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Cos I need You to Come to My Rescue
Friday, March 11, 2011

There's so much things going through my head I wish people could understand. I don't want it to be forgotten in time, yet these thoughts cannot be expressed in words.

For now, I only wished I'll become less selfish towards all the people around me. Being so self-centered when they are people out there fighting their own battles, in the midst of coping with their own hurts, yet here I am crying out for attention to receive, and doing things to make myself happy.

I've fallen from where I was, an increased manifestation of sin every day. I look around, with the knowledge of what I should do, but my mind is halted by inertia, and the numbing of feelings and motivation. Possessed by the inner demon, growing weaker every day.

I wanna get out of this state really. I'm beginning to admire others, from once I pridefully thought I was better, their strength. The only thing I'm good at is picking myself up, which doesn't do much good since I fall too often. I spend more time standing back up than doing something worthwhile.

There's more that I've uncovered, bringing me greater dismay and hopelessness. A side of me I thought was over, and that now I've only find it to have seeped into every being of me. I've lost it, lose to those needs, lost the ability to look past myself. Now, instinctively I've looked out only for myself. I've turned into something so appalling.

I hate myself now. I hate the way I am. The discontentment. It's gathering everything that can used against me and it's taking effect. Years after years, it resided, resiliently strong against my attempts. Having forgot it so long, maybe I gave it time to grow powerful, and now its raging force is overwhelming me. Every day's a torture, a conflict of wills, a struggle for power.

How, am I going to get out of this. How can I ever slay this beast. A plague of my life, a yoke to my destiny. Oh God help me please. In these dark times I no longer hear my own voice calling out for you, but hear the desperate pleas from the silent depths of my heart. It isn't much to offer but I ask that you take it, and come rescue me. Take me out of this anguish. My heart grows weaker, my resolute dissolved. God please help me, free my soul from the captive of these demons. Soothe my burning pain from each crime committed against You. Take reign over the throne and restore peace and wealth. God, would you reinstate my role as your servant, under the command of your sovereign hand, empowered and authorized by Your mighty name. God, make me whole again, heal the infections that has eaten my bones, fill my voids with your love. God, turn my eyes and feet away from the world, steal my heart once again, let it be You that I desire.

Father Lord, come to my rescue.

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