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Impetus
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Now I finally realize the impetus my selfishness have caused. And I'm ashamed at myself. The damage I've caused you. The broken promises, the hope I gave but never fulfilled. I'm sorry.Right not, I probably cant feel any more a bastard than ever. Here I am, crying and complaining about my hurts, and there, I've forgotten about you, your pain. I got so involved in seeking things for myself, I made so many wrong mistakes, neglect, selfishness, complacency. And all that I am now, I'm ashamed. I wished you told me earlier. I wished I know what goes on in your mind. I wished you knew why too though... Things weren't easy for me either. Going for you, was one of most joyous, yet most painful journey. Getting to you was never easy, having my own burdens to bear. You hardly ever express yourself, leaving me to second-guess everyday, vigilantly worrying about having to make the right moves. Having to struggle with rejection and value being my biggest stronghold, added on with what I constantly faced with you, each time you pushed me away without giving me any knowledge of my worth. It has been a long time you know, and I've been really tired. I've grown weary with this prolonged treatment. I loved you, I've always do. Ultimately choosing to put aside much of myself for you. Perhaps it wasn't enough. But really, I wished you knew, little as it is, I always gave you my best.But for now, its time, after so long, that I'd put myself aside for you. Just forget myself, and go all out. Why bother with all these selfish needs when its merely temporal. I wish I could go back in time to undo all my mistakes. Things I shouldn't have done, words I shouldn't have said, moments I shouldn't have neglect. I wished I held you closer, loved you more, made you happier. All these are my fault, and I'm grateful there's still a chance to re-compensate. Qi, I'm sorry I've been such a jerk, causing you so much pain. Please give me another chance. I'll love you as much as I can as best as I can, I'm not sure how long I can hold out without any input. And qi, dont go. I don't ever want you to leave. If best I hope you never will. I'll try letting go of myself first. If I can do it successfully, you'll never have to feel these pain ever again. I'll try ok, I'll try. Labels: heart, Me, qq, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Impetus
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Now I finally realize the impetus my selfishness have caused. And I'm ashamed at myself. The damage I've caused you. The broken promises, the hope I gave but never fulfilled. I'm sorry.Right not, I probably cant feel any more a bastard than ever. Here I am, crying and complaining about my hurts, and there, I've forgotten about you, your pain. I got so involved in seeking things for myself, I made so many wrong mistakes, neglect, selfishness, complacency. And all that I am now, I'm ashamed. I wished you told me earlier. I wished I know what goes on in your mind. I wished you knew why too though... Things weren't easy for me either. Going for you, was one of most joyous, yet most painful journey. Getting to you was never easy, having my own burdens to bear. You hardly ever express yourself, leaving me to second-guess everyday, vigilantly worrying about having to make the right moves. Having to struggle with rejection and value being my biggest stronghold, added on with what I constantly faced with you, each time you pushed me away without giving me any knowledge of my worth. It has been a long time you know, and I've been really tired. I've grown weary with this prolonged treatment. I loved you, I've always do. Ultimately choosing to put aside much of myself for you. Perhaps it wasn't enough. But really, I wished you knew, little as it is, I always gave you my best.But for now, its time, after so long, that I'd put myself aside for you. Just forget myself, and go all out. Why bother with all these selfish needs when its merely temporal. I wish I could go back in time to undo all my mistakes. Things I shouldn't have done, words I shouldn't have said, moments I shouldn't have neglect. I wished I held you closer, loved you more, made you happier. All these are my fault, and I'm grateful there's still a chance to re-compensate. Qi, I'm sorry I've been such a jerk, causing you so much pain. Please give me another chance. I'll love you as much as I can as best as I can, I'm not sure how long I can hold out without any input. And qi, dont go. I don't ever want you to leave. If best I hope you never will. I'll try letting go of myself first. If I can do it successfully, you'll never have to feel these pain ever again. I'll try ok, I'll try. Labels: heart, Me, qq, thoughts
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