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Abscene
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Heh, was really bored and decided to randomly stalk some people. Things were fairly interesting until I came across a certain name... Emo-ed. Kinda saddening how I've known that name for ever so long, yet knew nothing about him. Absolutely nothing. Heh ._. guess who? My own brother.Lol, I think most people don't even know I have a brother or something, or whatever not. Not their fault I guess, maybe I've been living life as though I didn't had one.Just scrolling through his facebook makes me realize how absent I am in his life, and his in mine. We're like two separate individuals brought together by conflicts, or perhaps a little gaming over the PS3.._.Am quite a failure. Over 16 years of life, I've hardly ever fulfill my role as an older brother, and in contrary, damaged his life more than anyone else ever could. Since young, I've rained on him torrents of abuse. Tore his dignity with my deep cutting words, scarring into his mind his disgusted insignificance in my eyes, and physically overpowering him with brawls finishing it with another round of humiliation. Not like it was bad enough the family situation, I probably killed him bad enough to made life hell as it ever could. Then, I felt like he was the worst guy ever, filled with pompous self-centeredness and an unreasonable grudge against the world.Pretty much thanks to me.Baaa, I myself was some horrible selfish scumbag back then, hopefully much lesser now. But argh... All the things I've done. Things got better as time pass, no longer beating him, though arguments would pop up every now and then, and once again, all the wounds would be dig up to cut them deeper. I pretty much ruined his life back as a child. Marked himself as a loser.Anyway, I'm glad to see that, life has took a turn for him this year. Changed, he has a totally new perspective to life, way much more positive. He's become quite successful, having lotsa of great friends, talented musician and with a future planned. Pretty happy for him.We've stopped quarreling as well. Or maybe we've stop "living" together. Hardly any communication. We're further than strangers, aside with occasional short conversations. I feel like a darn bad brother heh, I don't even deserve to be called his brother. Owells. I needa make more time to repair this broken relationship ._. And stop rejecting his requests whenever he invites me for a game. That's the least I could do... It's pretty much hypocritical of me if I'm good outside, yet nothing much at home. Pfft, one of my biggest failures in life. For every nice thing I'm possibly capable of, I can't even do it for my own.
Labels: EMO, Me
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Abscene
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Heh, was really bored and decided to randomly stalk some people. Things were fairly interesting until I came across a certain name... Emo-ed. Kinda saddening how I've known that name for ever so long, yet knew nothing about him. Absolutely nothing. Heh ._. guess who? My own brother.Lol, I think most people don't even know I have a brother or something, or whatever not. Not their fault I guess, maybe I've been living life as though I didn't had one.Just scrolling through his facebook makes me realize how absent I am in his life, and his in mine. We're like two separate individuals brought together by conflicts, or perhaps a little gaming over the PS3.._.Am quite a failure. Over 16 years of life, I've hardly ever fulfill my role as an older brother, and in contrary, damaged his life more than anyone else ever could. Since young, I've rained on him torrents of abuse. Tore his dignity with my deep cutting words, scarring into his mind his disgusted insignificance in my eyes, and physically overpowering him with brawls finishing it with another round of humiliation. Not like it was bad enough the family situation, I probably killed him bad enough to made life hell as it ever could. Then, I felt like he was the worst guy ever, filled with pompous self-centeredness and an unreasonable grudge against the world.Pretty much thanks to me.Baaa, I myself was some horrible selfish scumbag back then, hopefully much lesser now. But argh... All the things I've done. Things got better as time pass, no longer beating him, though arguments would pop up every now and then, and once again, all the wounds would be dig up to cut them deeper. I pretty much ruined his life back as a child. Marked himself as a loser.Anyway, I'm glad to see that, life has took a turn for him this year. Changed, he has a totally new perspective to life, way much more positive. He's become quite successful, having lotsa of great friends, talented musician and with a future planned. Pretty happy for him.We've stopped quarreling as well. Or maybe we've stop "living" together. Hardly any communication. We're further than strangers, aside with occasional short conversations. I feel like a darn bad brother heh, I don't even deserve to be called his brother. Owells. I needa make more time to repair this broken relationship ._. And stop rejecting his requests whenever he invites me for a game. That's the least I could do... It's pretty much hypocritical of me if I'm good outside, yet nothing much at home. Pfft, one of my biggest failures in life. For every nice thing I'm possibly capable of, I can't even do it for my own.
Labels: EMO, Me
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