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The Battle of The Self - Pt1
Thursday, December 16, 2010

Was thinking about my standard for life. I think I have pretty strict ones, not that I fully comply with them. My high standards calls for selflessness in every act. And this measure goes down to every thought, feeling, action. Every single motive for every choice. Well sad to say of course, that I fail by far what I have taken on, but I have no intentions on stopping. It's an infinite pursuit for perfection, one that I will never achieve, but one that I know is right for me.

Selfishness will never satisfy. Whatever the reason. In selfishness, the only immediate recipient is the person himself, no matter how much we deceive ourselves in thinking it's the best for everybody. In truth, it's just the best for us. Be it if we get the most, or being comfy-est. In my theory, that's the problem of every problem in life. Selfishness. The antithesis to love. Selfishness seems pleasurable at first but it will always lurk there.

Say for the problem in feeling unappreciated, or lacking the recognition. It stems from a selfish desire to be known, for the existence of the self in another's life acknowledged. But for one only focused on receiving, an endless struggle of incompetency and feeling devalued by others will forever plague one. Until one overcomes the focus on the self, and does things out of a love for others, regardless of the returns, can one be able to break free from the problem.

Insecurities as well, the easier route in life, ironically, leading one to a constant attitude self-pitying and devalue from the people around. Whereas living in lies would be so much simpler, albeit non-beneficial, it always takes one to look pass himself to trust, and have faith in others, and one's existence. though it's pretty hard. The focus on securing one's comfort will be sieged by constant doubts.

And so, with my morals and philosophy in life, I cant help but be drawn to do what this calls in me. I find myself strongly drawn towards having to do the right thing, and it agonizes my flesh like a thorn. Doing the right things often is pretty darn hard. But heh, all amidst the constant whining and fussing, I'll say from my inner being that, this is just what's that needed to be done, whether I like it or not.

The attitude of doing what's right often ask one to take up selflessness. I believe that undeniably that one has the voice inside knowing what's right and what's wrong. and it goes beyond just how much we'd like it or not. Certainly these words are often not met with a positive response, understandably, it goes against the natural self. it' so much easier to hate someone than to love a person's who "difficult" to love.

Maybe to clarify, that act of selflessness doesn't enforce complete and total surrender to doing things for others outwardly. Part of being selfless ensures that one is in suitable maintained condition to continue perform in one's task. In a sense, there's isn't a point in starving oneself so as to feed the hungry, unless the situation really calls for it. There should at least be a minimal maintenance for oneself, including taking ample steps to take care, such as sleep, rest and food. This also includes opening an intake of love, support and sometimes allowing yourself to rest, emotionally and mentally. Neglect to oneself would be a selfish act. I would draw the line as what's necessary before moving on again. Dwelling in a place of comfort increases ones inertia and complacency.

Part 1 end.

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