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Three's a Crowd
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Was gonna post up the different things I've learnt but somehow this had to come it first.Ever since back from the camp, I've been facing a new set of troubles in life. Social relations.Feeling dam overwhelmed by the people around me. Maybe its the facade of my "sociable and friendly" side of people expecting me to talk or something, cause seriously I have no friggin idea. So dam tired of trying to keep up with all these relations I feel like going into hiding for a moment.Just to let everyone know, I am not a sociable fellow. As much as times where I may seem I am. I do things in a very impersonal way, and I'm not sure if the people around me feels like subtle coldness, I hope you do, so that you can understand the way I function.As next, is that for the social compartment in my head where everyone stores their friends and stuff, I only have a working capacity for really at most 1-2 people at one current point of time. Meaning, I can only keep up two quality conversation over msn, or focus on a single relationship (maintaining/building) in the present. Which is why I tend to "jump" friendships. When I make a new friend, I appear to leave all my friends to go mix with that person, and then after awhile I "jump" backDear friends, I've just been back from a camp which has drained much of me, having to constantly step up of my comfort zone and lead people around me. As well and with the new objective I am aiming to overcome in my life, it's taking a heck lot of mental strength.All I ask for all of you, is to understand the way I work, you don't need to know my full history, but all I require is for you all to understand of my quite low social capacity and my tendency to be overloaded. Please I ask of you all, to not pressurize me, into having to live up to expectations, expectations of having to live up as a friend. I'm trying my utmost best, balancing between all the current relations in my circle and the new ones that are coming my way in due time not to mention to recover from the fatigue.I'm tired of having to constantly live up to an ideal that is not me. Having to answer every call, every message, having to put up a strong front of being a friend. I really just want to be real to myself, and I don't wish to see myself as someone who is a sucky shitty friend that fails everyone, I know I have my limitations, but I'm learning along the way.Even in communication, it burns a part of my emotions and energy in every response I give. I put great effort into every thought and reply because I don't like the idea of simply answering for the sake of answering and that burns me waaaay more out. But the thing is, I'm willing to return this part of me in effort for the things you people have done for me.Please don't get me wrong here, I say all this out is for people to know me better, not to say anyone is a burden or what, which I forsee many people probably gonna think that way. If I choose not to emo(negative thinking) over this matters, you people have no reason to as well. It certainly brings me great joy whenever I can be there for a friend, or that a friend decides to share their time with me. But I sincerely ask of you all to not place your expectations on me? Expectations often only lead to disappointment. To be honest, each time I see a friend disappointed by the way I am, of how I may inadvertly fail to fulfill some requirements or personal needs of others, it breaks my heart terribly. It takes something as simple as, "you always ignore me" for me to go completely emo. You have no idea sometimes, the little things you guys do that puts me down (despite feeling you're not expecting anything from me but face it, we all have expectations, and I feel them).
But I'm choosing not to be emo and to face up to things so I hope none of you all would lead to negative thoughts either (like withholding your negative feelings towards me. I know you all care, but I'm stronger then that. And I cherish the your truth more than you trying to forget things and be nice to me.Tim, Zx, DX, HQ, QY, and as well as to those I have lost my focus on, I ask of you all to please pardon me for my poor friendship and relating skills, of the times I've neglected you, or made you feel used, took you for granted, and times I failed to be there for you. I may not be the best friend or sorts, but I really treasure you all in mind as best that I can. Thank you for being there for me and being my friend despite having to endure the nonreciprocal affects. To the friends I have sadly forgotten, (yea you bestacq) truthfully, you may not be in my very mind at this present time, but I really want to let you all know that everything you people have done to me, both the good and the bad, the known and unknown, the recognized and unseen, I wanna thank you all for investing that bit of your time and life into mine, because I will never be who I am if not for you all. Sounds cliche yea, but I truly believe in the power of every little action and the difference they make.To all friends in the past, present and future, I'm sorry for the disappointments I've caused, and I seek your understanding to accept me for who I am, my flaws and failures, and that I'll work hard to improve myself more;
...to be a better friend. Labels: frenz, heart, Me, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Three's a Crowd
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Was gonna post up the different things I've learnt but somehow this had to come it first.Ever since back from the camp, I've been facing a new set of troubles in life. Social relations.Feeling dam overwhelmed by the people around me. Maybe its the facade of my "sociable and friendly" side of people expecting me to talk or something, cause seriously I have no friggin idea. So dam tired of trying to keep up with all these relations I feel like going into hiding for a moment.Just to let everyone know, I am not a sociable fellow. As much as times where I may seem I am. I do things in a very impersonal way, and I'm not sure if the people around me feels like subtle coldness, I hope you do, so that you can understand the way I function.As next, is that for the social compartment in my head where everyone stores their friends and stuff, I only have a working capacity for really at most 1-2 people at one current point of time. Meaning, I can only keep up two quality conversation over msn, or focus on a single relationship (maintaining/building) in the present. Which is why I tend to "jump" friendships. When I make a new friend, I appear to leave all my friends to go mix with that person, and then after awhile I "jump" backDear friends, I've just been back from a camp which has drained much of me, having to constantly step up of my comfort zone and lead people around me. As well and with the new objective I am aiming to overcome in my life, it's taking a heck lot of mental strength.All I ask for all of you, is to understand the way I work, you don't need to know my full history, but all I require is for you all to understand of my quite low social capacity and my tendency to be overloaded. Please I ask of you all, to not pressurize me, into having to live up to expectations, expectations of having to live up as a friend. I'm trying my utmost best, balancing between all the current relations in my circle and the new ones that are coming my way in due time not to mention to recover from the fatigue.I'm tired of having to constantly live up to an ideal that is not me. Having to answer every call, every message, having to put up a strong front of being a friend. I really just want to be real to myself, and I don't wish to see myself as someone who is a sucky shitty friend that fails everyone, I know I have my limitations, but I'm learning along the way.Even in communication, it burns a part of my emotions and energy in every response I give. I put great effort into every thought and reply because I don't like the idea of simply answering for the sake of answering and that burns me waaaay more out. But the thing is, I'm willing to return this part of me in effort for the things you people have done for me.Please don't get me wrong here, I say all this out is for people to know me better, not to say anyone is a burden or what, which I forsee many people probably gonna think that way. If I choose not to emo(negative thinking) over this matters, you people have no reason to as well. It certainly brings me great joy whenever I can be there for a friend, or that a friend decides to share their time with me. But I sincerely ask of you all to not place your expectations on me? Expectations often only lead to disappointment. To be honest, each time I see a friend disappointed by the way I am, of how I may inadvertly fail to fulfill some requirements or personal needs of others, it breaks my heart terribly. It takes something as simple as, "you always ignore me" for me to go completely emo. You have no idea sometimes, the little things you guys do that puts me down (despite feeling you're not expecting anything from me but face it, we all have expectations, and I feel them).
But I'm choosing not to be emo and to face up to things so I hope none of you all would lead to negative thoughts either (like withholding your negative feelings towards me. I know you all care, but I'm stronger then that. And I cherish the your truth more than you trying to forget things and be nice to me.Tim, Zx, DX, HQ, QY, and as well as to those I have lost my focus on, I ask of you all to please pardon me for my poor friendship and relating skills, of the times I've neglected you, or made you feel used, took you for granted, and times I failed to be there for you. I may not be the best friend or sorts, but I really treasure you all in mind as best that I can. Thank you for being there for me and being my friend despite having to endure the nonreciprocal affects. To the friends I have sadly forgotten, (yea you bestacq) truthfully, you may not be in my very mind at this present time, but I really want to let you all know that everything you people have done to me, both the good and the bad, the known and unknown, the recognized and unseen, I wanna thank you all for investing that bit of your time and life into mine, because I will never be who I am if not for you all. Sounds cliche yea, but I truly believe in the power of every little action and the difference they make.To all friends in the past, present and future, I'm sorry for the disappointments I've caused, and I seek your understanding to accept me for who I am, my flaws and failures, and that I'll work hard to improve myself more;
...to be a better friend. Labels: frenz, heart, Me, thoughts
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