profile journal archives others follow+
God and Selflessness
Friday, January 7, 2011

God I hate you =.=

For making me selfless. And for giving me that strength.

Keeping my focus on looking outward rather than on myself suddenly moved my pain away. And all that wants and desires. Somehow, even when confronted with the source, I no longer feel my own pain and hunger, and in it I'm waiting to give out again.

Haaais. I forget every emo or sad feelings right after, that I would think stems from out of both humanness and selfish focus on oneself. Selfish in the sense of having the picture on ourselves, or me personally.

It feels like even though there's a whole lot of unresolved issues, and my desire to receive, I end up picking up my cup and pouring out my spare change into the other's cup instead. That outward force, urgh. Love? A renewed strength to keep giving, tapping on the source of divine strength.

It sucks and annoy me sometimes how good I somewhat am.

And to understand that I don't say it out of pride.

Take it as imagine if you had a heart for old folks and you saw one crossing a road with heavy bags and you're gonna be late for class but you cant help but friggin be compelled to help her even if you're gonna be late and you do it. Even if you dun want to. Some how you just do. And yeap. For a good done, it'll cost you that little bit. but no harm. But over and over again, it takes a little out of you. Your time, maybe your sleep, homework, leisure, maybe you're hungry for a meal, good time with a friend. But love costs, and it is always worth it. No matter how painful.

Hais. Naise =.= this time, it didnt even take a night. It was in a few seconds. Hais. A moment ago, my heart was at the lowest of depths, seconds later. I'm back on my feet. Dang. I don't even have a chance to emo, or ok, I do, but =.= not for long. Look at the vast contrast in emotion just seconds ago... (previous post) Unfair. LOL

Labels: , ,