Shit =l

Something struck my mind about something you said. Was trying to find it out in our log when I stumbled into our old conversations. Before 2010. So much memories of the times when we were closer~ We were chatting so casually almost everyday. Friends, I miss us how we were back then

Jan 1

I was gonna ask the class to sing a birthday song for your birthday and you pleaded me not to. Shy I guess? haha xD And then you wanting to surprise me with a cake for mine (yet you asked me what cake flavour I would think is nice - lol fail surprise) And then I told you I wanted you to sing a birthday song for me, which you expectantly protested.

Looks like I finally got to hear it this year eh =) Beautiful~ ^^ I love the sound of it, the ring of your voice, that mixture of sincerity and bashfulness, a lovely tune that makes the heart melt. Thank you for the song. (Wowza, I waited 2 years for this eh ^^)

and as I scroll down, I'm reading the conversations when I felt down or discouraged. I'm seeing you encouraging me or trying to find ways to help me. And me in return encouraging you to be more positive. I love the tone we used to have last time. Felt like we were peers on equals.

Then came the letter. 15 Jan 2010. A day after my birthday when I first left you. Been lost in the sad world for so long, I decided to leave everything behind to pursue bigger things to make my life more meaningful. Wanted to break out of it, and I wanted to bring you along, though you preferred to stay. Sadly, me being me then, I didn't have the courage to tell you, even lying when you asked if the letter referred to you.

That was the changing point for me and you I guess? From there we spoke lesser, that closeness and casual interactions slowly became more sadness behind smiles. We've moved apart ever since. I've changed too, finally breaking out of that shell, and now I've done more and became someone I'd never see myself to be in the past. Once a sad lonely fearful and introverted person, and now, I'm standing in front of people, doing crazy things, teaching skills, imparting wisdom, from nothing, to a figure at the top. ha, Of course, fame isn't what I asked, just wanted to live my life to the fullest and see others do the same. You've changed too. haha.

I wonder if we could still ever be friends. I really really miss those times.


Edit:

I ended up staying up reading through the chats we had. and hm here's something you said which foreshadowed today.

Nov 2009

"Okay. You can go. But once you go, I'll really label you as a real friend ar. & if anything bad happen between us, I'll really hate you. Clear?!"

And then I responded telling you I was uncertain about how I've changed after YEP.

"Well, no need hide~ Show them to people you know won't mind then. Anyway, real friends will accept you for who you are"

Haha, as much as the commemoration of our official start as real friends and the joy that comes with it, it's heart piercing to see how we've become. Many of my mistakes and your response to them. But yet one little thing triggering those dumb tears... Real friends... That's what he told me too. Guess it I'm still too screwed up for even real friends to accept. I've failed you then.

My heart feels so heavy now. All these precious memories sinking in~

Labels: frenz, heart, memories, qq

Shit =l

Something struck my mind about something you said. Was trying to find it out in our log when I stumbled into our old conversations. Before 2010. So much memories of the times when we were closer~ We were chatting so casually almost everyday. Friends, I miss us how we were back then

Jan 1

I was gonna ask the class to sing a birthday song for your birthday and you pleaded me not to. Shy I guess? haha xD And then you wanting to surprise me with a cake for mine (yet you asked me what cake flavour I would think is nice - lol fail surprise) And then I told you I wanted you to sing a birthday song for me, which you expectantly protested.

Looks like I finally got to hear it this year eh =) Beautiful~ ^^ I love the sound of it, the ring of your voice, that mixture of sincerity and bashfulness, a lovely tune that makes the heart melt. Thank you for the song. (Wowza, I waited 2 years for this eh ^^)

and as I scroll down, I'm reading the conversations when I felt down or discouraged. I'm seeing you encouraging me or trying to find ways to help me. And me in return encouraging you to be more positive. I love the tone we used to have last time. Felt like we were peers on equals.

Then came the letter. 15 Jan 2010. A day after my birthday when I first left you. Been lost in the sad world for so long, I decided to leave everything behind to pursue bigger things to make my life more meaningful. Wanted to break out of it, and I wanted to bring you along, though you preferred to stay. Sadly, me being me then, I didn't have the courage to tell you, even lying when you asked if the letter referred to you.

That was the changing point for me and you I guess? From there we spoke lesser, that closeness and casual interactions slowly became more sadness behind smiles. We've moved apart ever since. I've changed too, finally breaking out of that shell, and now I've done more and became someone I'd never see myself to be in the past. Once a sad lonely fearful and introverted person, and now, I'm standing in front of people, doing crazy things, teaching skills, imparting wisdom, from nothing, to a figure at the top. ha, Of course, fame isn't what I asked, just wanted to live my life to the fullest and see others do the same. You've changed too. haha.

I wonder if we could still ever be friends. I really really miss those times.


Edit:

I ended up staying up reading through the chats we had. and hm here's something you said which foreshadowed today.

Nov 2009

"Okay. You can go. But once you go, I'll really label you as a real friend ar. & if anything bad happen between us, I'll really hate you. Clear?!"

And then I responded telling you I was uncertain about how I've changed after YEP.

"Well, no need hide~ Show them to people you know won't mind then. Anyway, real friends will accept you for who you are"

Haha, as much as the commemoration of our official start as real friends and the joy that comes with it, it's heart piercing to see how we've become. Many of my mistakes and your response to them. But yet one little thing triggering those dumb tears... Real friends... That's what he told me too. Guess it I'm still too screwed up for even real friends to accept. I've failed you then.

My heart feels so heavy now. All these precious memories sinking in~

Labels: frenz, heart, memories, qq