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A Love Distorted
Monday, September 6, 2010

People often think, time heals all wounds, but I think the truth is, love does. Time only allows more chances for the wounds to find the love they need.

Love needs not be from a partner or such. Love belongs to every relationship present in our lives. Friends, families, distinguished figures in our lives, and of course, with a special someone. Well, sometimes I cant help but feel people are searching in the wrong places, for a idealistic love that doesn't exist to begin with. Then again, the whole concept of love has been so distorted now.

From a selfless thing, love is now perceived in manners of how we can get, wealth, attention, security, recognition, to fill in our needs. We forgot, love first began as a gift, and to possess love, means to be give love to another in an unconditional manner without the self in mind. Mothers after all get no tangible results from genuinely loving their children regardless of physical or mental state of their beloved.

I'm not disregarding that we indeed do have our internal emotional and mental needs to be met. A neglected love from parents, unattended children lacking affirmation from parents, or maybe a turbulent insecured home. But the basis of love, is not to receive, but to give. Receiving is a bonus which comes in a reciprocal effect when love naturally takes place.

Crushes and boy-girl relationships for example. I am not generalizing everybody, but majority of these happens. Many of us fail to realize the underlying root of selfishness embedded in all these affections. We fall for someone just because he or she always appears there for us, providing us that sense of time, security, attention and many others. Again, I'm not claiming that everybody is like that, but for a check to the self on what are the inner motives.

This selfishness to fulfill oneself can sometimes be distorted as an act of giving. What appears like a good act but with an underlying selfish motive. Take for example, a girl who might "selflessly" give up her time to accompany a boy but behind this simple act could be stem from wanting to be with the person so as to receive their attention, to be acknowledge or well, things that have a selfish root to it.

Sometimes, these affections may develop or distort from good feelings and there can be so many false "like"s we may be unaware of. Things like emotional attachment, resulting from things like mistaking a good feeling evoked by someone fulfilling your need as liking him/her or dependency for a need met which is often easily replace when the source is gone or another comes along. There's things like an "emotional well" like base for liking someone whose reason appears completely indistinguishable, but merely serves a a point for someone to pour his affections to. There's attraction, perhaps to a certain trait or physical feature, but loses its appeal as the attractor is gone. Infatuation resulting from and narcissistic and exaggerated form of affection in a fantasy-like world of their own.

It's not wrong to like someone. It is the natural capacity of a human to have that need to love someone, and even so a common phase for a teenager. But it's more of understanding the basis of the affections one feels for another. Is it of real love, or just something worked from passion or out of the good feelings created from satisfaction gained?

A more wholesome approach to I would think of these is to firstly recognize the roots of these affections and if it comes for a selfish root, then either cut it off or to convert it into something more positive. One problem is that people start to dwell into a emo season due to their expectations and wishes not met, their idealistic pictures rendered impossible. And that's when such the affections take control of the person's life, and things revolve that being in idolatrous obsession. And since it's a huge struggle for people to completely rid themselves of these affections, why not turn it into something positive, making the person happy without trying so hard to engineer something nice to do but more so from a natural source. Hence, there should be no need for negative thoughts or emo-ness as the focus is not on how or what you can get, what happens to you but more of what you can do for that person out of goodwill. As things goes, these affections would then evolve into a genuine care and concern, into a more realistic love which is present in all relationships.

Love, isnt love till you give it away.

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