If there's one thing personal I could take back from yesterday's conversation, it would be freedom. Freedom from your thoughts of me. But, yesterday, all I saw was that you couldn't accept me. You said you wanted to know me, yet in my realness, both good and bad, you couldn't accept the flaws and cracks. You couldn't accept that part of me, the inner depths of who I really am behind all the good.

I've always had the dilemma whether it was me being hard to accept, or you not accepting me. Because I respected and valued you, I stuck to me being the issue. I didn't want badly of you, I wanted to uphold that image of a hero I thought you to be. And so I just took in everything you threw out at me; the truth, the lies. While the truth help me see my blindspots, the lies formed negative impressions of myself that you selfishly projected unto me.

 I feel really cheated. I feel stupid. I feel angry. I feel hatred. Towards you and myself. But at least now I can safely say the fault isn't entirely mine, that I'm not the sole bad person in every conflict. I hope to get over this negative feelings, so I won't be stiffened up by this hurts.

For myself, I'll hav to learn to forgive, to accept, and to let go. Mixed feelings towards you now. Dun think I'll show you that side of me anymore, seeing how distasteful it was for you. That'll be the best you can get from me, the good parts without the person I am. And the best I can personally give is I'm sorry, sorry I wasn't a good friend.

Labels: frenz, life, thoughts

If there's one thing personal I could take back from yesterday's conversation, it would be freedom. Freedom from your thoughts of me. But, yesterday, all I saw was that you couldn't accept me. You said you wanted to know me, yet in my realness, both good and bad, you couldn't accept the flaws and cracks. You couldn't accept that part of me, the inner depths of who I really am behind all the good.

I've always had the dilemma whether it was me being hard to accept, or you not accepting me. Because I respected and valued you, I stuck to me being the issue. I didn't want badly of you, I wanted to uphold that image of a hero I thought you to be. And so I just took in everything you threw out at me; the truth, the lies. While the truth help me see my blindspots, the lies formed negative impressions of myself that you selfishly projected unto me.

 I feel really cheated. I feel stupid. I feel angry. I feel hatred. Towards you and myself. But at least now I can safely say the fault isn't entirely mine, that I'm not the sole bad person in every conflict. I hope to get over this negative feelings, so I won't be stiffened up by this hurts.

For myself, I'll hav to learn to forgive, to accept, and to let go. Mixed feelings towards you now. Dun think I'll show you that side of me anymore, seeing how distasteful it was for you. That'll be the best you can get from me, the good parts without the person I am. And the best I can personally give is I'm sorry, sorry I wasn't a good friend.

Labels: frenz, life, thoughts