Wahahas, today was cell assimilation and I got to meet all the newbies that will be joining my cell. Kinda excited for the injection of fresssh newbies~ Get the whole cell thing started again, this time with me co-leading the cell waaaaahaaaas and yea, it gonna be a good experience I guess =) Cant wait for Thursday ^^
Another epic meal of my life. I bet many of you already know despite my really skinny and fragile looking size, I have some weird ability to eat a heck lot. Like seriously a heck lot. And still not get fat lols, which I bet many of you are envious of ;P. Truthfully, I have no idea where all the stuff goes to. So far, I've got comments like pig..., freak, monster, dustbin, bottomless pit, blackhole, a metabolism so high the food burns out even before it reaches my stomach, yea give it your best shot.
anyways, here's one of my exploits
Soup
Plus rice
equals awesomely good food (Time 9:22pm)
Eating while facebooking~ (Time 9:38)
Gone in like less than 20 minutes. o.O (Time 9:40)
Ok, now all those who have issues and fear of getting fat please don't kill me thankx xP Oh, and if you want to see more tell me. I don't mind doing another time with a tub of ice cream, provided you treat me, or at least half? Wheeeeee~
oh oh, And when I showed it to my mom, instead of supporting me, she laughs and is now waiting for me to get indigestion then to laugh at me again. Tsk. =__=
Random smiles:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the newspapers! Geddit? Did you get it? No? That's because the chicken got it first.
It's a Saturday and I wish I had people to hang out with but lols don't know what to do so I'm just staying home to think.
My mom asked me why someone could be so sentimental, so much so that he refuses to discard anything. I replied, "In life, people hold on to many things. Some hold on to God, some to friends, some hold on to material wealth, others to goals and dreams. He however feels he has nothing to hold on to, and so he holds on to his memories. He'll learn one day that he has to let go, let go of the past and hold on to the future."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What defines love? A mere affection towards someone? A unique bond with another being? I find "love" something so ubiquitous yet so profound, a core function that powers the very inner drive of every human being.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gotta Be Somebody (Chorus)
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there Cause everyone wants to know that someone cares Someone to love with my life in their hands, There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own, And everyone wants to know they're not alone There's gotta be somebody else that feels the same somewhere, There's gotta be somebody for me out there
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then I realize, I'm in another season of change. Many prefer the old me, others have no concerns. But the truth is, I'm just being me. What everyone has been seeing so far are merely facades. I've come to the point where I just wanna be who I really am. I need to let the me truly grow up and stop living as somebody else for once. Giving myself another chance that hopefully, I'll find someone, a real friend.
And so with my adept capacity for being alone, I'm tossing aside my need for belonging and well am just gonna charge out into life, be it whether I'm alone, or that I'll have people by me.
Cause this real me, I can assure you, will be more of a pain in the ass. Cause what good is it that everyone is your best friend yet the very friend they have in you isn't truly you, but someone you made yourself out to be just to please the world.
Many will come to hate me, but I hope that through it all, I'll find someone who can appreciate me for who I am, all my failures and weaknesses. Perhaps no one ever will, but I'm gonna well hold out til I give up again and then perhaps, I'll be back the way everyone likes me to be, a beautiful artwork piece on a large canvas merely hiding the cracks on the wall behind it; in short, living life a lie which pleases everyone but myself.
I am a lone soul lost in a world of melancholy, and finding my escape. I stumbled upon your residence while wandering one day. I knocked on your door daily each time I passed your hut and in time, you opened your door and allowed me in. I invited you to my journey to leave this place. You appeared reluctant to leave, having grown cold together with this world. And while you stay encamped around your small hut, I went out for reconnaissance, to find a way out. Through the day, I spent my time exploring, and by night, I would reside in your abode, sipping tea over a small wooden table. Days went on like this and we had some good times together and our friendship grew. Finally, I found a breakthrough, a way out to the other world and I got excited. Each other day, I would venture further along the path, and the fog surrounding me got thinner and thinner. Each time I came back to visit you, I would tell of great stories of the other side, and you would smile and nod your head. The further I traveled, the lesser time I had with you. Soon, I could no longer reach you, for I grew weary from the frequent arduous trips up and down. I committed to leave this godforsaken land. I begin to pack the little belongings I had, taking only what was necessary for I didn’t want anything to pull me down for this long voyage. I looked to you, your door shut towards me. I knew nothing I could offer would make you follow me but I really had to leave. Leave this barren snow covered land to the fields of luscious green and sunshine. To replace this dull greyscale life with the colours of the rainbow. And I took my first step, trekking down the path, leaving without saying goodbye because I didn’t want to see your tears. And so I’m writing this letter to you, and I hope it will reach your hands. Perhaps one day if I do find my way there, I hope I’ll still remember you, and I pray that you’ll be where you are, if not, that you too are already on the way here.
Shall start with the good things first (yes lol, many sad things happened today =P)
I was waiting for this day since a long long time ago, not that it was my birthday, but I just wanted to see the people that would be involved, like you know, birthday wishes, cakes, surprises and just many more things people do for their friends. Well since it's one of my first birthdays that I'm in a big social environment. And yea, it's warming to see the wishes coming in and such, even from people whom I barely know. Oh and yea, lotsaaaa facebook wishes I'll go reply them all later.
12am came and while I was busy rushing the IP presentation slides for today's presentation, I'm busy getting wishes from everywhere, facebook, msn, sms hahax. I even forgot to say thanks to some of them.
Moving on, yea there was a surprised installed for me today. After the class IP presentation, we all wanted to take pics of us in our formal attires and since I was the last one out of the class, I went back in to take a chair for the camera. And ahaha, when I walked out towards the corridor carrying the chair, out into the brightness of the open balcony, much to my big big unexpectness, there everyone's surrounding me singing the birthday song for me. Haha it's super memorable guys. It's like stepping out of the door and there my friends are all around greeting me with their big smiles and songs. Thanks a whole lot~
Oh oh, and they got me a bag, or some 'crumpler' thingy or something everyone's been saying about it which I'm still unsure of. You might be laughing at me not knowing what it is, which was what happened to my class. I couldn't figure out what it was in the plastic wrapping, I thought it was some laptop bag or something hahaha, or and I did make quite a spectacle of myself throughout the whole time.
But hey, I am really touched. Haha I don't know, I just cant express my thanks to you all~ "Thanks" can only represent just that small bit of what I feel =)
Ok, that's where the story ends. Haha. But I'll write it from least bad to worse okies? =) And noo i didn't mean for this to be a saddening post >_<
So, I was hoping to spend the day with friends but well, everyone's busy and I dare not really ask, but I did tried once. A little dissapointed about it, or haha in fact quite =l but haha, it's ok anyways. So I was free the entire day... and lols, I just spend it sticking around with Timothy. since he's free and yea, just tag along wherever he goes. Ate lunch with Tim and Don, and then to ourspace to play some board games. and then Timothy left to instruct for Hi! Club.
Ok, then the next sad thing. I couldn't go for his lessons as I planned to. Wanted to visit just to observe and well since I had friends there but he requested that I don't go for that class if possible due to some unsaid reasons . But yea, isn't his fault. Just some bad timing I guess.
Next in line would be after quite a quiet eventless day spent in hopes, I'm alone sitting in my bus on the long ride home. Heh, that's where I started feeling a little sad, and was so tired I keep hitting the guy's shoulders beside me while snoozing.
And then because I told my family I would be out for the night (cause I intended to go to Timothy's class), I went back home to erm a... dark quiet house... everyone's out. Not much friends, no family for the day, no dinner for me either. Oh sheesh =/
Ok left two more hahax, and oh boyz, I pissed two people of today... One cause, I don't know. Secondly cause I'm being too self centered and erms, well I don't know. She kinda disturbed us by intruding our plans? Never mind, not an excuse still. Sorries =l
Ok this one's the best. The ultimate bomb. (oh and it's not an emo post. It's jus made slightly ambiguous to avoid direct contact just in case) You know, I'm quite disappointed with you today. You probably had your reasons, but I thought that was unnecessary. But who am I to judge. I can no longer reach where you are, I'm well on to a different level I guess. No longer the same me. I've no longer the same views and perspectives about it. No matter how I try, we've lost the connection already. I've lost grip of your hand. And the rift is growing, with each thing that happens it just keep growing. And I really don't know, maybe I'm done with what I'm meant to do. I feel you're in quite good hands anyway, there isn't a real need for me to be around anymore. I'm ready to let go of this. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm of no use to you anymore. Maybe I just don't know what to do anymore.
Memories for this birthday
My awesome class and that touching scene
My new bag =)
My friends
My most formal wear ever
My endless birthday wishes
You =P
Oh, and something important. Thanks Timothy, while it might have been nothing much for you but yea, without you, I would have spent my birthday alone. Thanks a lot bro. ^^ I'm at the brink of tears... it's been a lonely day...
A word, is just a word, till you mean what you say. And love, isn't love, till you give it away.
I know those may have just been childish fantasies that held no truth, but those words are worth dreaming for. Because they were words spoken by you.
Haaa, celebrated my birthday with some big chocolate mousse cake. And then take photo with me cake and fire~ Had my cake thingy since I'm busy on wednesday and friday and haha I'm leaving my thursday night free if possible, like maybe if anything happens >_<
Yea some random pics. (tomorrow then i post up the pics) =P
The best gift I could ask for cannot be bought by money, nor created by hands. All I wish for are your sincere heartfelt prayers and blessings. Cause everything I really want this year is to grow closer to God, be a muuch much better person, not for myself but for Him. And most importantly, I really really wanna grow closer and build an intimate relationship with my Father. That I'll talk with Him everyday, and may His presence fill my life, and that I'll walk closer to Him each passing day ^^
Haaa, the excitement!!~
Just for laughs, I was taking pictures in the dark ya, so I wanted to do some picture where I was staring closely at the flame. Wahaha, my eyes were so close to the candle, I could smell the fire =P and then got some sizzling sounds. I thought my chocolate was making funny noises. And then it sizzled again. And again. Then I thought, oh no die, I think I just fried my hair. Hurry on to on the lights and heyooo wat cha know, I did!! LOL How cool is that, I actually burnt my fringe from the very flame of my birthday cake!
Woots. OB workshop was a big success. The game plan impressed lotsa people =D, even Mr Tan. haha , all my hard work worth it, he gave us a A straight for the activity part ^^ It's awesome to know I've done something so well. Oh and sad enough, everyone in class chose the same path, like 2/3 of the game was unexplored... so much for me thinking overly hard =/
But hahax, and yea recently my mood has been super bad from the stress. Have been easily pissable and annoyed and have been quite hostile to some of my friends. so sorry guys =( Boo me.
And waha, I realized I haven't been talking to anyone onn MSN other than Timothy, as in starting up a convo, but hahax, and with that there's still people chatting, it's kinda cool seeing people finding me to talk haha =) Thaaanks
Finally, YAAAAAAY not meant to boast but wheee I got 42/50 for stats~ 84% =D I thought I was gonna only get 30's or some where around there but heyhey, I'm one of the high fews! And I studied from slides =P lols. Okies enuf =x
"Happiness if found within yourself, for true happiness no man can give"
“Great works are not done by great men but by men of great faith.”
All these vision I hold on to, the ideal world of what everything life could be simply remains as a projected image on the back of my mind. “A thinker I am; a doer not”, I openly confess to many. But what makes life purpose as it is for one to sit back and daydream of the idyllic world. These visions I see and feel, do I merely confine it to a picture of what it could be, or have I gone down to make a picture of what it will be. The initiative to bring to this world what I can do for it.
“It is not who you are to someone or something but what you can do for it.”
Regardless of whether one is a reclusive introvert, or charming person with charisma, or the humourous dude that “self-pwns”, it all boils down to an action of chosen willingness to do something for someone, or yourself. It’s about doing things you want, as long as it’s right, and not caring a hoot about what the world may say so as long as your values are not compromised.
Are you willing to be that fire? A fire to provide warmth and light for the lost, the weary, the homeless. A wildfire that continues to spread and before long, souls are burning others within proximity and we see the majestic results of a blazing inferno.
“You don’t wait for the right opportunity, you make the opportunity right.”
The race you run, the path you walk, each step you take changes the world. Leaving a footprint in the heart of a life, one by one and in time, and when you turn to look back, you’ll realize the world is no longer the same, not because the world are fated for change, but because you decided and made the choice to do so.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” - Corinthians 12:9
Ahhh omg I've been asked to share some testimony for church camp on the thanksgiving service of like 500+ youths and their parents. OMG haha, to keep it short, I'm arent one who bears to reject ppl eaisly and my heart say go yes, but to stand there in front of so many ppl. I think I'll crumble under the intense pressure, or be like really traumatised after it. but yups, after great consideration I think I'ma go .__.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and awesome. I just screwed myself again. Him, you, me. wootz. I'm quite much a failure to this whole thing. And he's rebuking me in everything I say and do. Not to mention the present overshadowing. anyways. I'm sorry. I'm dam sorry to all those out there I just never fail to screw things up.
"Scars"
Go figure. I'm all set to close up and leave already. Im not the type to take this kind of pain. Goodbye world.
Baaa am not knowing why but I still feel a bit of melancholy. Just wanna stay my own corner and keep quiet, pretend that I'm invisible. Yet would I wish for people to come talk to me. Yet I don't really want to reply them. Lolz. Social relations can be quite a hassle at times.
And then best. Not really something I wanted but seems that my good friend is actually the cutting tool to my life. No, not cut as in the way you cut diamonds but the way you chisel rocks? Every now and then he chips a bit of my good feeling me without knowing, not that it's his fault, but just that he's the nemesis of my hidden personality and that quite sucks .___.
Hais, owells. that's why I dun like pro ppl, cause I really don't like being overshadowed by you, give me some space, I need a light of my own and heh, you're good I know, but you dun really have to stick your knife into me every now and then, telling me things I dun need to know. You're surpass me way lots in the already rare good things I have and now you're making me feel all useless... And he's my good friend? o.o, lose a friend or suffer the pain. The latter I guess...
Oh and yups, sorry to all the peeps I've been cold-ish towards. I well just don't feel like talking too much, but nooo, doesnt mean I dun wan to talk to you, I just have nothing much to talk at times. But I'm still open to conversations =]
And then I need to become the most friendly guy on thursday. Open house + cell assimilation =]
secrets and proximity, you win, I get it ok? now buzz off while I stay here to sulk.
Im bored staying up at 3 so I decided to blog about slightly random things of my life. And yea, you can see from the poor writing that i'm a little whoozy from lack of sleep ;)
I amazingly chionged essay together with Jun Ming at NLB. yupz. 1200 words. it is awesome shitz, haaa never do until so pro before. but also cause I read up a heckz lots before starting my work =) Oh and also cause there isn't any internet and I'm not allowed to make any noise, like heh, talk to people so all there's left to do is essayz =(
yups and woots, my cellgroups gonna have 8 fresh meat from sec 4 =D, and haha by God's grace I'll be taking up a potential leadership role. wahahas, hope to give them a good time with our cell ^^
I still can taste the Ajinomoto taste from lunch's fish porridge on my burnt tongue. It's 3am now... kinda 15 hours later? O.o
"The last thing a fish will discover is water." Kinda true isn't it. Often the times where we take for granted to things around us, only to discover and appreciate it when it's too late. As for a fish, to be out of water might mean possible death, but are we to be like fishes to only cherish things when we lose them?
Am commited to live a good and fulfilling 2010, a life right before God. All the growth, all the thing that's installed for me WHOOO, I cant wait!
Oh and schools starting tomorrow :/ but i heard only haz 1 or 2 days of class :D
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Wahahas, today was cell assimilation and I got to meet all the newbies that will be joining my cell. Kinda excited for the injection of fresssh newbies~ Get the whole cell thing started again, this time with me co-leading the cell waaaaahaaaas and yea, it gonna be a good experience I guess =) Cant wait for Thursday ^^
Another epic meal of my life. I bet many of you already know despite my really skinny and fragile looking size, I have some weird ability to eat a heck lot. Like seriously a heck lot. And still not get fat lols, which I bet many of you are envious of ;P. Truthfully, I have no idea where all the stuff goes to. So far, I've got comments like pig..., freak, monster, dustbin, bottomless pit, blackhole, a metabolism so high the food burns out even before it reaches my stomach, yea give it your best shot.
anyways, here's one of my exploits
Soup
Plus rice
equals awesomely good food (Time 9:22pm)
Eating while facebooking~ (Time 9:38)
Gone in like less than 20 minutes. o.O (Time 9:40)
Ok, now all those who have issues and fear of getting fat please don't kill me thankx xP Oh, and if you want to see more tell me. I don't mind doing another time with a tub of ice cream, provided you treat me, or at least half? Wheeeeee~
oh oh, And when I showed it to my mom, instead of supporting me, she laughs and is now waiting for me to get indigestion then to laugh at me again. Tsk. =__=
Random smiles:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the newspapers! Geddit? Did you get it? No? That's because the chicken got it first.
It's a Saturday and I wish I had people to hang out with but lols don't know what to do so I'm just staying home to think.
My mom asked me why someone could be so sentimental, so much so that he refuses to discard anything. I replied, "In life, people hold on to many things. Some hold on to God, some to friends, some hold on to material wealth, others to goals and dreams. He however feels he has nothing to hold on to, and so he holds on to his memories. He'll learn one day that he has to let go, let go of the past and hold on to the future."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What defines love? A mere affection towards someone? A unique bond with another being? I find "love" something so ubiquitous yet so profound, a core function that powers the very inner drive of every human being.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gotta Be Somebody (Chorus)
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there Cause everyone wants to know that someone cares Someone to love with my life in their hands, There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own, And everyone wants to know they're not alone There's gotta be somebody else that feels the same somewhere, There's gotta be somebody for me out there
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then I realize, I'm in another season of change. Many prefer the old me, others have no concerns. But the truth is, I'm just being me. What everyone has been seeing so far are merely facades. I've come to the point where I just wanna be who I really am. I need to let the me truly grow up and stop living as somebody else for once. Giving myself another chance that hopefully, I'll find someone, a real friend.
And so with my adept capacity for being alone, I'm tossing aside my need for belonging and well am just gonna charge out into life, be it whether I'm alone, or that I'll have people by me.
Cause this real me, I can assure you, will be more of a pain in the ass. Cause what good is it that everyone is your best friend yet the very friend they have in you isn't truly you, but someone you made yourself out to be just to please the world.
Many will come to hate me, but I hope that through it all, I'll find someone who can appreciate me for who I am, all my failures and weaknesses. Perhaps no one ever will, but I'm gonna well hold out til I give up again and then perhaps, I'll be back the way everyone likes me to be, a beautiful artwork piece on a large canvas merely hiding the cracks on the wall behind it; in short, living life a lie which pleases everyone but myself.
I am a lone soul lost in a world of melancholy, and finding my escape. I stumbled upon your residence while wandering one day. I knocked on your door daily each time I passed your hut and in time, you opened your door and allowed me in. I invited you to my journey to leave this place. You appeared reluctant to leave, having grown cold together with this world. And while you stay encamped around your small hut, I went out for reconnaissance, to find a way out. Through the day, I spent my time exploring, and by night, I would reside in your abode, sipping tea over a small wooden table. Days went on like this and we had some good times together and our friendship grew. Finally, I found a breakthrough, a way out to the other world and I got excited. Each other day, I would venture further along the path, and the fog surrounding me got thinner and thinner. Each time I came back to visit you, I would tell of great stories of the other side, and you would smile and nod your head. The further I traveled, the lesser time I had with you. Soon, I could no longer reach you, for I grew weary from the frequent arduous trips up and down. I committed to leave this godforsaken land. I begin to pack the little belongings I had, taking only what was necessary for I didn’t want anything to pull me down for this long voyage. I looked to you, your door shut towards me. I knew nothing I could offer would make you follow me but I really had to leave. Leave this barren snow covered land to the fields of luscious green and sunshine. To replace this dull greyscale life with the colours of the rainbow. And I took my first step, trekking down the path, leaving without saying goodbye because I didn’t want to see your tears. And so I’m writing this letter to you, and I hope it will reach your hands. Perhaps one day if I do find my way there, I hope I’ll still remember you, and I pray that you’ll be where you are, if not, that you too are already on the way here.
Shall start with the good things first (yes lol, many sad things happened today =P)
I was waiting for this day since a long long time ago, not that it was my birthday, but I just wanted to see the people that would be involved, like you know, birthday wishes, cakes, surprises and just many more things people do for their friends. Well since it's one of my first birthdays that I'm in a big social environment. And yea, it's warming to see the wishes coming in and such, even from people whom I barely know. Oh and yea, lotsaaaa facebook wishes I'll go reply them all later.
12am came and while I was busy rushing the IP presentation slides for today's presentation, I'm busy getting wishes from everywhere, facebook, msn, sms hahax. I even forgot to say thanks to some of them.
Moving on, yea there was a surprised installed for me today. After the class IP presentation, we all wanted to take pics of us in our formal attires and since I was the last one out of the class, I went back in to take a chair for the camera. And ahaha, when I walked out towards the corridor carrying the chair, out into the brightness of the open balcony, much to my big big unexpectness, there everyone's surrounding me singing the birthday song for me. Haha it's super memorable guys. It's like stepping out of the door and there my friends are all around greeting me with their big smiles and songs. Thanks a whole lot~
Oh oh, and they got me a bag, or some 'crumpler' thingy or something everyone's been saying about it which I'm still unsure of. You might be laughing at me not knowing what it is, which was what happened to my class. I couldn't figure out what it was in the plastic wrapping, I thought it was some laptop bag or something hahaha, or and I did make quite a spectacle of myself throughout the whole time.
But hey, I am really touched. Haha I don't know, I just cant express my thanks to you all~ "Thanks" can only represent just that small bit of what I feel =)
Ok, that's where the story ends. Haha. But I'll write it from least bad to worse okies? =) And noo i didn't mean for this to be a saddening post >_<
So, I was hoping to spend the day with friends but well, everyone's busy and I dare not really ask, but I did tried once. A little dissapointed about it, or haha in fact quite =l but haha, it's ok anyways. So I was free the entire day... and lols, I just spend it sticking around with Timothy. since he's free and yea, just tag along wherever he goes. Ate lunch with Tim and Don, and then to ourspace to play some board games. and then Timothy left to instruct for Hi! Club.
Ok, then the next sad thing. I couldn't go for his lessons as I planned to. Wanted to visit just to observe and well since I had friends there but he requested that I don't go for that class if possible due to some unsaid reasons . But yea, isn't his fault. Just some bad timing I guess.
Next in line would be after quite a quiet eventless day spent in hopes, I'm alone sitting in my bus on the long ride home. Heh, that's where I started feeling a little sad, and was so tired I keep hitting the guy's shoulders beside me while snoozing.
And then because I told my family I would be out for the night (cause I intended to go to Timothy's class), I went back home to erm a... dark quiet house... everyone's out. Not much friends, no family for the day, no dinner for me either. Oh sheesh =/
Ok left two more hahax, and oh boyz, I pissed two people of today... One cause, I don't know. Secondly cause I'm being too self centered and erms, well I don't know. She kinda disturbed us by intruding our plans? Never mind, not an excuse still. Sorries =l
Ok this one's the best. The ultimate bomb. (oh and it's not an emo post. It's jus made slightly ambiguous to avoid direct contact just in case) You know, I'm quite disappointed with you today. You probably had your reasons, but I thought that was unnecessary. But who am I to judge. I can no longer reach where you are, I'm well on to a different level I guess. No longer the same me. I've no longer the same views and perspectives about it. No matter how I try, we've lost the connection already. I've lost grip of your hand. And the rift is growing, with each thing that happens it just keep growing. And I really don't know, maybe I'm done with what I'm meant to do. I feel you're in quite good hands anyway, there isn't a real need for me to be around anymore. I'm ready to let go of this. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm of no use to you anymore. Maybe I just don't know what to do anymore.
Memories for this birthday
My awesome class and that touching scene
My new bag =)
My friends
My most formal wear ever
My endless birthday wishes
You =P
Oh, and something important. Thanks Timothy, while it might have been nothing much for you but yea, without you, I would have spent my birthday alone. Thanks a lot bro. ^^ I'm at the brink of tears... it's been a lonely day...
A word, is just a word, till you mean what you say. And love, isn't love, till you give it away.
I know those may have just been childish fantasies that held no truth, but those words are worth dreaming for. Because they were words spoken by you.
Haaa, celebrated my birthday with some big chocolate mousse cake. And then take photo with me cake and fire~ Had my cake thingy since I'm busy on wednesday and friday and haha I'm leaving my thursday night free if possible, like maybe if anything happens >_<
Yea some random pics. (tomorrow then i post up the pics) =P
The best gift I could ask for cannot be bought by money, nor created by hands. All I wish for are your sincere heartfelt prayers and blessings. Cause everything I really want this year is to grow closer to God, be a muuch much better person, not for myself but for Him. And most importantly, I really really wanna grow closer and build an intimate relationship with my Father. That I'll talk with Him everyday, and may His presence fill my life, and that I'll walk closer to Him each passing day ^^
Haaa, the excitement!!~
Just for laughs, I was taking pictures in the dark ya, so I wanted to do some picture where I was staring closely at the flame. Wahaha, my eyes were so close to the candle, I could smell the fire =P and then got some sizzling sounds. I thought my chocolate was making funny noises. And then it sizzled again. And again. Then I thought, oh no die, I think I just fried my hair. Hurry on to on the lights and heyooo wat cha know, I did!! LOL How cool is that, I actually burnt my fringe from the very flame of my birthday cake!
Woots. OB workshop was a big success. The game plan impressed lotsa people =D, even Mr Tan. haha , all my hard work worth it, he gave us a A straight for the activity part ^^ It's awesome to know I've done something so well. Oh and sad enough, everyone in class chose the same path, like 2/3 of the game was unexplored... so much for me thinking overly hard =/
But hahax, and yea recently my mood has been super bad from the stress. Have been easily pissable and annoyed and have been quite hostile to some of my friends. so sorry guys =( Boo me.
And waha, I realized I haven't been talking to anyone onn MSN other than Timothy, as in starting up a convo, but hahax, and with that there's still people chatting, it's kinda cool seeing people finding me to talk haha =) Thaaanks
Finally, YAAAAAAY not meant to boast but wheee I got 42/50 for stats~ 84% =D I thought I was gonna only get 30's or some where around there but heyhey, I'm one of the high fews! And I studied from slides =P lols. Okies enuf =x
"Happiness if found within yourself, for true happiness no man can give"
“Great works are not done by great men but by men of great faith.”
All these vision I hold on to, the ideal world of what everything life could be simply remains as a projected image on the back of my mind. “A thinker I am; a doer not”, I openly confess to many. But what makes life purpose as it is for one to sit back and daydream of the idyllic world. These visions I see and feel, do I merely confine it to a picture of what it could be, or have I gone down to make a picture of what it will be. The initiative to bring to this world what I can do for it.
“It is not who you are to someone or something but what you can do for it.”
Regardless of whether one is a reclusive introvert, or charming person with charisma, or the humourous dude that “self-pwns”, it all boils down to an action of chosen willingness to do something for someone, or yourself. It’s about doing things you want, as long as it’s right, and not caring a hoot about what the world may say so as long as your values are not compromised.
Are you willing to be that fire? A fire to provide warmth and light for the lost, the weary, the homeless. A wildfire that continues to spread and before long, souls are burning others within proximity and we see the majestic results of a blazing inferno.
“You don’t wait for the right opportunity, you make the opportunity right.”
The race you run, the path you walk, each step you take changes the world. Leaving a footprint in the heart of a life, one by one and in time, and when you turn to look back, you’ll realize the world is no longer the same, not because the world are fated for change, but because you decided and made the choice to do so.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” - Corinthians 12:9
Ahhh omg I've been asked to share some testimony for church camp on the thanksgiving service of like 500+ youths and their parents. OMG haha, to keep it short, I'm arent one who bears to reject ppl eaisly and my heart say go yes, but to stand there in front of so many ppl. I think I'll crumble under the intense pressure, or be like really traumatised after it. but yups, after great consideration I think I'ma go .__.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and awesome. I just screwed myself again. Him, you, me. wootz. I'm quite much a failure to this whole thing. And he's rebuking me in everything I say and do. Not to mention the present overshadowing. anyways. I'm sorry. I'm dam sorry to all those out there I just never fail to screw things up.
"Scars"
Go figure. I'm all set to close up and leave already. Im not the type to take this kind of pain. Goodbye world.
Baaa am not knowing why but I still feel a bit of melancholy. Just wanna stay my own corner and keep quiet, pretend that I'm invisible. Yet would I wish for people to come talk to me. Yet I don't really want to reply them. Lolz. Social relations can be quite a hassle at times.
And then best. Not really something I wanted but seems that my good friend is actually the cutting tool to my life. No, not cut as in the way you cut diamonds but the way you chisel rocks? Every now and then he chips a bit of my good feeling me without knowing, not that it's his fault, but just that he's the nemesis of my hidden personality and that quite sucks .___.
Hais, owells. that's why I dun like pro ppl, cause I really don't like being overshadowed by you, give me some space, I need a light of my own and heh, you're good I know, but you dun really have to stick your knife into me every now and then, telling me things I dun need to know. You're surpass me way lots in the already rare good things I have and now you're making me feel all useless... And he's my good friend? o.o, lose a friend or suffer the pain. The latter I guess...
Oh and yups, sorry to all the peeps I've been cold-ish towards. I well just don't feel like talking too much, but nooo, doesnt mean I dun wan to talk to you, I just have nothing much to talk at times. But I'm still open to conversations =]
And then I need to become the most friendly guy on thursday. Open house + cell assimilation =]
secrets and proximity, you win, I get it ok? now buzz off while I stay here to sulk.
Im bored staying up at 3 so I decided to blog about slightly random things of my life. And yea, you can see from the poor writing that i'm a little whoozy from lack of sleep ;)
I amazingly chionged essay together with Jun Ming at NLB. yupz. 1200 words. it is awesome shitz, haaa never do until so pro before. but also cause I read up a heckz lots before starting my work =) Oh and also cause there isn't any internet and I'm not allowed to make any noise, like heh, talk to people so all there's left to do is essayz =(
yups and woots, my cellgroups gonna have 8 fresh meat from sec 4 =D, and haha by God's grace I'll be taking up a potential leadership role. wahahas, hope to give them a good time with our cell ^^
I still can taste the Ajinomoto taste from lunch's fish porridge on my burnt tongue. It's 3am now... kinda 15 hours later? O.o
"The last thing a fish will discover is water." Kinda true isn't it. Often the times where we take for granted to things around us, only to discover and appreciate it when it's too late. As for a fish, to be out of water might mean possible death, but are we to be like fishes to only cherish things when we lose them?
Am commited to live a good and fulfilling 2010, a life right before God. All the growth, all the thing that's installed for me WHOOO, I cant wait!
Oh and schools starting tomorrow :/ but i heard only haz 1 or 2 days of class :D
Darren Nico Pillai