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Never Been So Dangerously Close
Friday, December 10, 2010

Well. Heh, so must has happened in a week and I've barely much time to write it all down. think I prolly just skip things.

To start it off, I think pertaining to my previous post. Heh, went thru Sunday, and was learning about how impossible one is to perfection, and we're barely near a single mark of it. And everything is imperfect in its way of having done nothing but by and through the grace of God ._. Sometimes we overate ourselves way too much. thinking what we do is solely by our credit. There's so much focus on myself, it's about me being like this, me doing that, and bla bla bla. .__. Self-centeredness. But heh, as much as I'm just me, still gotta fight against the 'flesh' to do what's necessary. Beyond what's within me. And then, I'll know it's not by my own strength.

Did something pretty freaky last nite. Actually said a whole lot of stuff I wished I didn't had to, but heh, stupid truth. Makes me do silly things I don't like to. But woah, I said a whole lot of stuff, and hopefully brought myself to a new level within but yea. hope it does good for you and me ._. Thanks for your sharing as well, and giving me that moment to be in.

Ha, probably gonna put a small part just for him but lolz. I'm still glad to have you in my life. I'm grateful for every single day I'm with you, and whenever I think of you lol. I'm like some stupid dude that's in love with my best friend, because he's the best thing that I'll ever have. And yea, I love & like him so. Lol. He's beyond awesome. lololol. Love you for being my friend, the best and awesomest one ever. ^^

Gonna be off to Cambodia for the week starting Monday. Zx says I might be coming back different lol, not sure but heh, at least it'll mean it's something impactful =P Just hope I don't become suckier.

Pretty good, I quite like that each night when I reflect on the day, I'm proud of myself to know that I've at least done one thing good for the day. Not to boast, but yea =) Hope I can continue to keep it up. 365 days = 365 blessings. How cool is that? =D

Anyway. Now that things are this way, it's gonna be a new struggle for me each day. Constantly bombarded by it. Each day I am hounded by the infinite possibilities, the devious fantasies and all that wild imagination. Those thoughts, growing stronger by the days, burning away at my resolve. The allure of it, so easily taken in, now only held back by moral fears. I am, this close, to falling off my sanity to this matter. All it takes is a single sentence. One short phrase, and I'll get everything, but how good it really is, both for me and that, I have my doubts. I cant believe how close I am to falling off this. Should I fight it out, or just succumb to it? I've lost my moral reasoning in this. Overwhelmed by the bulk of emotions, engulfing my heart and mind. Is it really possible? All these selfish desires right before my hands. It only requires me to do just a simple thing, and it'll all be changed. I've never been so dratting dangerously close to facing such matters before.

I'm afraid.

. I might fail
. I'm too selfish
. I can't do it right
. it's wrong
. it'll open a side of me I don't need to
. I'll fall deeper into it
. I'll abuse you
. it's a dream come true
. I do more harm
. I'll be breaking my own morals
. lose my self


Owells, at least to make things better, I found my Christmas wish hahaha =P

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