profile journal archives others follow+
The boy knocking at the door of my heart
Saturday, November 14, 2009

The boy knocking at the door of my heart


I just found out that I,
have changed for the worse.
And I thought I was doing it right.
For something great, I lost something good.

I fear their rejection,
Open up, others told me.
I did, and they walked away.
Or maybe. I walked away.

Maybe in my life, I'm not destined to have it.
Maybe those 2 weeks, were just a passing cloud,
a shooting star, fulfilling my deepest desires,
and that it was just a dream.

Its time I stop living in that dream.
People are leaving.
Others are coming.
Who should I hold on to?

But I hanker after that dream,
cause I dont want to believe its over.
because I really want that feel.
But its reality and there ain't such a thing.

It was something I searched for throughout my life
and then discarded, thinking it would never meant to be
Til I found them,
I believed again.

I was revived.
the boy within me
and people accepted me
they loved me

Holding on to this dream,
I searched on, in my home,
for someone to pat my head,
for someone to love me more.

Nico I became,
to signify being me
to tell the world, I believed
that I put aside my perceptions, and believed

Believed that I would be accepted
The one inside me.
But even revealing that little bit
frowns, their smiles became.

My friend told me,
"Darren belongs to us,
Nico belongs to them"
I don't really have a choice, do I?

I opened up to you,
thinking is was the right thing to do
that you will give me the same.
turns out, dreams will always be dreams.

Today. I know, and I realized.
After this day,
the doors of my heart shall be closed.
I'll try my best to be who I am again.

I guess, being me,
can be disgusting.
I'll be who you want me to be
Just dont go.

Because between a world I want and enjoy
and the family I have,
though not as good as that out there
I'm choosing you.

So I'm gonna tell Nico to go
even though I wished him to stay
back to the dark pits of my heart
never to be seen again.

Goodbyes to you,
for it was nice seeing you,
after so many years
I got to held your hand again.

And with a pierced heart,
I turned my head away.
Tears falling as I ran,
back to my home where I began.

Goodbyes...

Labels: , , , , , , ,


We walk together
Sunday, October 25, 2009

Went out with the YEP peeps to Marina Barrage for out outing!!!

The weather was kinda blazing hot. Definitely got myself cooked. Tanned and sunburnt :)

The whole time there was just fun.
  • Spending time together with the YEP peeps.
  • Pleeeenty of food.
  • Frisbee was mega awesome.
  • Laughters and silly scandals.
  • YEP peeps are the best ever.
  • I actually 'camwhored' a bit ._. A BIT. puny wuny lil bit.
  • Being with my family, what more could I ask for.
We had lots of food to share about and wheee, playing frisbee was super fun too, me doing the high jumps and JY doing the low catches with splits. And just by being with them kinda cheered me up immensely. No more emo haha :D

Walked about Suntec with the rest that's left. Eza' joined us later for dinner and heeey more fun again! Laughter over dinner over some... Powerpuff girls thing =,=. Managed another selfown thanks to that.

To end it off, i just wanna say. DAM I love you YEP people! The best thing that has ever happened to me so far.

~just some pics~

Dun mess with the hungry dude.


Cliche thing to do with sticks lying around.


:D

Starting a fire.

It's not my teeth disintegrating. Its just marshmallows.

Labels: ,


Hear the school bells ringing
Sunday, October 18, 2009

The holidays hav come to an end and this has been the most meaningful and impactful holidays of my life. Most of the times I'll be just rotting away at home but this time, it's event filled and action packed.

From pre-YEP preparations, 2 weeks of YEP in Vietnam, Hi! Club camp, and HMS LAC Camp.

In YEP, I found a family, and within the two camps, I found friends. Each and every of these events have impacted my life, and change my views, especially YEP. But I hope things wont just end when school starts, I pray I'll bring these changes together with me as I progress ahead.

I don't want these things to be part of my memories, because memories grow old and fade,
I want these to be part of my life.


Oh and here's a video for my YEP trip =D

Labels: , , , ,


HMS HO BO?!!
Saturday, October 17, 2009



HMS LAC Camp was awesome, even though 36 out of 70 campers turned up. 1 Group only had 3 campers. 4 days of camp certainly was tough-ish. Got dirty, sweaty and definitely with the lack of sleep.

The camp really opened my world to HMS. Got to know lots of seniors as well as freshies :) - found out more people knew me then I knew them.


The Purple Barneys

My group was labelled as the horniest group... (eh I wasnt part of that nonsense ok...) But hey, I still thought we were the most awesome group ever! :D


Sleeping on the floor was worse that I expected. Having slept on the floor many times, I often using my sleeping bag as a pillow, and in this camp we slept in the classroom which was insanely cold so I had to use the bag. Sleeping on the floor at home seems so much comfier, and also, we woke up each morning with red eyes thanks to the dusty floors.


Some random pics

playing with peoples bags ._.


I look like a small kid here... =,=


Look at that pile of water bombs!!! 1000+~


Purple Barneys and Green Ninjas


Forfiet...


Outing with YEP peeps

Went out with the YEP peeps after dragon boat. Its like I've become part of a family. There's just so much about it that cant be put into words. We're more than friends, we're family. I absolutely enjoy every minute being with them and I really wish this will never end.

Labels: , , ,


HMS YEP - VIETNAM 09
Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It's been a long two weeks, and certainly everyday of it was utmost fun.

We painted
we sweated
we got dirty
we endured

we complained
we chatted
we laughed
we smiled

we helped
we taught
we learnt
we befriended

we ate
we played
we danced
we had fun


But aside from the lessons on happiness and quick thinking, I actually experienced something rather impactful in my life, which I can say, as changed the way I feel and think about myself.

Surely, the people in the YEP team has seen a side of me, no one, not even me, have seen since a decade.

For once, a moment in my life, I was who I am. Or that other side of me many people tend to despise. Not here, not now.

Finally, away from the world's expectation of needing to be matured, I finally put aside my facades and lived the kid within me. Just laughing forever, jumping, being ever excited about everything. I was a kid.

They accepted me, enjoyed me, liked me, and invited me. It feels good to be 'me', it really does.

With this, maybe it isnt that bad to open up. I became more confident about myself. Who knows, one day, I might just be free from the prison I created.

Labels: , , ,


HAPPY BIRTHDAAAY
Friday, September 25, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVETTE!

Hai yvette! Happy Birthday!

Haha, I’m in Vietnam noow and I’m having sooo much fun with the kids!

Thanks for being such a good friend and haha I am blessed to have friends like you, as well as the other jealous classmates seeing this (Yaaa I love T01 too okay?)

stay happy and keep smiling okay?

cupcakes ~ ♥

Labels: , ,


OFF TO VIETNAM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009

NOOOOO I'm so not ready for Vietnam trip!
Doesn't feel like I'm leaving for it.
5am up in the morning oh boyzzz
Plz plz plz dun forget anything :/

AND DUN WORRY, MY BLOG WILL STILL CONTINUED TO BE UPDATED KAYZ??
JUS SOME RANDOM POSTS I SCHEDULED.

saying bye to all my friends is the toughest part.
So far meeting all this new bunch of people in this new life of mine has been most enjoyable, especially with some special friends ;)

I'll miss all of you dearly *sniff* haha sounds like I'm going off forever like that but =)
I love you all to bits ^^

Labels:


I haven't
Monday, September 14, 2009

Omg... I went back to school today just to collect a bag of luggage that has been assigned to me just because I couldnt get it on Friday :/

I'm leaving tomorrow.

And I havn't packed yet.

And I havnt bought all the necessities yet.

And I havn't read thru my task sheet yet.

And I havn't see my timetable yet.

And I havn't familiarize with my work there yet.

I'm a true procrastinator. Oh yeaa oh yeaa

Random Smiles

Eh... Dr Juliet just sat one table away from me while I'm typing this.
"You're flying tomorrow right? Excited?"

You know, sometimes she doesn't seem so bad actually ;)

Labels: ,


clap your hands to the music..
Tuesday, September 8, 2009

heh, yet another boring day with fairly interesting happenings.

Learnt 3 different sets of dance for YEP trip; indian dance, mass dance and... sports dance - from Hi5 ...

"and you clap your hands to the music..."

Whatevers.

Tore my fingernail while peeling vegetables.


broccoli stems...

missing you every minute ~ ♥

Labels: ,


Dont poke me please
Monday, August 31, 2009

Stayed up last night for a movie marathon :) Caught with some old films. Ok, not that old actually.
Started with Iron Man then Taken and 300

Taken and 300 were superb man. Til now, all the fighting scenes are stuck in my head. 300's fighting scenes and dam cool plz.

Alrites, had my jab for YEP trip today. Filled in tons of paperwork for an hour. Had a chance to bond with the older guys :)



Heh, we had a health talk about how to keep safe and prevent any illnesses. Typhoid and Hepatitis A, passable by food and water. Do not take any ice. Ice is from tap water. Dam... cold water no?

Oh oh how about Traveler's Diarrhea.

Head Doctor: Oh if you have to go to the toilet 10 times a day, or if the diarrhea last for more than 7 days, then its considered a severe case

Here's another one...

Header Doctor: You can go to a hospital for medication there or wait till you come back.

ERM, ISN'T DIARRHEA WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT? DIDN'T YOU JUST MENTIONED 10 TIMES A DAY? AND WAT? WE'RE LIKE GONNA BE THERE FOR 2 WEEKS. WAIT TIL WE COME BACK?

Yea, my second favourite. Rabies. Here's a questionnaire for you.

Rabiphobia


Instructions: This is a test on how much you really are afraid of rabies. Look at the following statements. If you ever a tinge of "Oh shit, rabies is gonna kill the world", you lose. If you don't, move on to the next statement ;)




--- Stay away from all animals you see. Dogs, cats, chickens and bats included. ---
Does that scare you?



--- We all know rabies is easily transmittable by animal bites and the place we're going is pretty rural ---
Terrified of animals now?



--- Dogs might sometimes attack you even when unprovoked. ---
Tell me you're shivering with fear



--- If you get rabies, you need to get the immunoglobulin within 7 days to be safe from it ---
7 days!! wat if you cant make it in 7 days?!?





CONGRATULATIONS FOR REACHING THIS FAR, YOU ARENT AFRAID OF ANYTHING ARE YOU? ARE YOU READY FOR THE FINAL QUESTION?



--- If you get rabies, you'll need to receive five injections for treatment, as well as another for immunoglobulin treatment. Oh plz, I'm not done yet. Each jab will cost you $160. EACH. Fantastic. Oh, and I forgot one more thing. The immunoglobulin, yes that word you're having problems reading out in your mind, will cost you $1-2-0-0.
Get one bite and that will be $2000 + a flight back home for hospitalization. Do visit us again! Kthxbai




Let's see, I'll end it off with malaria. OH Binh Dong is quite a malaria stricken place so its quite easy to get malaria.

Head Doctor: Aedes are those carrying dengue while Anopheles are the ones with malaria, so they're the night shift workers.

Hmm...

Head Doctor: We'll be giving you doxycycline to prevent malaria. You'll have to take one before the trip, one daily throughout the trip, and one daily for 28 days after. Erm, that will be able forty pills in total

You could just see everyone's face go "WTH?!"...

Oh, and she's wearing a mask but I can so bet you she has an evil smile underneath it

Head Doctor: That because the malaria parasite can stay dormant in your body for up to one year, so this medication will cover you for the first month.

One year? Just great.

Ok in conclusion, this rural area of Vietnam poses plenty of points that can cause illnesses. Er, thanks for the talk.

DUN YOU FEEL SO MUCH SAFER ALREADY?




Lol, it's been quite some time since I had uncontrollable laughing fits but yea, right after i had my injection (2 times ok...) 1 second later, I looked at my friend and burst out laughing. -> LMAO. I bet the nurse was O.o"

Nurse: roll up your sleeve
Me: ...
Nurse: Breathe in
Me: *inhales*
Nurse: *stabs needle in*
Me: *waits for the fluids to flow in but feels nothing*
Nurse: *takes needle out*
Me: Huh? so fast uh?
Nurse: Ya, we're done with the flu vaccine, next is the typhoid and it'll hurt a little more
Me: ...
Nurse: *stabs second needle in and squeeze yellow liquid in*
Me: Ow
Nurse: Alrights! Your nightmare's over, it's done
Me: *mumbles* what nightmare, I wasn't that scared ok
Me: *turns to look at fren* LMAO

Yea why I laughed was because throughout the whole waiting period, he kept on going abt wanting to be poked in the butt instead of the arms, and a lot more jokes abt it. Of cause he wasnt gonna do that but when the real thing came, he got a middle-aged male nurse and... yea, it's jus plain hilarious.

Random smiles

(Miss Fong was suggesting we share toiletries to reduce overall luggage weight)

Miss Fong: So maybe you people can break up into groups and check out with each other what you guys might be bringing and then like maybe one of you can bring a big bottle of shampoo and soap to share, or things like toothbrush...

Did she just said TOOTHBRUSH?!?!

Miss Fong: ...oh I meant toothpaste sorry



Together, we'll paint rainbows on the sky~

Labels: ,


Creative Minds
Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Hey yo, Creative Psy is due today!

My group went first because i had to rush off for a YEP project later. Was nervous like shitz. 2 videos and a quick ppt, with a fussy professional psychologist as a teacher. (Note: professional refers to psychologist, not teacher)

I started off the tech stuff 5 minutes early to test the audio. Lol, stupid windows media player was like trying to be cheeky or something. Either it played without me starting it or it was playing another video. The videos played I think 3 or 4 times? Hope fully Fred didn't mind.

Yea so we started off with the skit video. Hey, wasn't so bad after all. The class actually laughed a few times. Maybe I was too judgmental? My documentary up next. Pretty solemn, didnt really garner much I guess. Hopefully at least they were intrigued by the illusions.

OHOHOH HEY, THE AWARENESS TEST VID WAS SUPER COOL.

Vid: "How many pasess does the team in white make?"
*Vid plays*
Vid: "Did you count 13?"
Sarah, Vic: YES I COUNTED ALL 13 WOOHOO!!!
Vid: "But, did you see the moonwalking bear?"
Vic: OMG WHAT MOONWALKING BEAR. WHERE GOT?
*Vid replays*
*guy in bear suit strides/moonwalks across scene*
Class laughs

=D yaaaaay. Although i bet Fred didnt care a hoot about that.

So yea, I gotta miss out the rest of the class' performances =/ Especially looking forward to 6Bores stuff. oh wells =/

But hey, YEP proj wasn't that too bad. (trying to console myself...) At least I got to gain more experience working with mentally disabled kids again. It was fun and a ity bity more bonding time with the YEP team. ALTHOUGH I LOVE MY CLASS MORE!

One thing that was hitched unto my mind was that, despite being mentally disabled, autistic, low IQ, whatsoever, the group that i worked with, the kids, they actually looked out for each other. They would call our for the one left behind, hold each other hands to keep the group together.

What about we as a society? Do we look out for ourselves? or even if not, do we look out for ourselves first? If mentally disabled kids are taught and able to live as such, what about we able-minded people?





WHAT THE OMG
TIM TOLD ME I MISSED OUT A HECK LOTS OF FUN TODAY!!! FELLOW CLASS PRESENTATIONS, CLASS OUTING, 6BORES, WAT THE HECK DAM. LSEG.

Labels: , ,


Grace
Thursday, July 30, 2009

Stayed up through the night just to finish CATS. Our final proposal the next morning was horrible and unfinished.

our group got to go last cause of something benefits (MUAHAHAX) which is omgishly great cause we would jus die if we went up like that. Not to mention, we had another week to do up everything nicely =)

Slept in the library for abt 2 hrs only to wake up to a big puddle of mucus each time -.-
My nose is like a waterfall. -___-" *sniff*

*sniff* Y.E.P. camp at 6.00. Hope its gonna be good. =/ *sniff*

Sick with a hoarse voice and a nose running so fast my hand cant keep up with it.

zzz, I'm sniffing every few seconds; of around 5 secs or less intervals for the past few hours

Rock climbing was dam good. I actually climbed over an inclined bouldering wall. woots.

Too sick to blog properly

---

Random Smiles

Sarah C. : "Darren says the darnest things sometimes" - 28/7

Yvette H. : "bubububububu" - 24/7

Asleigh C. : "Hey I arent any better than you ok."
Darren P. :"Yes you are, you got a C, I got a D+" - 29/7

Darren P. : "It's a CREATIVE proj, not some MORE-INTERACTIVE-THAN-FRED'S-CLASS proj you arrogant prick" - 30/7

Irwin S. : "I am a chicken" - 27/9

Darren: "Wait wait wait, what did you say your first impression was again?"
Sarah: "Nerd. Because of the adjective you used" - 29/7

Labels: ,


Mesmerizing gaze
Friday, May 15, 2009

ARGHHHH I'm gonna die for my Sociology essay. I know I'm a goner.

So after having one whole week of my life dedicated to sociology, I now have my 3 major projects to complete in 2 weeks. 3 cheers for never ending work.

This would be the worse thing to happen ever in PCS. The psychology teacher is leaving us. She's moving on to sports council, (SSC) I forgot what was the first "S". Its such a pity man. She's like the best ever among our lecturers. Sadzzz. She's got a wonderful oppoturnity to pursue her dreams in developing the field of sports psychology in Singapore. We'll miss her. Boy oh boy, I wonder who's gonna be our replacement teacher. Later kena another crappy lecturer.

Finally, after 3 weeks I can get to climb the rock wall. Harder than I expected it to be. Mainly, my hands can hold on. Its more like my "phat" shoes cant grip on the small rocks and I keep slipping.

Omg I left my shoebag in CATS class. Super diaoz sia... I at Dover MRT then recieved a call from the lecturer asking whether any of us left a shoebag behind. O.O" "WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHOEBAG?!"

Crap sia, i shud have took a train to clementi since I was in the station already. Wait at the bus stop. Wait... Wait... Wait... OMG, when will the stupid bus arrive?? This is why I hate buses. They are so unpredictable unlike trains. And they take forever to come, and you'll be waiting aimlessly for it to come. Sianz.. ended up wasting 2 ~ 3 bucks of Ezlink money + 1 hr waiting for buses to come.

There's a YEP for HMS students. YEP -> Youth Expedition Programme. We'll be visiting 2 preschools and an orphanage in Vietnam. OMG OMG OMG. I totally wanna go and its only limited to 30 ppl only. That's an awfully small chance. And there's sure to be lots of competition from ECH. The slots available not even enough to accomodate them, how would it even be able to do for HMS.

Lastly, I gonna take a bold step of faith by going for a special course that will hopefully fix my mental block thats preventing me from being to my fullest potential. =) God bless me.

Labels: