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Pride comes before a fall
Sunday, March 13, 2011

I hope it'll be a virtue I'll drill into my head; humility.

This season had me face up to many painful areas of my life. Initiated by a series of emo outbursts, beating myself up, only to unacceptingly find certain truth in them. I have been living with a inflated sense of ego. Truely, pride is one of my biggest downfall.

Functioning as a self protecting mechanism as to the false self-credit given to keep my own esteem stemming from the lack of affirmation through my days. Yet, an over dependence of it has done more harm then good, as many defenses do.

I'm always wavering within the two extremes without any proper substance. On one hand I think too highly of myself, placing myself above others. On the other, I fall into self-condemnation and self-pity of being the most terrible person ever. Both of which creates this exaggerated focus on the self.

Hais. More often then not, would be the pride of superiority. Always place myself above others, that I can think better, do better, that I have high morals/values, doing more right things, being more sacrificial. But going through all these have allowed me to see the weak state I am.

I've gone past the emo stage, those the thoughts seems similar, but seeing through so many of my faults, Im not sure how else to see myself in a positive light. Maybe this is my fall, humbling me from conceitedness. I only wish I can be rid of these weaknesses and flaws.

Yet as well I'm afraid of losing this battle, that after everything goes through, I might be back to that's prideful state. I admire humble people really, ironic but yea. It's so easy to forget these people because they never do credit themselves until someones points out so. But that should be the way things are done. Not for self-glorification or build one's esteem. Need to learn to remove my "self" out of the picture. God break me if you must.

I need to learn a great deal about humility.

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