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The Honoured Gift
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Today's been a pretty eventful day. Surprising, comforting, shocking, and stressed.Part 1 Let start it off slowly. Settled myself towards the whole hiclub thing. Its kinda like fire and refinement, burning away all the impurities and probably what I felt was God once again at work with my priorities. Well, as much as me emoing and all that shit, I'm stronger than that ba, just a grieving period before knowing my self and how somehow I'll still get back up. In the end, I got back what I wanted after surrendering it. Life sometimes is about priorities. God doesn't wanna take away what we love, our passion and all, but for us not to let it become our sole motivation and driving force.Part 2 Proceeded to MV afterwards. Woots, struggled with it man. Somehow couldn't bring myself to do it, despite promising Ivy I'll do better next time. Bleh, talk is cheap. Though I really wanted to do better. Kinda annoyed by all the random people around staring at me, not that i'm conscious but I just felt pretty annoyed, like heeey im already struggling with bringing myself to express and then got all these annoying buggers.Reached to a pretty stressed level, cause in the end, I didn't really do much, and kinda wasted the team's time. Stressed over that I had to do it, out of my responsibility to friends, wasn't something I would have just dropped if I wanted to. And in as much as I hated, struggled, and felt the inwards of me tearing apart, I felt no choice but to do it. Haha, then they keep saying to maybe cancel it, which naw. Kinda sucked though, especially that I couldn't do it well. And was fairly annoyed by the point that everyone else was just talking and yet no action shown to me. Felt sucky cos kinda pressured into everyone telling me to do it, yet no one showing/proving to me they can face this struggle too, and then being faulty and not being able to progress the MV. I just wanted you all to prove to me I'm not alone in this struggling cos I feel dam victimized, and that as long as you all show me you can do it too, I'll make myself to do it as well.Think not bad, maybe for once, or hardly, these peeps have seen my vulnerable side, of me wavering into despair, hope, in a loop. Frustration and constant whining, woots, you should see the way or the speed I talk when I'm stressed man, I talk faster than my brain even processes. But yea, thanks to everyone being so patient, as well for believing in me. Though I hate it, curse it, gonna kick its dam ass if I could, but BAAAAAAAAAAH owells, I'm too freaking bendable to resist lolz. Beginning to love you bunch anyway =P Can see the circle growing bigger, kinda cool =PPart 3
3rd part would be me actually expressing the hiclub issue to timothy. Was kinda apprehensive about it well, was kinda afraid he might emo if he couldn't do anything about it. Cheh, and then he say he wouldn't, and wont force me to say becos he knew that I'll be strong somehow to get up again. Lol, cool that you know me well, but walao, LOL just becos I strongish then you no need show concern is it =( Sad sia, hahaha jkjk. But yea, didn't really want things to change because my own selfish desire either.Also got to practiced the genuineness that I often talked about in friendships. Wa seriously, dam hard to do it man. Struggled again like siao, trying to mouth it, lol and then they said I look like a kid =.= But yea, finally said it out, thanks to zx facilitating as well, and finally clear much of the misconceptions, but haha, kinda nice. Overcoming the awkwardness and simplistic escapism to bring myself to the point of genuineness, (with all the observers lol so weird). Glad things took place too =)Ending
Thanks everyone for their concern, and even to the people who think I dunno =P But yups, I think it's nice that you all care about me, but after a certain point of time, you guys needa ensure I stop emoing. I acknowledge a period of grievance, but after it, one must move on. I'm amazed by my change and growth since a year back perhaps, emoing would set me back a few days, or weeks. But for now, my emo hardly last the next day. Besides, as friends, you gotta watch my back too =P if you catch me 2 days after my emo season, forget about worrying about me. I'm probably cool long before =P
Yea hahax, my new self concept, I'm invincible ^^ (at least without being chased by knife wielding gangs...) Or that I'm growing =) Labels: frenz, God, hi club, memories, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
The Honoured Gift
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Today's been a pretty eventful day. Surprising, comforting, shocking, and stressed.Part 1 Let start it off slowly. Settled myself towards the whole hiclub thing. Its kinda like fire and refinement, burning away all the impurities and probably what I felt was God once again at work with my priorities. Well, as much as me emoing and all that shit, I'm stronger than that ba, just a grieving period before knowing my self and how somehow I'll still get back up. In the end, I got back what I wanted after surrendering it. Life sometimes is about priorities. God doesn't wanna take away what we love, our passion and all, but for us not to let it become our sole motivation and driving force.Part 2 Proceeded to MV afterwards. Woots, struggled with it man. Somehow couldn't bring myself to do it, despite promising Ivy I'll do better next time. Bleh, talk is cheap. Though I really wanted to do better. Kinda annoyed by all the random people around staring at me, not that i'm conscious but I just felt pretty annoyed, like heeey im already struggling with bringing myself to express and then got all these annoying buggers.Reached to a pretty stressed level, cause in the end, I didn't really do much, and kinda wasted the team's time. Stressed over that I had to do it, out of my responsibility to friends, wasn't something I would have just dropped if I wanted to. And in as much as I hated, struggled, and felt the inwards of me tearing apart, I felt no choice but to do it. Haha, then they keep saying to maybe cancel it, which naw. Kinda sucked though, especially that I couldn't do it well. And was fairly annoyed by the point that everyone else was just talking and yet no action shown to me. Felt sucky cos kinda pressured into everyone telling me to do it, yet no one showing/proving to me they can face this struggle too, and then being faulty and not being able to progress the MV. I just wanted you all to prove to me I'm not alone in this struggling cos I feel dam victimized, and that as long as you all show me you can do it too, I'll make myself to do it as well.Think not bad, maybe for once, or hardly, these peeps have seen my vulnerable side, of me wavering into despair, hope, in a loop. Frustration and constant whining, woots, you should see the way or the speed I talk when I'm stressed man, I talk faster than my brain even processes. But yea, thanks to everyone being so patient, as well for believing in me. Though I hate it, curse it, gonna kick its dam ass if I could, but BAAAAAAAAAAH owells, I'm too freaking bendable to resist lolz. Beginning to love you bunch anyway =P Can see the circle growing bigger, kinda cool =PPart 3
3rd part would be me actually expressing the hiclub issue to timothy. Was kinda apprehensive about it well, was kinda afraid he might emo if he couldn't do anything about it. Cheh, and then he say he wouldn't, and wont force me to say becos he knew that I'll be strong somehow to get up again. Lol, cool that you know me well, but walao, LOL just becos I strongish then you no need show concern is it =( Sad sia, hahaha jkjk. But yea, didn't really want things to change because my own selfish desire either.Also got to practiced the genuineness that I often talked about in friendships. Wa seriously, dam hard to do it man. Struggled again like siao, trying to mouth it, lol and then they said I look like a kid =.= But yea, finally said it out, thanks to zx facilitating as well, and finally clear much of the misconceptions, but haha, kinda nice. Overcoming the awkwardness and simplistic escapism to bring myself to the point of genuineness, (with all the observers lol so weird). Glad things took place too =)Ending
Thanks everyone for their concern, and even to the people who think I dunno =P But yups, I think it's nice that you all care about me, but after a certain point of time, you guys needa ensure I stop emoing. I acknowledge a period of grievance, but after it, one must move on. I'm amazed by my change and growth since a year back perhaps, emoing would set me back a few days, or weeks. But for now, my emo hardly last the next day. Besides, as friends, you gotta watch my back too =P if you catch me 2 days after my emo season, forget about worrying about me. I'm probably cool long before =P
Yea hahax, my new self concept, I'm invincible ^^ (at least without being chased by knife wielding gangs...) Or that I'm growing =) Labels: frenz, God, hi club, memories, thoughts
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