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Red or Blue Pill
Saturday, February 5, 2011

Hmm seems long since I wrote about something philosophically thought-ish that doesn't involve my life.

During one of those low moments, had a friend walked past me. I didn't put on a sad face or anything, maybe a straight one. I even said hi, with a slight smile I guess? I normally avoided people. lol I really will turn around and walk another way if I saw someone I knew but didnt want to say hi to xD

Minutes later she sent a text asking if I was fine. Was kinda freaky how she kinda picked me out with a few seconds.

I remember another time, where someone said I didn't sound too good.

Makes me wonder, either I'm showing it all, or im just wayy too readable. Or both.

Kinda brings me back to those moments when I was into the whole facade concept. I think it's great. When someone asks me how I am, my mind pauses. I could either say what's going on in my life, or reply with the typical "I'm fine". Now, as much as I don't like it, I'll just say whatever that's happening. In a quick summary, or sometimes too long cause I'm that talkative sort. =P

Even though it brings about so much more vulnerability and weaknesses to light, the authenticity feels good. Even if people don't like me because I seem like a whiny little emo kid, I'd rather be disliked for what I am, then be liked for who I'm not. Nobody likes being vulnerable I guess. But it's through that vulnerability that builds true relationships. You know those times when you see someone, so broken, so weak, when you let your own guard down, to be one with that person?

Maybe people think that by showing all this, it's a sign of weakness. Hey, I agree. Who isn't. But it takes strength to bear the pain, and sometimes possibly shame, of showing those vulnerabilities. Cause I think, somewhere in us, we're all broken, in one way or another. And we all relate to that feelings of brokenness. Nobody likes it. It's just that the world demands a happy face, that everything needs to be okay. An intolerance to brokenness. And I believe it's bad enough that we're hurting, it doesn't add anything to tell us to shut up and be happy about it. I see facades as a protection to these hurts.

It's natural to protect ourselves. Every living thing has that inbuilt instinct. But sometimes, we carry these mask for too long, we end up living alter-egos. It works as an alternative to pain, but avoiding it wont do any good for us. We may fool others, we may fool ourselves, but we can never fool pain. Once everyone is gone, the silence settles in, there, the pain stalks us from the shadows, returning to strike that painful unexplainable feeling. It's universal, that feeling.

I wonder what the world will be like, if everyone was authentic. If someone walks into class, heads down, shoulders drooped , and a face then speaks of sadness, and then people around would also put off their mask of indifference. Sometimes we care, we just don't know how, and we hold back. But, if we truly care, then we should take ourselves out of the picture, and do as we can do best. Just go ahead, ask someone, if they're unwilling to say, then give them their space. But the rule is, never, ever stop trying. You never know, that one moment of might just make right everything.

As for those who are teh recipient of such gestures. Fine isn't good enough. How fine is fine? Is feeling lonely fine? Troubled fine? Depressed fine? Even if things is going well, it's always nice to add on a few details to help someone understand. Maybe people aren't sincere enough, maybe it's just a simple gesture intending for nothing, but well it does represent that slight interest in someone for you, however much. Or we could take it as a platform to grumble, or express something. The other party opened that door, it's for us to use it then hahax.

I think it would be nice if we could answer that question genuinely. In a certain way of course, we will be the one taking the first steps, as unnecessary to one being selfish, but really, does any of you want the whole world, to fall into a form of ritualistic, meaningless greetings that does no good in building relationships. If we really are looking for it, it'll take some work, some pain. It's the same for everything. Nothing comes free.

I dunno peeps. But it's like the Matrix. Do you want to live in a stimulated world where all is rosy, or live in reality, enjoy the essence of life, all amidst the hurts and sorrow, and through it appreciate true joy and growth. We could be animals living in the zoo, living the easy life, be greeted everyday with patronizing smiles, and be free in the wild, with every moment of freedom and life, and there might come starvation, there might come pain, but at least when the day your head lays to rest, you know, in your heart that life was indeed lived meaningfully well.

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