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Defensive Forts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I wish people wouldn't put up walls.

Daunted upon me that it isn't that I don't know what to ask people when in conversations; I actually do have all the questions, I just don't dare to ask them. So much so all those questions have become suppressed. Dang.

Maybe it's me, being way too extreme. All those small talk, I hate it really. I mostly enjoy talks about life. I like things about what people are feeling, thinking, their pains, their growth, concepts about life - values, morals, experience that touches the heart. Haha, maybe more of those deep/chim sort of things.

I don't want to think I'm the only one loving these things, I'm sure many others do, just that I haven't found them. I'd wish I'd find them, each conversation would be something meaningful that builds life, doesn't have to be of depth, just something of quality.

But heh, I no longer do ask much of these anymore. I fear the rejection. Every time a certain questions pops up in my mind, and all I ever tell myself is "if only, but nah". I've begin to judge myself even, that I probably wont be worth the answer. Each time when asked about day/things/life, all i get in return is "fine, good, nothing much".

Hais. Come on, there's 24 hours to each day, and the functioning speed of the brain, surely there must be something worth talking. Feelings, thoughts, random moments, something that makes you go wild, whatever. Just don't say fine, nothing much, and all that, at least throw in a explanation why.

I'm not sure about the so many people around, but maybe that we're just having too much walls. Don't feel like saying anything, nothing much worth saying to so-and-so. And we wonder why there's not much genuine relationships. Everyone's waiting for someone worth it, but nobody's making it worth it. We're all just keeping behind our shells till it's safe.

And then the chain reaction. One opens, while the other happens to be close. Hurt. The other closes and then the other opens. Really. It's pain yea, but why can't we all just put down our dam walls. It's like a mirror image perception of each other. We all hope to be able to know each other better, yet neither of us dare to open up, waiting for the other to be the nice one to make the first move.

I wish people could be more real to each other. And with that more acceptance as well. What's life if everything is kept in our minds unknown to others. Both the good or the bad, it's about being real, and being that for each other. Everyone wants genuine friendship, and that has to be earned, not dropped down from the sky randomly.

Come on people. If you really want those genuine relationships, you've gotta work for it. Even if you wanna be more passive. Be open about being passive! Actively passive. Lol. But at least the other person knows, rather than be left guessing.

Walls are natural defense mechanism, but I find that they do us more harm then to protect us. Pain, the feeling we're so adverse to, makes us grow stronger. It sucks, definitely, but what is life without a pinch here and there.

this world needs lesser walls and more genuineness.

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