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Aint gonna give you up
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I told myself I’ll bear the consequences, and I guess this is part of it.I’m not sure what’s going on, I don’t think we should be in this sudden change of state. Maybe everything’s a misunderstanding? I don’t know. I’m not even sure of what’s going on. And I’m trying hard to keep myself strong, and not to fall to those subjective thoughts. I dunno why you’re hurting. I don’t know what I did. Was it my words? Hais. And, I don’t want to let this fall. I don’t want things to back they were. But I’ve got no chance at all. The environment, the timing, the situation, and the doors I feel are shutting towards me. The irony of wanting to protect me is hurting me itself. Your walls are lined with piercing barbs. The sheer iciness breaks any touch of contact on it.
But owells, I guess it’s my own doing. It’s just something I have to bear. Sorry for all the pain I caused. Please help me, I’m not sure if you would really help me in this. Maybe I’ll have to fight alone again. But hey, I aint gonna tag this as “emo” because I’m gonna fight it as hard as I can. I'm so close to falling over the edge, but I'm holding on, by the tip of my fingers, a bit more into falling into that chasm again. Take it as my consequences I offered to bear.
But more importantly, for you, for that smile on your face once again. I cant let it slip away.
I need to stay strong dammit. cmon Darren. One step at a time. Keep. pushing. I guess i'm killing myself over nothing again. Hais.
When I choose you over other things that seemed better, it's not that I've lose out on them because of you, but that if I chose them, I would have lost you.
------
Heh, prepared a whole lot of emo stuff but argh. I guess I aint letting it out on here. Feels much better after ranting, and looking back, I know it's isn't good for it to be shown, as much as I'd like to be known. Dooesn't do anyone any good.
But hey, here's the more positive version.
Anyway, we've been through it so many times already, but I didn't expected the fall to come so fast, thought I feel it's uncalled for.
I don't understand anything though, really. I'm only aware I was talking about my fears and worries, and suddenly afterward something triggered. Maybe I didn't understand your point. I don't know really. I just don't know what happened.
And truthfully. I feel treated unjustly. Everything just happened and then all doors were shut. I feel that you at least owe me an explanation.
I'd admit, all those feelings came rushing in. Thoughts of being worthless, and why I'm doing all these again. The pain was excruciating. Really. It hurts beyond depths of anything. Im sure you know those hurts.
And just in case, since I have no idea was happening, I take a guess of you feeling like you hurt me or sorts. I'm really not sure. but I want to tell you, the only time you hurt me, are the times you cut me off like that. It pierces me to the core. But owells.
I dunno luh uh. I suddenly feel so exhausted during those moments. But hey, whatever it is, I'm still gonna fight for you. I'm not gonna let everything go. I'm weak, but I will persevere.
I love you.
Labels: qq, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Aint gonna give you up
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I told myself I’ll bear the consequences, and I guess this is part of it.I’m not sure what’s going on, I don’t think we should be in this sudden change of state. Maybe everything’s a misunderstanding? I don’t know. I’m not even sure of what’s going on. And I’m trying hard to keep myself strong, and not to fall to those subjective thoughts. I dunno why you’re hurting. I don’t know what I did. Was it my words? Hais. And, I don’t want to let this fall. I don’t want things to back they were. But I’ve got no chance at all. The environment, the timing, the situation, and the doors I feel are shutting towards me. The irony of wanting to protect me is hurting me itself. Your walls are lined with piercing barbs. The sheer iciness breaks any touch of contact on it.
But owells, I guess it’s my own doing. It’s just something I have to bear. Sorry for all the pain I caused. Please help me, I’m not sure if you would really help me in this. Maybe I’ll have to fight alone again. But hey, I aint gonna tag this as “emo” because I’m gonna fight it as hard as I can. I'm so close to falling over the edge, but I'm holding on, by the tip of my fingers, a bit more into falling into that chasm again. Take it as my consequences I offered to bear.
But more importantly, for you, for that smile on your face once again. I cant let it slip away.
I need to stay strong dammit. cmon Darren. One step at a time. Keep. pushing. I guess i'm killing myself over nothing again. Hais.
When I choose you over other things that seemed better, it's not that I've lose out on them because of you, but that if I chose them, I would have lost you.
------
Heh, prepared a whole lot of emo stuff but argh. I guess I aint letting it out on here. Feels much better after ranting, and looking back, I know it's isn't good for it to be shown, as much as I'd like to be known. Dooesn't do anyone any good.
But hey, here's the more positive version.
Anyway, we've been through it so many times already, but I didn't expected the fall to come so fast, thought I feel it's uncalled for.
I don't understand anything though, really. I'm only aware I was talking about my fears and worries, and suddenly afterward something triggered. Maybe I didn't understand your point. I don't know really. I just don't know what happened.
And truthfully. I feel treated unjustly. Everything just happened and then all doors were shut. I feel that you at least owe me an explanation.
I'd admit, all those feelings came rushing in. Thoughts of being worthless, and why I'm doing all these again. The pain was excruciating. Really. It hurts beyond depths of anything. Im sure you know those hurts.
And just in case, since I have no idea was happening, I take a guess of you feeling like you hurt me or sorts. I'm really not sure. but I want to tell you, the only time you hurt me, are the times you cut me off like that. It pierces me to the core. But owells.
I dunno luh uh. I suddenly feel so exhausted during those moments. But hey, whatever it is, I'm still gonna fight for you. I'm not gonna let everything go. I'm weak, but I will persevere.
I love you.
Labels: qq, thoughts
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