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Battle of The Self - Pt2
Friday, December 17, 2010

Continuing from Part 1...

Figured that since there's nothing being done after so long, I must as well moved on and do something. I decided instead to help someone for once, after all everyone's waiting for someone. so hence my path to be that blessing for someone with everyday of my life. Similarly and concurrently for myself, I picked up my shattered pieces and carried on.

Doing the right thing always costs, it ask for one to lose himself, but in the life that one loses he gains it. Much of my most enjoyable moments of true happiness comes from seeing the blessing in others, rather than the short-lived euphoria from getting a selfish gain. Love is meant for giving, not keeping.

Well this path gets lonely at times, having few people to share this faith and journey and even lesser that would walk this path with me. Long gone are the times I waited passively for someone to help and rescue me. Though sometimes, it gets tiring walking alone. Been fighting on my own and working alone, learning to grow up, pushed forward by the knowing of what's right, even if it costs. It's been long since I last felt helped by any other. Often it's a lone journey of just picking myself up whenever I fall, brushing my wounds and walking on. I've slowly forgotten what it feels like to be loved and supported by another.

However, Im so ever grateful that now I am blessed to have a companion to walk by my side. Keeping watch of me, inspiring me with his very own path of righteousness. I thank God really. I need a friend, one who is true, to do what's right for me, pulling me back on track, reminding me of the righteousness that I have lived for. On my other side sits another companion, deep in thought, someone who plays a part in furthering my thoughts, challenging my values, yet an opposer to my faith. One that reminds me of my own, and for me to bring back. I've come to realized, that I no longer feel that loneliness I once felt throughout my life.

 This brings me to another chapter of my goals as well. All these would not have been possible without God's grace. I often boast of it as my doing, my works, my credit, but I fail to see how far, a failure I am in comparison to anyone. Being selfless just 1 choice more doesnt put me in any place closer to perfection than others. I can only take comfort in my own effort in whatever choices that I made of what's right. Out of my consciousness of my growing pride, saying all this doesnt put me any higher above anyone. I am fully beset with problems of my own, some as great as everyone.

However it is in my struggles, that I am reminded of the fragility and weaknesses of human, and with my faith and personal relationship with God in focus, I persevere on. Same for the times, that I've felt alone, I was only as alone as I made myself to be, never seeing that support that carried me through, the wings that picked me up, and the voice that whispered to my heart. A personal faith in Him, that fails to express itself in words, knowing that all that I do, will be for a greater purposes, even if it cost. for the rewards are far greater, and incomparable to the suffering we will deem worthwhile, for the intangible, valuable gifts that will be bestowed unto us.

Its not just a pursuit of good deeds, but a deeper desire to love people with a genuine love as demonstrated by God's love for me, as so does He for everyone else, a unconditional, undeserving love.

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