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Life isn't always fair;
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
If I hold on, I hurt. If I let go, I lose; you.I dont know what's right and wrong anymore. Should I keep fighting for you, persevering against all those lies or should I let go and have faith that things can still go on without me.The damage is mounting, scarring me deeper than ever. That portion of my heart is atrophying, and sometimes I rather you deal me the mercy blow and end this one for all. I cannot understand the nobility of the actions you claim, having only experience immense pain each time. My mind is at a great loss, a deprived state of understanding of how, you'd chose mercilessness than to heal my pain. My first true developed love for another person in my life, and I guess it will be my last. It'll take a miracle, or for someone else to pursue me through my own defenses and into my abyss to catch me, but I doubt it will ever happen.There's much to be grateful for. Having to know love, and the privilege of being one that would pursue almost endlessly; something I thought was never possible in this world. But of course, even heroes have to make sacrifices, and I guess mine's part of my heart.They say the process is more important than the results. Maybe having failed all these, the process still made me someone better albeit against my desires of the end product. The pain and agony, searing negative thoughts into my brain. Everyday, I wonder foolishly whether, you'll fight for me like how I've fought for you. After all that I've done, would you lay aside your things and come for me when I need you. I know it shouldn't be the main focus, but my human heart cannot take another level of abandonment. Something which I have an assumption you didn't care less about.Enough of all those complaints and aimless thoughts, having played through my mind long enough for you to take heed of. Now comes the choice, do I still hold on, or let go? If I let you go, allowing your path, how good would it be? Will you leave happy? Will I move on well? Will it be my fault if I stop fighting for you? Will I ever find a closure to that void in me?Sometimes, maybe you dont understand, but I have already a plan to let go of you, for you to go your way. Just not so early. I wanna be able to spend and appreciate the most of my moments with you. But nah, you keep pushing me away, controlled by your fears, tearing me down each time.You said I'm someone precious. Someone you are thankful for. Yet I cannot understand how and why you would treat me this way. Sometimes, I feel like pitting my own death to avenge yours, but that would do any good would it? If you harden your heart, then my death would be a pitiful waste.I've fought hard over these 2 years. It amazes how you care yet not care for me. Thankfully, it's always til the final second before impact do you come swooping in like an angel to rescue me; but only to place me back on top of mountain peak. Sure you could keep doing that but who's gonna be the one after you leave?If there be some consciousness of humanity in you, then I beseech you to hear me out. The greatest pain I've suffered over these years will not be when you leave me, but when the accumulated undue stress you've put me through all this games. If all your actions is on the reasoning of hurt, then let me tell you, you're causing what you're trying to prevent. Fears, never lead you to the right path. But, with the benefit of doubt that there's other reasons, then well, do as you deem fit... Just treat my hurts as collateral damage.
Just to let you know, I'm letting go of you. It doesnt mean I'm giving up on you, it only means that as much as I love you, I'm giving you the freedom to choose what you want. If you value this friendship, and everything that still exists before the deadline, I'll be here. But if you choose that its fine with you to disregard us for more important issues, then I painfully give you my blessings to go.Having said so much, the conclusion is not my to create. I'm only a pathetic mortal, under the score of divine destiny, riddled with temporal challenges to an eternal future.From the line from the creation of this blog til now, whose origins I cant rmb how,"Let go and believe"
Labels: EMO, qq, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Life isn't always fair;
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
If I hold on, I hurt. If I let go, I lose; you.I dont know what's right and wrong anymore. Should I keep fighting for you, persevering against all those lies or should I let go and have faith that things can still go on without me.The damage is mounting, scarring me deeper than ever. That portion of my heart is atrophying, and sometimes I rather you deal me the mercy blow and end this one for all. I cannot understand the nobility of the actions you claim, having only experience immense pain each time. My mind is at a great loss, a deprived state of understanding of how, you'd chose mercilessness than to heal my pain. My first true developed love for another person in my life, and I guess it will be my last. It'll take a miracle, or for someone else to pursue me through my own defenses and into my abyss to catch me, but I doubt it will ever happen.There's much to be grateful for. Having to know love, and the privilege of being one that would pursue almost endlessly; something I thought was never possible in this world. But of course, even heroes have to make sacrifices, and I guess mine's part of my heart.They say the process is more important than the results. Maybe having failed all these, the process still made me someone better albeit against my desires of the end product. The pain and agony, searing negative thoughts into my brain. Everyday, I wonder foolishly whether, you'll fight for me like how I've fought for you. After all that I've done, would you lay aside your things and come for me when I need you. I know it shouldn't be the main focus, but my human heart cannot take another level of abandonment. Something which I have an assumption you didn't care less about.Enough of all those complaints and aimless thoughts, having played through my mind long enough for you to take heed of. Now comes the choice, do I still hold on, or let go? If I let you go, allowing your path, how good would it be? Will you leave happy? Will I move on well? Will it be my fault if I stop fighting for you? Will I ever find a closure to that void in me?Sometimes, maybe you dont understand, but I have already a plan to let go of you, for you to go your way. Just not so early. I wanna be able to spend and appreciate the most of my moments with you. But nah, you keep pushing me away, controlled by your fears, tearing me down each time.You said I'm someone precious. Someone you are thankful for. Yet I cannot understand how and why you would treat me this way. Sometimes, I feel like pitting my own death to avenge yours, but that would do any good would it? If you harden your heart, then my death would be a pitiful waste.I've fought hard over these 2 years. It amazes how you care yet not care for me. Thankfully, it's always til the final second before impact do you come swooping in like an angel to rescue me; but only to place me back on top of mountain peak. Sure you could keep doing that but who's gonna be the one after you leave?If there be some consciousness of humanity in you, then I beseech you to hear me out. The greatest pain I've suffered over these years will not be when you leave me, but when the accumulated undue stress you've put me through all this games. If all your actions is on the reasoning of hurt, then let me tell you, you're causing what you're trying to prevent. Fears, never lead you to the right path. But, with the benefit of doubt that there's other reasons, then well, do as you deem fit... Just treat my hurts as collateral damage.
Just to let you know, I'm letting go of you. It doesnt mean I'm giving up on you, it only means that as much as I love you, I'm giving you the freedom to choose what you want. If you value this friendship, and everything that still exists before the deadline, I'll be here. But if you choose that its fine with you to disregard us for more important issues, then I painfully give you my blessings to go.Having said so much, the conclusion is not my to create. I'm only a pathetic mortal, under the score of divine destiny, riddled with temporal challenges to an eternal future.From the line from the creation of this blog til now, whose origins I cant rmb how,"Let go and believe"
Labels: EMO, qq, thoughts
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