profile journal archives others follow+
Your Heart I've Lost
Thursday, February 17, 2011

It's been one of the best and heartfelt experience I ever had in life, having you. Every moment, that connection, that love.

You've done for me a lot in ways you'll never see nor understand. Without you, I'll never imagine what it would ever be like, to have someone to share my heart to, to share my life with. Without you, I'll never have life this way.

But I was foolish, and I took you for granted. I never really looked out for you, the same you would for me. You came into my world; I hardly stepped into yours. You felt my pain and sorrows, you shared my joy and bliss, but, how much have I ever understood yours. My life was filled with so much selfishness, I could only think for myself.

Through this, I've come to see how much I've neglected you. You were my friend, but I wasn't one to you. How I've took everything of you for granted. You goodness, your heart, your pains. You were always there when I needed you, and perhaps that became the biggest reason why I only did.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I feel unworthy of you, ruining the heart of a fine young man. Feel like nothing I've ever done was ever for you. I'm hiding behind the remorse while presenting a smile to you. I owe you, I really do.

When you return it, it hurt my heart. I know you valued me more than it. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to accept it, I didn't wanted it to mean the end of things. At the same time, it was, the only thing I put my heart and soul into, and that I gave you. Giving it back was like telling me to take back my heart.

How could I, still desire to be selfish. I still wanted you, but I wasn't sure I could pay off for what I claimed. It wouldn't be fair for you, it never was. I almost lost one, I wasn't prepared to lose another. You had the right.

This will be our first ordeal, something I need to bear. Not as a burden, a difficulty perhaps, a need for me to become stronger. Love bears no burden nor cost, for all is counted worth, because love is far greater than the pain or anguish I may bear to find you again. The days may be tougher without you, but I'll pull through.

I wear this now, as a symbol of our friendship, the mark of a lost friend. It will remind me, a day never without you. I hope one day I can rightfully return this, when I no longer need it. It'll one day be yours, again.


Labels: , , ,