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Public Tears
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Memorable-ish experiences I had ._.
22thkinda broke down in front of zx and ivy. To the sheer depths of my own hurts, in a live emo version of me =P
Got me crying, and breaking into tears, even with the resurfacing of old patterns in managing that excruciating pain.Brought me back to that weak side of me, I cant get the feelings again, but I remember it being about my loneliness, weaknesses, and feeling helpless.Sparked off from a statement of me treating people like task, which I do not contest, bringing up my own feelings of hurt. Felt that no one was there for me, that throughout my life, I never really felt anyone treated me like a person either, let alone the knowledge of treating others like one. I haven't had anyone, sit down, and genuinely know me for who I am.For that which I feel close with, in a metaphorical analogy, things aren't lonely when I'm with people we meet outside my "home". It's nice to have people come out of their comfort to meet together, but does anyone bother to make an effort to enter mine? For people to come into my world, and love me.At least, I take comfort in knowing that for whatever little I receive, I give it back to others. But I think I wont be able to do that well as others, til I either learn the hard way, and have people teach me. On a side note, felt a whisper in my heart, when I spoke about me giving whatever litte I have. I suddenly felt reminded by the widow who gave little, but to God, she gave her all. Encouraged me to know that, it's the heart that matters.
But on the other hand also, it's nice to know the people around me. Although not fully compatible with my need, it's also their thought and effort that keeps me driving forward, in whichever way they give.Thanks dengz for the time and understanding. I may have been wrong in my words, but you know, I just hope you'd know that whatever our story, hurts and experiences, the very thing that makes the present worthwhile is our choices, to do what's right, or necessary, and I hope you'd do the same of the best measure of your capability.On a side note. Dam, it's super disturbing to see the uncle, cleaner at the hawkwer centre I cried at, stare back with these condescending, judgmental, digusted eyes. All because zx kept holding me and crying. LOL.Labels: God, memories, thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
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Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
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- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
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Public Tears
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Memorable-ish experiences I had ._.
22thkinda broke down in front of zx and ivy. To the sheer depths of my own hurts, in a live emo version of me =P
Got me crying, and breaking into tears, even with the resurfacing of old patterns in managing that excruciating pain.Brought me back to that weak side of me, I cant get the feelings again, but I remember it being about my loneliness, weaknesses, and feeling helpless.Sparked off from a statement of me treating people like task, which I do not contest, bringing up my own feelings of hurt. Felt that no one was there for me, that throughout my life, I never really felt anyone treated me like a person either, let alone the knowledge of treating others like one. I haven't had anyone, sit down, and genuinely know me for who I am.For that which I feel close with, in a metaphorical analogy, things aren't lonely when I'm with people we meet outside my "home". It's nice to have people come out of their comfort to meet together, but does anyone bother to make an effort to enter mine? For people to come into my world, and love me.At least, I take comfort in knowing that for whatever little I receive, I give it back to others. But I think I wont be able to do that well as others, til I either learn the hard way, and have people teach me. On a side note, felt a whisper in my heart, when I spoke about me giving whatever litte I have. I suddenly felt reminded by the widow who gave little, but to God, she gave her all. Encouraged me to know that, it's the heart that matters.
But on the other hand also, it's nice to know the people around me. Although not fully compatible with my need, it's also their thought and effort that keeps me driving forward, in whichever way they give.Thanks dengz for the time and understanding. I may have been wrong in my words, but you know, I just hope you'd know that whatever our story, hurts and experiences, the very thing that makes the present worthwhile is our choices, to do what's right, or necessary, and I hope you'd do the same of the best measure of your capability.On a side note. Dam, it's super disturbing to see the uncle, cleaner at the hawkwer centre I cried at, stare back with these condescending, judgmental, digusted eyes. All because zx kept holding me and crying. LOL.Labels: God, memories, thoughts
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