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Mindful Scrambles
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Been a 2 days and this is a collection of my the little scrambles in my mind. A thought worthy post for me. About 2k words in total O.O I wish this was my essay =(Everyday routine:Access computerFacebookBejeweledCheck MsnPlay BejeweledRemind myself of all the work dueCheck out interesting facts listsPlay more Bejeweled gamesTime check 1.00amPromise myself I'll do work tomorrow.Oh duh... I wasted one week telling myself to do work but nothing's done so far. I dun like the feeling I'm having. It feels tooooo slack T^TAnd shit. my migraine attacks are getting more frequent. Almost puked in the train the other time. Thank God I made it to school to puke at the field. Dang, there goes my choc chip muffin =(
============================="Can You Still Love Me?" And to your thought of love. You say its better that you love others. True, but as noble as it sounds, I'll shoot it down (judging I know), because what is the root of your love? To gain something you want? comfort? security? attention? affection? companion? Whichever, but the very thought of you hoping to gain something out of it would be of selfish nature.Desiring is natural in its form, but to look for gain from something to love makes it selfish on its own. Perhaps, I'd see it as, "I wish I could get this and that, but whether or not I get it does not determine my love for him/her" The end results shud never affect one's option to love. Love is meant to be given away, not for taking, though ironic to most people's conception of it.Can you still love me, or someone in your life, if he/she was the most terrible and unlikable shitz ever? You would, if your love for me wasn't out to gain something from me, but for who I am, whatever the way I was. You may not love the things I do, but you'd love me for the very being of me.Switch the story over. Would you still love the people you claim to love, friends or family, if they no longer gave you the things you want/needed from them? Most wouldn't think twice about answering "yes" but have they realize the amount of grudges, or displeasure they had towards others. Why then? Infringement of our rights? Failure to provide our perceived "necessities"? Do people only love others because it's easy to love when things are being nice and they are getting their way, is it all based on situations and circumstances? Do we treat people like clothes? I'll only choose you if I look or feel good with you and discard the rest that don't "match".My friend, please don't talk so boldly and nobly about love, if the only thing that revolves around your love, is yourself. The love that you speak of, will prove itself in the test of time.Agape.
=============================" Life's Fulfillment" Recalling his death, I think to myself. What would it be like if I was the one dying. I think I fight hard for my life. Or even if I go to heaven, I wouldn't wanna go in. I'll ask for a second chance. There's so much things I've yet to do. So much souls I've yet to touch. I cant simply go yet. There's much more work I could have done. I think that we often take life for granted. Waiting till another time to do things, shifting responsibility for the present.And then maybe to all the Singaporean teens out there. The life of a 19 year old ended as adruptly as no one expected. But now if you were to put yourself in his shoes. 19 years gone like that. First 6 years as kids, housing many memorable moments. Next 10 years spent in the education system, attaining grades and progressing through the levels. Additional 2 if you go JC. Next 3 years, taking on more practical experiences with specific choice of studies.If life was to end tmr, and looking back, would life have been worth it? Chasing after selfish pursuits, materialistic wants, or the way our life is so wired to go after "success" as its definition by society. What would you parents feel, if in the whole of 19 years, your only ideal for them was for them to strive hard to gain an education to get better jobs, better pay, pushing them for at least half their lives. And then at the 19th year, in their prime of their life, for them to be gone. What meaning would life had then. Have we, lost the essence of living life through all the mindless pursuits propagandized by the media and how society has shaped us. Since when has any one been happy after getting the things they want, (ok, lets mean usually), or is it just being temporarily satisfied, only to be filled with more wants again. If this was your last hour on earth, would your life be a fulfilling one, or one lived out in regrets, problems, waiting, selfishness?Death is magical in its way. It open new doors to life. A sunset to one, is a sunrise to another. Start living right.On a side note, I think it's interesting out we all secretly question ourselves what comes next after death. It's so mind boggling, we choose to avoid it. The amount of anxiety may even cause people to become angry, fearful, defensive, pensive and many more. But the thing is, we do wonder, and we seek answers. Answers science cannot provide. Human design much? Intricate isn't it? What's your answer?============================="How Good is your Good?""God wants to keep doing good things in your life because you are His beloved child. Raise your hope & expect good things to happen to you!"Interesting quote from a pastor. True as it is, but how much truth there is in it is dependent on much much we choose to accept. In post modern Christianity. Much is preached of the good things in stall for us. Appealing isn't it?Cut the chase, and one step deeper. What is this "good" that is being spoken about? For good and favorable things, comfort, wealth and a good life? Bullshit. Is the "good" intended for us defined by us humans, or God? Good things never come easy. Refinement always takes place preceding good things to happen. Why, because the only good God intended for us, is us ourselves. Not for any good measures of life, while those may come in bonuses, but the fundamental good that takes place is the transformation of the person within. The development of character; love, patience, kindness, self control, joy, peace so on and so forth.Post modern Christianity often talks about the good things that happen to us, well, then what about the bad? Are those not from God then? So is God truly sovereign? The problem about us nowadays is our consumerism attitude, we only want what's in for us, the good stuff of course. But never what's hard, uncomfortable and difficult.But truly, I think God's good for us is often contrary to the way we want it or think it would be. It often requires sacrifice, obedience, going against our selfish nature, faith in the unthinkable, stepping out of the comfort zone. It's hardly ever the common notion of doing a simple prayer and watching money rain from the sky. In times of tribulation, do we blame God for denying us the "good things" we mistakenly thought He would? Or have we twisted His promises into our own wishes.Refinement is often painful, as a consuming fire, burning away the impurities within. A work made by stones, bricks, wood, hay reveals easily under the test of fire. This "good" you talk about, how good is your "good" really?I'll end this section with my own quote:
There is no good or bad things (defined as experiences) in this world. Only the desirable and undesirable, for all things work together for the greater good and purpose of our God, whether understood in the present, future, or beyond our knowing.============================="The Forgotten" Relationships. Was talking to a friend about how people or teens are getting into relationships nowadays. I personally find that, people are jumping into relationships too quickly.The choice of a getting to a relationship requires a increase in commitment level, and I find that most couples face unnecessary problems because they take things too quickly. I like you you like me, ok lets get together.To me, I find that there ought to be a pre-relationship moment, where ideally should be when two people work together under the objective to know each other more. Rather than leaving it to the "relationship" stage. The point of "officially being together" requires both party to to increase a level of support and understanding for each other, and skipping the first step of getting to know each other better is like adding additional burdens to do.Besides, I think we do have to agree that under the spell of love, biasness often clouds one's mind. Many things are done on impulse and most of things concerning the object of affection appears ideal and perfect. Until they know better. Conflicts arises. After awhile, the truth slowly seeps in and we come to find that, things don't really seem to appear the way they did previously, more unlikeable stuff that annoys us, or issues of different opinions clash.I think its the same reason why we don't jump into marriage. It's a big thing, with extra commitments and responsibilities. My point is, its the same! Being in a romantic relationships is also the next step from "friendship" as defined by one knowing another. I feel that its the downgrading of romantic relationships and its importance being underrated as something negligible. All its perks seems so alluring and desirable, we overlook the necessary steps and preparation required for it.True, it's a personal choice thing, but I think for myself, if ever the case of me thinking of getting together with someone, I'll set myself this grace period, perhaps a minimum of 1 month. I'll need to know this girl, and so does she for me. At least so, she's gotta see all the sides of me, know me for more than just my "likable sides". The times I emo, the times I go wild, the times I become horribly selfish, the times under stress, the times where I follow my calling, the times I have my needs, the times of deviance, the times I'm being a complete retarded insensitive doofus. Cause there's no way anybody will be able to enter a relationships, and just taking in only the good stuff, and leaving out the bad. You cant split a person into good and bad and choose the parts you want. As well as, if one can accept another for their worst, there's nothing much left to complain or be unwantedly surprised about.=============================" Imperfection" Haiyaaa, I still think I'm not being good enough, not from the point of esteem issues but it's once again every time I evaluate my works with my knowings, it just fails to live up to what I have in my head (or heart). So much for the constant thought of loving others, yet much of me is still filled with selfishness.Selfishness also in the sense that I have my point of focus on myself before others. Things like pride and fear. My pride of not wanting to allow people see me as weak, or in fact "good" (yea I like to appear bad sometimes). Things like thinking whether it's convenient for me or whether I would lose out (maybe time with friends if I decide to go meet someone). Fear restraining me from saying things, showing concern, thinking into what the person would think of me.Oh blehz, if only I could be rid of such things ._. But nvm, learning along the way =)============================="Conformity to the World"And thanks Yvette for sharing =D 'And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."Romans 12:2
Deviance to social norms breaking free from the regime of the selfish law of the world's system. Part of me is showing true deviance, though the other part is just trying to prove myself. Blehz.
Once again, I'm proud of myself that I chose not to conform during camp. Thank God = ) Bahahaha!Labels: God, Me, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Mindful Scrambles
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Been a 2 days and this is a collection of my the little scrambles in my mind. A thought worthy post for me. About 2k words in total O.O I wish this was my essay =(Everyday routine:Access computerFacebookBejeweledCheck MsnPlay BejeweledRemind myself of all the work dueCheck out interesting facts listsPlay more Bejeweled gamesTime check 1.00amPromise myself I'll do work tomorrow.Oh duh... I wasted one week telling myself to do work but nothing's done so far. I dun like the feeling I'm having. It feels tooooo slack T^TAnd shit. my migraine attacks are getting more frequent. Almost puked in the train the other time. Thank God I made it to school to puke at the field. Dang, there goes my choc chip muffin =(
============================="Can You Still Love Me?" And to your thought of love. You say its better that you love others. True, but as noble as it sounds, I'll shoot it down (judging I know), because what is the root of your love? To gain something you want? comfort? security? attention? affection? companion? Whichever, but the very thought of you hoping to gain something out of it would be of selfish nature.Desiring is natural in its form, but to look for gain from something to love makes it selfish on its own. Perhaps, I'd see it as, "I wish I could get this and that, but whether or not I get it does not determine my love for him/her" The end results shud never affect one's option to love. Love is meant to be given away, not for taking, though ironic to most people's conception of it.Can you still love me, or someone in your life, if he/she was the most terrible and unlikable shitz ever? You would, if your love for me wasn't out to gain something from me, but for who I am, whatever the way I was. You may not love the things I do, but you'd love me for the very being of me.Switch the story over. Would you still love the people you claim to love, friends or family, if they no longer gave you the things you want/needed from them? Most wouldn't think twice about answering "yes" but have they realize the amount of grudges, or displeasure they had towards others. Why then? Infringement of our rights? Failure to provide our perceived "necessities"? Do people only love others because it's easy to love when things are being nice and they are getting their way, is it all based on situations and circumstances? Do we treat people like clothes? I'll only choose you if I look or feel good with you and discard the rest that don't "match".My friend, please don't talk so boldly and nobly about love, if the only thing that revolves around your love, is yourself. The love that you speak of, will prove itself in the test of time.Agape.
=============================" Life's Fulfillment" Recalling his death, I think to myself. What would it be like if I was the one dying. I think I fight hard for my life. Or even if I go to heaven, I wouldn't wanna go in. I'll ask for a second chance. There's so much things I've yet to do. So much souls I've yet to touch. I cant simply go yet. There's much more work I could have done. I think that we often take life for granted. Waiting till another time to do things, shifting responsibility for the present.And then maybe to all the Singaporean teens out there. The life of a 19 year old ended as adruptly as no one expected. But now if you were to put yourself in his shoes. 19 years gone like that. First 6 years as kids, housing many memorable moments. Next 10 years spent in the education system, attaining grades and progressing through the levels. Additional 2 if you go JC. Next 3 years, taking on more practical experiences with specific choice of studies.If life was to end tmr, and looking back, would life have been worth it? Chasing after selfish pursuits, materialistic wants, or the way our life is so wired to go after "success" as its definition by society. What would you parents feel, if in the whole of 19 years, your only ideal for them was for them to strive hard to gain an education to get better jobs, better pay, pushing them for at least half their lives. And then at the 19th year, in their prime of their life, for them to be gone. What meaning would life had then. Have we, lost the essence of living life through all the mindless pursuits propagandized by the media and how society has shaped us. Since when has any one been happy after getting the things they want, (ok, lets mean usually), or is it just being temporarily satisfied, only to be filled with more wants again. If this was your last hour on earth, would your life be a fulfilling one, or one lived out in regrets, problems, waiting, selfishness?Death is magical in its way. It open new doors to life. A sunset to one, is a sunrise to another. Start living right.On a side note, I think it's interesting out we all secretly question ourselves what comes next after death. It's so mind boggling, we choose to avoid it. The amount of anxiety may even cause people to become angry, fearful, defensive, pensive and many more. But the thing is, we do wonder, and we seek answers. Answers science cannot provide. Human design much? Intricate isn't it? What's your answer?============================="How Good is your Good?""God wants to keep doing good things in your life because you are His beloved child. Raise your hope & expect good things to happen to you!"Interesting quote from a pastor. True as it is, but how much truth there is in it is dependent on much much we choose to accept. In post modern Christianity. Much is preached of the good things in stall for us. Appealing isn't it?Cut the chase, and one step deeper. What is this "good" that is being spoken about? For good and favorable things, comfort, wealth and a good life? Bullshit. Is the "good" intended for us defined by us humans, or God? Good things never come easy. Refinement always takes place preceding good things to happen. Why, because the only good God intended for us, is us ourselves. Not for any good measures of life, while those may come in bonuses, but the fundamental good that takes place is the transformation of the person within. The development of character; love, patience, kindness, self control, joy, peace so on and so forth.Post modern Christianity often talks about the good things that happen to us, well, then what about the bad? Are those not from God then? So is God truly sovereign? The problem about us nowadays is our consumerism attitude, we only want what's in for us, the good stuff of course. But never what's hard, uncomfortable and difficult.But truly, I think God's good for us is often contrary to the way we want it or think it would be. It often requires sacrifice, obedience, going against our selfish nature, faith in the unthinkable, stepping out of the comfort zone. It's hardly ever the common notion of doing a simple prayer and watching money rain from the sky. In times of tribulation, do we blame God for denying us the "good things" we mistakenly thought He would? Or have we twisted His promises into our own wishes.Refinement is often painful, as a consuming fire, burning away the impurities within. A work made by stones, bricks, wood, hay reveals easily under the test of fire. This "good" you talk about, how good is your "good" really?I'll end this section with my own quote:
There is no good or bad things (defined as experiences) in this world. Only the desirable and undesirable, for all things work together for the greater good and purpose of our God, whether understood in the present, future, or beyond our knowing.============================="The Forgotten" Relationships. Was talking to a friend about how people or teens are getting into relationships nowadays. I personally find that, people are jumping into relationships too quickly.The choice of a getting to a relationship requires a increase in commitment level, and I find that most couples face unnecessary problems because they take things too quickly. I like you you like me, ok lets get together.To me, I find that there ought to be a pre-relationship moment, where ideally should be when two people work together under the objective to know each other more. Rather than leaving it to the "relationship" stage. The point of "officially being together" requires both party to to increase a level of support and understanding for each other, and skipping the first step of getting to know each other better is like adding additional burdens to do.Besides, I think we do have to agree that under the spell of love, biasness often clouds one's mind. Many things are done on impulse and most of things concerning the object of affection appears ideal and perfect. Until they know better. Conflicts arises. After awhile, the truth slowly seeps in and we come to find that, things don't really seem to appear the way they did previously, more unlikeable stuff that annoys us, or issues of different opinions clash.I think its the same reason why we don't jump into marriage. It's a big thing, with extra commitments and responsibilities. My point is, its the same! Being in a romantic relationships is also the next step from "friendship" as defined by one knowing another. I feel that its the downgrading of romantic relationships and its importance being underrated as something negligible. All its perks seems so alluring and desirable, we overlook the necessary steps and preparation required for it.True, it's a personal choice thing, but I think for myself, if ever the case of me thinking of getting together with someone, I'll set myself this grace period, perhaps a minimum of 1 month. I'll need to know this girl, and so does she for me. At least so, she's gotta see all the sides of me, know me for more than just my "likable sides". The times I emo, the times I go wild, the times I become horribly selfish, the times under stress, the times where I follow my calling, the times I have my needs, the times of deviance, the times I'm being a complete retarded insensitive doofus. Cause there's no way anybody will be able to enter a relationships, and just taking in only the good stuff, and leaving out the bad. You cant split a person into good and bad and choose the parts you want. As well as, if one can accept another for their worst, there's nothing much left to complain or be unwantedly surprised about.=============================" Imperfection" Haiyaaa, I still think I'm not being good enough, not from the point of esteem issues but it's once again every time I evaluate my works with my knowings, it just fails to live up to what I have in my head (or heart). So much for the constant thought of loving others, yet much of me is still filled with selfishness.Selfishness also in the sense that I have my point of focus on myself before others. Things like pride and fear. My pride of not wanting to allow people see me as weak, or in fact "good" (yea I like to appear bad sometimes). Things like thinking whether it's convenient for me or whether I would lose out (maybe time with friends if I decide to go meet someone). Fear restraining me from saying things, showing concern, thinking into what the person would think of me.Oh blehz, if only I could be rid of such things ._. But nvm, learning along the way =)============================="Conformity to the World"And thanks Yvette for sharing =D 'And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."Romans 12:2
Deviance to social norms breaking free from the regime of the selfish law of the world's system. Part of me is showing true deviance, though the other part is just trying to prove myself. Blehz.
Once again, I'm proud of myself that I chose not to conform during camp. Thank God = ) Bahahaha!Labels: God, Me, thoughts
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