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Multi-Faceted
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Was thinking about me and the various impressions people have of me, as well as the multi-faceted division of my personality.Think I'm the kind of person, which people will have lots of conflicting impressions. Usually, most people from afar have a favourable view towards me, someone high, friendly, funny. Then as people draw near, see a few not so likable parts of me. Then as people come into contact, over a duration, splits to two paths, dislike, and acceptance. The final part would be when people cross the barriers into understanding me and my ways, then somehow I think views change to much more positive? HAHA owells =PI often laugh when people mention my name as something good when they never really interacted with me before. Good as it might be, many of them are not aware of the "difficulty" of being with someone like me, most for my deviance in challenging conformity with my world. When they do get past the level of interacting with me then I'll take their compliments of me being someone nice more seriously.Maybe I think I'll dwell more on the different sides of me =D Since young I notice certain patterns of behaviour, a collective set of traits accustomed to a personality frame, as well as having a few sides. Not that I'm schizo, but I like to see myself as a multi-personalized person with various sides, that may surface at different points of time or with different people.== Childish side ==Usually appears during times I'm bored or feeling down. This is one of the more suppressed sides, thought exhibited more during poly times, especially with the people who I am comfortable with. One of my favourite sides, you know, being a kid and just being in love with everything around, thinking simplistically and fascinated with every little thing. Accounts for many of my immatured moment. Most people do note that I have quite a kiddish nature, be it if it's annoying or amusing. Maybe due to my childhood, I didn't really get to be a child? Have this world of my own, I'll enter and be completely comfortable there, oblivious to my surroundings.One thing I fear along the way was knowing as the years go by, this side would be less and less likely to be accepted/tolerated, with society's pressure of having to be all grown up and matured.Found my place during YEP '09 trip where, the team really accepted me as I am, allowing this side of me to fully surface without the need for repression, and felt loved and cared for without disdain. Really owe it to them, for allowing me to believe in myself, and come to terms to this side of me.== Random ==Woots, another fun side of me, where I get the randomest of ideas with completely no link to anything whatsoever. Can be quite amusing at times, with nonsensical humour and the ability to make east and west touch. Think it brings quite a lot of life to me as well, lightening the mood as well as for really random ideas and inspirations.== Inquisitive ==My thinker mode. When in this mode, I'll be thinking of everything and anything. Be it on life mostly sometimes I have random thoughts on what makes rice the staple food, or things that are naturally pink, or why books are rectangular, why space exists, the function of love, why we all have names, all sorts of stuff. Most things around me appear interesting or mysteriously intriguing.If you can find me in this mood, I'll be questioning and thinking on how and why everything are that way. Most people would always give me that "what?!" reply like as though why such a question would ever come across anyone's mind.Part of me which expands my thinking/knowledge bank, searching deeper into things most people do not thing about or consider.== Emo ==Emo side when the negative stuff floods in. Mostly pessimistic, and much into a negative spiral of thoughts. Typically, everything seems bleak, and I'll wallow about in melancholy and feeling helpless. My selfish moments of wishing lotsa of stuff as well, in a dreamy state of how my ideals and fantasies could be.Often through this blog, others get to see a really depressive view towards things. Surprising to some to see someone like me go so low? but I think after awhile they get used to it =P check out my old emo post by the tags to know how bad things can turn in my mind when I'm being down.== Introverted ==My super quiet or reclusive state. Either dwelling in my own world, with little desire to interact with people. Also accounts for the shy moments towards people. Yes... I have my shy moments too. Enjoy peace and quiet and withdrawal from friends and people. Also the part where I become very conscious and wary of others, not daring to talk to people. Often this mode kicks in after a burnout from a highly sociable activity like camp or sorts.== Good == The side I'm trying to train and improve on. This side of me longs for the good of others, and cant resist helping out whenever I see something that could be helped. After going through much of troubles of my own, I seek out to alleviate the pain of others, be it through small acts.There's an amplified even nicer side of me where I'll go the extra mile plus open my reserves to help someone, often overlooking my own, such as fears and thoughts, to fully focus on the person. Again, uncommon side, but yea, wahahas. Some of the nice bits of me.
== Shadow ==Pure selfishness and destruction in its manifestation, a reversal of the good side of me. This part of me abuses the skills and pinpointing intuition to spot out problems, and turn them into weaknesses used again the target. Lotsa thoughts of how to screw up one person, how easy it would be like, destruction after all is so easy to enact. Playing all the possible scenes of destroying another person causing a life of misery.BUUUT chey. I'm too nice to do it somehow. Have never done it on anyone and should never will, it'll be a great failure if I were to abuse my skills and blaaa. Only manifested when completely pissed off by inconsiderate selfish jerks who affect others through their self centered living.
== Matured ==This is one of the bestest, nicest, rarest side. There are certain occasional moments where I become a really serious, matured person. Somehow equipped with the wisdom to make an impactful change in someone for that moment. As compared to my impatient thinking self, this side of me brings out an empathetic, un-offensive, confrontational approach in resolving problems. Haha, appears in moments where I tune in to myself, hardly ever though. Haha, lucky few to those who have seen it.
== Real Self ==The side I'm proud of, and that which I name as "Nico" to differentiate it from the usual me. This side of me, in its full awareness of every dynamics and the functions within. A subtle voice to the emo side, of the truth and values, and in all its philosophy with knowledge as to what's right. This is the moral side to me, and is probably the side that picks me up. The one that fights against every defense mechanism that "protects" me from the world. Haha, I love it how I know myself so well, I can counter my every move if I wanted to. This self is the one that keeps me going whenever swayed by emotions or environment.Labels: Me, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Multi-Faceted
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Was thinking about me and the various impressions people have of me, as well as the multi-faceted division of my personality.Think I'm the kind of person, which people will have lots of conflicting impressions. Usually, most people from afar have a favourable view towards me, someone high, friendly, funny. Then as people draw near, see a few not so likable parts of me. Then as people come into contact, over a duration, splits to two paths, dislike, and acceptance. The final part would be when people cross the barriers into understanding me and my ways, then somehow I think views change to much more positive? HAHA owells =PI often laugh when people mention my name as something good when they never really interacted with me before. Good as it might be, many of them are not aware of the "difficulty" of being with someone like me, most for my deviance in challenging conformity with my world. When they do get past the level of interacting with me then I'll take their compliments of me being someone nice more seriously.Maybe I think I'll dwell more on the different sides of me =D Since young I notice certain patterns of behaviour, a collective set of traits accustomed to a personality frame, as well as having a few sides. Not that I'm schizo, but I like to see myself as a multi-personalized person with various sides, that may surface at different points of time or with different people.== Childish side ==Usually appears during times I'm bored or feeling down. This is one of the more suppressed sides, thought exhibited more during poly times, especially with the people who I am comfortable with. One of my favourite sides, you know, being a kid and just being in love with everything around, thinking simplistically and fascinated with every little thing. Accounts for many of my immatured moment. Most people do note that I have quite a kiddish nature, be it if it's annoying or amusing. Maybe due to my childhood, I didn't really get to be a child? Have this world of my own, I'll enter and be completely comfortable there, oblivious to my surroundings.One thing I fear along the way was knowing as the years go by, this side would be less and less likely to be accepted/tolerated, with society's pressure of having to be all grown up and matured.Found my place during YEP '09 trip where, the team really accepted me as I am, allowing this side of me to fully surface without the need for repression, and felt loved and cared for without disdain. Really owe it to them, for allowing me to believe in myself, and come to terms to this side of me.== Random ==Woots, another fun side of me, where I get the randomest of ideas with completely no link to anything whatsoever. Can be quite amusing at times, with nonsensical humour and the ability to make east and west touch. Think it brings quite a lot of life to me as well, lightening the mood as well as for really random ideas and inspirations.== Inquisitive ==My thinker mode. When in this mode, I'll be thinking of everything and anything. Be it on life mostly sometimes I have random thoughts on what makes rice the staple food, or things that are naturally pink, or why books are rectangular, why space exists, the function of love, why we all have names, all sorts of stuff. Most things around me appear interesting or mysteriously intriguing.If you can find me in this mood, I'll be questioning and thinking on how and why everything are that way. Most people would always give me that "what?!" reply like as though why such a question would ever come across anyone's mind.Part of me which expands my thinking/knowledge bank, searching deeper into things most people do not thing about or consider.== Emo ==Emo side when the negative stuff floods in. Mostly pessimistic, and much into a negative spiral of thoughts. Typically, everything seems bleak, and I'll wallow about in melancholy and feeling helpless. My selfish moments of wishing lotsa of stuff as well, in a dreamy state of how my ideals and fantasies could be.Often through this blog, others get to see a really depressive view towards things. Surprising to some to see someone like me go so low? but I think after awhile they get used to it =P check out my old emo post by the tags to know how bad things can turn in my mind when I'm being down.== Introverted ==My super quiet or reclusive state. Either dwelling in my own world, with little desire to interact with people. Also accounts for the shy moments towards people. Yes... I have my shy moments too. Enjoy peace and quiet and withdrawal from friends and people. Also the part where I become very conscious and wary of others, not daring to talk to people. Often this mode kicks in after a burnout from a highly sociable activity like camp or sorts.== Good == The side I'm trying to train and improve on. This side of me longs for the good of others, and cant resist helping out whenever I see something that could be helped. After going through much of troubles of my own, I seek out to alleviate the pain of others, be it through small acts.There's an amplified even nicer side of me where I'll go the extra mile plus open my reserves to help someone, often overlooking my own, such as fears and thoughts, to fully focus on the person. Again, uncommon side, but yea, wahahas. Some of the nice bits of me.
== Shadow ==Pure selfishness and destruction in its manifestation, a reversal of the good side of me. This part of me abuses the skills and pinpointing intuition to spot out problems, and turn them into weaknesses used again the target. Lotsa thoughts of how to screw up one person, how easy it would be like, destruction after all is so easy to enact. Playing all the possible scenes of destroying another person causing a life of misery.BUUUT chey. I'm too nice to do it somehow. Have never done it on anyone and should never will, it'll be a great failure if I were to abuse my skills and blaaa. Only manifested when completely pissed off by inconsiderate selfish jerks who affect others through their self centered living.
== Matured ==This is one of the bestest, nicest, rarest side. There are certain occasional moments where I become a really serious, matured person. Somehow equipped with the wisdom to make an impactful change in someone for that moment. As compared to my impatient thinking self, this side of me brings out an empathetic, un-offensive, confrontational approach in resolving problems. Haha, appears in moments where I tune in to myself, hardly ever though. Haha, lucky few to those who have seen it.
== Real Self ==The side I'm proud of, and that which I name as "Nico" to differentiate it from the usual me. This side of me, in its full awareness of every dynamics and the functions within. A subtle voice to the emo side, of the truth and values, and in all its philosophy with knowledge as to what's right. This is the moral side to me, and is probably the side that picks me up. The one that fights against every defense mechanism that "protects" me from the world. Haha, I love it how I know myself so well, I can counter my every move if I wanted to. This self is the one that keeps me going whenever swayed by emotions or environment.Labels: Me, thoughts
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