Labels: frenz
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