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Breaking the Rules
Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I was shocked and disappointed by your reply. Coming from one whom I greatly respected, I thought you wouldn't be like the rest.

It is times like this that I question myself, do I stay true to myself, or just conform to everyone, and put on a facade and pretend to be like them. Most of my life, my thought life remains solitary. Most people that come across me, and have a face off with the "chim" side of me would often argue with what I think and take me as some guy with an absurd mind. Even within the same people that supposedly share the same beliefs.

But if there is so much more potential to what I can do instead of just being someone normal, which should I choose? To fulfill my potential, and be chided by the world, OR live an ordinary mundane live and be part of everyone. A battle of self-actualization versus the acceptance of the world. And you know what, I'll make do without man's approval.

I do portray myself as a deep thinker and I take pride in such a fact. Much of the society norms prefers to takes life simply. I'm sure some of you have already scoffed at me upon reading the first sentence of this paragraph.

But really, who are you to judge me? Coming from a community of psychology students, our level of thoughts are naturally inclined towards deeper thoughts, on trying to understand the roots of human behaviour. In comparison, to the average everyday folk, we're thinking too much. Why bother all the shit about why people do what they do, why not just live life as it is.

But what? Are we then called to drop our studies and perhaps live life simply the way it seems to be. How then would the field of psychology be founded? In fact, each study of it own, be it engineering, physics, architecture, they all require us to be engage in deep thought about how the factors affect one another, don't they?

It would be the norm for a psych student to be known as a thinker because society labels a right to do so, if you were anything else that didn't gave you the norm of thinking too much, I'm guessing we'll all be deemed as thinking way too much.

But who sets this standards? Society? Who are you to judge or mock me as thinking way too much? Take a look at the times of the Greek philosophers. They were thinking a heck way too much in current standards. But what, was it not their findings, their theories and something that they came up with that has impacted the world as it is currently today. You might argue the fact that it doesn't have a direct impact on you, but you may fail to realize, without all these deep level of thoughts, perhaps the world would have just been back it was as what history depict as cavemen hunters.

Wasn't it the people who figured hard about economy, gravity, civilisation, and every other aspect in the world that has made us evolved to such standings. You are only a beneficiary of the outcome of these thoughts and you dare mock them? Unless you're a case of a spoilt brat under the influence of a filthy rich family that you fail to realize the importance of money.

I mean come on, who on earth who even tried thinking of how numbers worked and interacted, and put numbers to everything that could be. Wasn't it just thinking too much for nothing? But what? Has maths not revolutionize the world, can you imagine the world without maths? Time? Money? Space? Proportions? And there we have kids complaining that maths is a utterly useless subject. Yea thanks, you ought to be some mindless zombie too, driven by instincts like some wild animal. This way, you don't have to think so much.

You know, I'm sick and tired of people making fun of me as "thinking too much". I'm pretty sure some of you reading this now already had a "there he goes again..." thought of me blasting away into a world of chim-ology. Besides, as long as I'm not going into some subjective spiral of selfish thoughts, I see no wrong in that. Just because I'm different doesn't give you to right to mock or judge me.

I look upon myself as one deviant to that of social standards. My values, my thoughts, I find them of deeper level than many people out there. True I believe some of my thoughts are warped by weird thinking, that I know, but for many, there are deeper reasons underlying why I choose to see things in a certain way. I'd like to emphasis the word "deep" that yes, I understand many of us have our own deep thoughts, by what if by chance, my is of a separate level of depth, some other uncommon field of thought, is it for you, that just because that I do not follow the norms that you judge me?

I refuse to conform. Social norms are just some shit to keep everyone under control. It has its purpose to maintain order in keeping those people who do whacky shit like yawn dam loudly in a library like nobody business, or to yell on top of your lungs when talking to someone on the phone, in a quiet MRT cabin. But what say if deviance in a more positive aspect. Deviance where people try out new stuff, for creativity. It is the same bloody social standards that say "oh no, please do keep to what everybody is doing, we don't want you doing anything different, yea keep in line please". What is this? In some sense, aren't we gonna be robots under the control of social standards?

You know what? All those who disagree with me, sure, you can go ahead and live life according to your boundaries. I've set mine further and higher, and I choose to go beyond what's normal. Call me abnormal, give me a frown of disapproval, whatever, I don't care anymore.

Maybe one day, I'll make a difference.

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