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In Your Arms I Rest
Thursday, August 26, 2010
I'm so tired of being the good guy, trying to be brave and face up to the weaknesses of my own, the challenges I face, and well topping it off with random stuff that hopefully might bless others. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of not letting everything overcome me. I really don't know why at such a time like this, a period that spares no time, does everything have to come out.
I think life would be so much easier, if I lived it the way the cowards lived. Forever, for the avoidance of issues in life, they deny themselves the proper dignity of being human, and escape into a fantasy made world. Why does bad things always seem so appealing.
For now I wish I can lay down everything, forget everything, and just live an ordinary life. I'm burdened by all these unseen things around me, and I'm tired of fighting on my own. I wanna drop everything and receive for once. To have what I want. To live a dream, to fulfill a fantasy. I wish... I had you by my side.
I wish at moments like these, I had someone to fall back to. Someone to just hold me and tell me everything's gonna be alright. But hey, everyone's in need of such a panacea, and there's only one soul that can be there when another is. Who's to say that I should get a share. My cup, is that much that desires and maybe, that I have deprived myself so.
But these fantasies, this little acts that I so desperately desire, that immense longing inside, there can never come to pass by the boundaries of society. Not unless I abandon all that I have, and throw myself into a acidic pool of moral wrongdoing, one that possibly fills my heart, but at the expense of my soul, and certainly another through such selfish means.
I know, I shouldn't look to such a source. I know I should be looking to that which is far greater and above all else. But yet there is this physical longing that can never be fulfilled through you without me losing my focus unto another. Is this something you can never satisfy for me. Why does this bond with you have to be sought in such difficult measures? Why must the flesh be of such weakness that it takes a daily effort just to keep in line?
I am so tired of searching, I'm so tired of waiting, I'd wish I could just close my eyes and fall. And when I wake up, I in your presence. I don't need things to be fine and perfect, I just need you. Is it ever possible that, you would somehow find your way to me. I'm at the edge of my internal sanity, and must I really be the one to make the move? Am I ineligible for a hero's grace to be rescued? Why is it that I cant have anybody there for me the way I need it
I don't need you to ask me if I'm ok. I don't you need you to be worried. I just need someone, whom through all my unspoken desires and offer me these simple yet implausible little acts of love, which my heart so greatly burns for, that I can have my grace, that I can never lack again. Someone who doesn't have to give, for it's not the giving that counts because I have no intention to take away something I lack from anyone. The most fair way would be that out of that heart, it naturally comes forth.
But I don't think I'll ever have such a chance. A fortunate and miraculous event that brings me to you, my angel who redeems the debts owed. I don't even think such a being exist outside an entirely figment of imagination and fictional fantasy my heart conceives.
All these coldness is covering me. All these weakness it creeping up. In the state of limbo my heart is slowly slowly fading off into a reality that in individual self belief of non-existence. I can only keep saying I wish, I wish, I wish. Reality taunts me in my face by it's sheer effect of human bonds of how much its exists. It dangles this cake in front to make this excruciating hurt tear more than it ever could. Unless it has all been a lie, which I have hopelessly believed in.
My eyes are closing soon, sadly not in belief in the security but from the fatigue accumulated in this muscles. I am so tired, I have no point in hoping that such a thing as this even would befall me. My hope is diminishing. I know you'll never come.
So I'm gonna take this step alone. Alone.
Labels: EMO, frenz, God, heart, Me
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
In Your Arms I Rest
Thursday, August 26, 2010
I'm so tired of being the good guy, trying to be brave and face up to the weaknesses of my own, the challenges I face, and well topping it off with random stuff that hopefully might bless others. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of not letting everything overcome me. I really don't know why at such a time like this, a period that spares no time, does everything have to come out.
I think life would be so much easier, if I lived it the way the cowards lived. Forever, for the avoidance of issues in life, they deny themselves the proper dignity of being human, and escape into a fantasy made world. Why does bad things always seem so appealing.
For now I wish I can lay down everything, forget everything, and just live an ordinary life. I'm burdened by all these unseen things around me, and I'm tired of fighting on my own. I wanna drop everything and receive for once. To have what I want. To live a dream, to fulfill a fantasy. I wish... I had you by my side.
I wish at moments like these, I had someone to fall back to. Someone to just hold me and tell me everything's gonna be alright. But hey, everyone's in need of such a panacea, and there's only one soul that can be there when another is. Who's to say that I should get a share. My cup, is that much that desires and maybe, that I have deprived myself so.
But these fantasies, this little acts that I so desperately desire, that immense longing inside, there can never come to pass by the boundaries of society. Not unless I abandon all that I have, and throw myself into a acidic pool of moral wrongdoing, one that possibly fills my heart, but at the expense of my soul, and certainly another through such selfish means.
I know, I shouldn't look to such a source. I know I should be looking to that which is far greater and above all else. But yet there is this physical longing that can never be fulfilled through you without me losing my focus unto another. Is this something you can never satisfy for me. Why does this bond with you have to be sought in such difficult measures? Why must the flesh be of such weakness that it takes a daily effort just to keep in line?
I am so tired of searching, I'm so tired of waiting, I'd wish I could just close my eyes and fall. And when I wake up, I in your presence. I don't need things to be fine and perfect, I just need you. Is it ever possible that, you would somehow find your way to me. I'm at the edge of my internal sanity, and must I really be the one to make the move? Am I ineligible for a hero's grace to be rescued? Why is it that I cant have anybody there for me the way I need it
I don't need you to ask me if I'm ok. I don't you need you to be worried. I just need someone, whom through all my unspoken desires and offer me these simple yet implausible little acts of love, which my heart so greatly burns for, that I can have my grace, that I can never lack again. Someone who doesn't have to give, for it's not the giving that counts because I have no intention to take away something I lack from anyone. The most fair way would be that out of that heart, it naturally comes forth.
But I don't think I'll ever have such a chance. A fortunate and miraculous event that brings me to you, my angel who redeems the debts owed. I don't even think such a being exist outside an entirely figment of imagination and fictional fantasy my heart conceives.
All these coldness is covering me. All these weakness it creeping up. In the state of limbo my heart is slowly slowly fading off into a reality that in individual self belief of non-existence. I can only keep saying I wish, I wish, I wish. Reality taunts me in my face by it's sheer effect of human bonds of how much its exists. It dangles this cake in front to make this excruciating hurt tear more than it ever could. Unless it has all been a lie, which I have hopelessly believed in.
My eyes are closing soon, sadly not in belief in the security but from the fatigue accumulated in this muscles. I am so tired, I have no point in hoping that such a thing as this even would befall me. My hope is diminishing. I know you'll never come.
So I'm gonna take this step alone. Alone.
Labels: EMO, frenz, God, heart, Me
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