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Letting Go Of The Past
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Amazing sermon today. Talking about emotions and stuff, how to manage them and think God really answered my prayer for guidance on what I should do next.I think I've found one of the roots to why I am the way, doing things in such a distant manner, as well as the fear that encompasses my phobia of hurting others.Self-guilt. Since the day I messed up my friendship with my best friend so badly we stopped being friends, I've never ever let myself free from this imprisoned guilt of having done someone harm. Even until many years later, I've always live under the fear of me causing harm to another. So much so that I held back my all, withholding myself from others, my full self, and distancing me being from them, thus having no real bond with any unless it was able to stretch that far.But all these overstated negative perceptions and thoughts of myself, all the self blame, self inflicted wounds unto my esteem, and how low I put myself, perhaps I've found the root to it. But now that I'm aware of such things, I'm responsible and accountable for it, and doing nothing isn't any more an excuse. I need to give myself a new start. A fresh beginning and a new record of life. The past was the past. Harm was done, forgiveness was made, everyone moved on, except me. It's time to move on Nico, stop living in the past. Face up to reality. I'm a good guy with the potential for greater things. All these false negative thoughts are only holding me down and I need to choose to release them. So I will try not to deny my genuine needs, but neither will I allow myself to selfishly satisfy my desires.God help me. People will be there too. I just need to learn how to reconnect to people. And reject all the negativism that brings me down. I'll need to learn how to open myself up, and allow my myself to feel emotions towards people. For me to fill the once empty gauge with real emotions of friendship, genuine care and love for another.I promise, I will get better, I will learn to love with my full being, and I will become more positive =)
Labels: God, heart, Me, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
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Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
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- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
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Letting Go Of The Past
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Amazing sermon today. Talking about emotions and stuff, how to manage them and think God really answered my prayer for guidance on what I should do next.I think I've found one of the roots to why I am the way, doing things in such a distant manner, as well as the fear that encompasses my phobia of hurting others.Self-guilt. Since the day I messed up my friendship with my best friend so badly we stopped being friends, I've never ever let myself free from this imprisoned guilt of having done someone harm. Even until many years later, I've always live under the fear of me causing harm to another. So much so that I held back my all, withholding myself from others, my full self, and distancing me being from them, thus having no real bond with any unless it was able to stretch that far.But all these overstated negative perceptions and thoughts of myself, all the self blame, self inflicted wounds unto my esteem, and how low I put myself, perhaps I've found the root to it. But now that I'm aware of such things, I'm responsible and accountable for it, and doing nothing isn't any more an excuse. I need to give myself a new start. A fresh beginning and a new record of life. The past was the past. Harm was done, forgiveness was made, everyone moved on, except me. It's time to move on Nico, stop living in the past. Face up to reality. I'm a good guy with the potential for greater things. All these false negative thoughts are only holding me down and I need to choose to release them. So I will try not to deny my genuine needs, but neither will I allow myself to selfishly satisfy my desires.God help me. People will be there too. I just need to learn how to reconnect to people. And reject all the negativism that brings me down. I'll need to learn how to open myself up, and allow my myself to feel emotions towards people. For me to fill the once empty gauge with real emotions of friendship, genuine care and love for another.I promise, I will get better, I will learn to love with my full being, and I will become more positive =)
Labels: God, heart, Me, thoughts
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