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Alone
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I see it my everyday life, my speech, my behaviour, my interaction. Individualism. Out of my subconscious mind, I speak so much of words like "I, me, my" and anything that denotes a personal and individualistic thought pattern. But sheesh, it's not that I want it that way, I was trained to be that way.Well, I would always see things in quite a self-perspective way. Growing up with a family that didnt quite felt like a family, each member burdened with their own personal difficulties, I was left to fend for my own, well not physically, but every other aspect. I learnt of the world's coldness, with everybody busy having their own things to fix. I learnt how to stand on my own, or in another light, how not to rely on anybody. I never quite see nor believed things would ever come to a lovely ending. Good one maybe, but not anything "love"ly. I pretty much cut myself off from any source, being disbelieving of any possibilities that my conflict with this warped philosophy I grew up with. Even if I was to do something that require the collaboration of another, it never quite was "working together" for. It's either you helping me, or me helping you. Something obvious in the common mistake of my personal addressing the class, sanctioned by the glares of my partner. Well, it's not that I think the class is mine, I've just habitualized myself to the solo path of things.Perhaps this is why, there is this part of me hidden from the world. This part of me that retains my individual sanity. This part of me that blocks out every other force breaking in, be it to devour me, or rescue me. Well, in an fairytale analogy, I given up waiting for a hero to come. I'm on my own rouge mission to fulfill the things I seek.Saddening isn't it. Even with a close companion. I hate to see how the possibility of me opening up my inner world to someone, only to see them go, whether of natural circumstances. A "family", I have yet to acknowledge, despite their welcoming gestures. It's amazing how, I have yet to utter a single word of acceptance, the acceptance of myself, allowing myself to be loved.I know well the weakness to my very being, the devious contraptions that intricately protect me from everything, both the good and bad. This weakness I am so tempted to divulge, so that one can free me from these chains of bondage. A charm so powerful to unlock, yet so dangerous to find. But who would?Many people claim they would. Foolish souls. Not a thought in mind, have they considered the weight of such a burden. It is not something to be played with. Many do not understand the gravity of such a task. A babbling fool sweetly says, "I'll be here for you always", when we well know, we, are often incapable of such a feat. It's not about giving hope, its about not making someone lose greater hope due to another's insolence. Don't make promises you cant keep.On a ending note, build all the walls you might, shed all the tears you want. If you're unwilling to even rescue yourself, how else can another save you. This castle fashioned by your own mind will allow no light to come it, until you let it. No matter what kinds of miracle cures and therapy for a paralytic there might be, if he chooses not to stand up, he will never walk.Stand up and fight.
P.S. I know I'm much into my own world, but sheesh. One thing at a time. I'll find my way out, somehow.
Labels: Me, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Alone
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I see it my everyday life, my speech, my behaviour, my interaction. Individualism. Out of my subconscious mind, I speak so much of words like "I, me, my" and anything that denotes a personal and individualistic thought pattern. But sheesh, it's not that I want it that way, I was trained to be that way.Well, I would always see things in quite a self-perspective way. Growing up with a family that didnt quite felt like a family, each member burdened with their own personal difficulties, I was left to fend for my own, well not physically, but every other aspect. I learnt of the world's coldness, with everybody busy having their own things to fix. I learnt how to stand on my own, or in another light, how not to rely on anybody. I never quite see nor believed things would ever come to a lovely ending. Good one maybe, but not anything "love"ly. I pretty much cut myself off from any source, being disbelieving of any possibilities that my conflict with this warped philosophy I grew up with. Even if I was to do something that require the collaboration of another, it never quite was "working together" for. It's either you helping me, or me helping you. Something obvious in the common mistake of my personal addressing the class, sanctioned by the glares of my partner. Well, it's not that I think the class is mine, I've just habitualized myself to the solo path of things.Perhaps this is why, there is this part of me hidden from the world. This part of me that retains my individual sanity. This part of me that blocks out every other force breaking in, be it to devour me, or rescue me. Well, in an fairytale analogy, I given up waiting for a hero to come. I'm on my own rouge mission to fulfill the things I seek.Saddening isn't it. Even with a close companion. I hate to see how the possibility of me opening up my inner world to someone, only to see them go, whether of natural circumstances. A "family", I have yet to acknowledge, despite their welcoming gestures. It's amazing how, I have yet to utter a single word of acceptance, the acceptance of myself, allowing myself to be loved.I know well the weakness to my very being, the devious contraptions that intricately protect me from everything, both the good and bad. This weakness I am so tempted to divulge, so that one can free me from these chains of bondage. A charm so powerful to unlock, yet so dangerous to find. But who would?Many people claim they would. Foolish souls. Not a thought in mind, have they considered the weight of such a burden. It is not something to be played with. Many do not understand the gravity of such a task. A babbling fool sweetly says, "I'll be here for you always", when we well know, we, are often incapable of such a feat. It's not about giving hope, its about not making someone lose greater hope due to another's insolence. Don't make promises you cant keep.On a ending note, build all the walls you might, shed all the tears you want. If you're unwilling to even rescue yourself, how else can another save you. This castle fashioned by your own mind will allow no light to come it, until you let it. No matter what kinds of miracle cures and therapy for a paralytic there might be, if he chooses not to stand up, he will never walk.Stand up and fight.
P.S. I know I'm much into my own world, but sheesh. One thing at a time. I'll find my way out, somehow.
Labels: Me, thoughts
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