|
profile
journal
archives
others
follow+
|
Insecurities
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Hm.. didn't realize how much that event affected me.Suddenly, I've lost confidence in myself, falling into a state of self condemnation and being lost. No longer believe in whatever I do, and out arises this desperate need for affirmation. The better I think I am, the worse I find myself to be
These days have made me reflected upon the scales of right and wrong, selfless and selfish, and I find myself weighing so heavily on the bad. Maybe it is over-exaggeration, and negligence of the good - something which I find myself lack. On this scale I don't want to put any self-credit of previously false experiences.Everything I do recently been bogged down by insecurities. The recent two days leading the Grandioso team was terribly done, often with moments where I lose myself, either in confusion, or in fear. Even in other areas of interaction with relationships and doing things.
Heh, I think I lack affirmation, yet it is something I can't rely from the people around. Let these be an expression of my needs, I seek no post-pity actions from people. I find that for much that I do, despite acknowledging the insignificance of it, comes from a personal effort from inside me. I don't ask for people to give me in return, I dare not. Everyone has their own lives. Though I deeply wish to know that I've done something worthwhile with little bits of my heart I give out. I only wish to know that I didnt do all these for nothing.But nonetheless, these desires seems never to be fulfilled nor satisfied. I'm gonna have to look beyond myself, and to God. Faith. Need to find that peace and assurance once again. Every time I become human, I become weak, but with God, I can move mountains.Labels: thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Insecurities
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Hm.. didn't realize how much that event affected me.Suddenly, I've lost confidence in myself, falling into a state of self condemnation and being lost. No longer believe in whatever I do, and out arises this desperate need for affirmation. The better I think I am, the worse I find myself to be
These days have made me reflected upon the scales of right and wrong, selfless and selfish, and I find myself weighing so heavily on the bad. Maybe it is over-exaggeration, and negligence of the good - something which I find myself lack. On this scale I don't want to put any self-credit of previously false experiences.Everything I do recently been bogged down by insecurities. The recent two days leading the Grandioso team was terribly done, often with moments where I lose myself, either in confusion, or in fear. Even in other areas of interaction with relationships and doing things.
Heh, I think I lack affirmation, yet it is something I can't rely from the people around. Let these be an expression of my needs, I seek no post-pity actions from people. I find that for much that I do, despite acknowledging the insignificance of it, comes from a personal effort from inside me. I don't ask for people to give me in return, I dare not. Everyone has their own lives. Though I deeply wish to know that I've done something worthwhile with little bits of my heart I give out. I only wish to know that I didnt do all these for nothing.But nonetheless, these desires seems never to be fulfilled nor satisfied. I'm gonna have to look beyond myself, and to God. Faith. Need to find that peace and assurance once again. Every time I become human, I become weak, but with God, I can move mountains.Labels: thoughts
|
