profile
journal
archives
others
follow+
|
God and Selflessness
Friday, January 7, 2011
God I hate you =.=
For making me selfless. And for giving me that strength.
Keeping my focus on looking outward rather than on myself suddenly moved my pain away. And all that wants and desires. Somehow, even when confronted with the source, I no longer feel my own pain and hunger, and in it I'm waiting to give out again.
Haaais. I forget every emo or sad feelings right after, that I would think stems from out of both humanness and selfish focus on oneself. Selfish in the sense of having the picture on ourselves, or me personally.
It feels like even though there's a whole lot of unresolved issues, and my desire to receive, I end up picking up my cup and pouring out my spare change into the other's cup instead. That outward force, urgh. Love? A renewed strength to keep giving, tapping on the source of divine strength.
It sucks and annoy me sometimes how good I somewhat am.
And to understand that I don't say it out of pride.
Take it as imagine if you had a heart for old folks and you saw one crossing a road with heavy bags and you're gonna be late for class but you cant help but friggin be compelled to help her even if you're gonna be late and you do it. Even if you dun want to. Some how you just do. And yeap. For a good done, it'll cost you that little bit. but no harm. But over and over again, it takes a little out of you. Your time, maybe your sleep, homework, leisure, maybe you're hungry for a meal, good time with a friend. But love costs, and it is always worth it. No matter how painful.
Hais. Naise =.= this time, it didnt even take a night. It was in a few seconds. Hais. A moment ago, my heart was at the lowest of depths, seconds later. I'm back on my feet. Dang. I don't even have a chance to emo, or ok, I do, but =.= not for long. Look at the vast contrast in emotion just seconds ago... (previous post) Unfair. LOL
Labels: God, heart, memories
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
God and Selflessness
Friday, January 7, 2011
God I hate you =.=
For making me selfless. And for giving me that strength.
Keeping my focus on looking outward rather than on myself suddenly moved my pain away. And all that wants and desires. Somehow, even when confronted with the source, I no longer feel my own pain and hunger, and in it I'm waiting to give out again.
Haaais. I forget every emo or sad feelings right after, that I would think stems from out of both humanness and selfish focus on oneself. Selfish in the sense of having the picture on ourselves, or me personally.
It feels like even though there's a whole lot of unresolved issues, and my desire to receive, I end up picking up my cup and pouring out my spare change into the other's cup instead. That outward force, urgh. Love? A renewed strength to keep giving, tapping on the source of divine strength.
It sucks and annoy me sometimes how good I somewhat am.
And to understand that I don't say it out of pride.
Take it as imagine if you had a heart for old folks and you saw one crossing a road with heavy bags and you're gonna be late for class but you cant help but friggin be compelled to help her even if you're gonna be late and you do it. Even if you dun want to. Some how you just do. And yeap. For a good done, it'll cost you that little bit. but no harm. But over and over again, it takes a little out of you. Your time, maybe your sleep, homework, leisure, maybe you're hungry for a meal, good time with a friend. But love costs, and it is always worth it. No matter how painful.
Hais. Naise =.= this time, it didnt even take a night. It was in a few seconds. Hais. A moment ago, my heart was at the lowest of depths, seconds later. I'm back on my feet. Dang. I don't even have a chance to emo, or ok, I do, but =.= not for long. Look at the vast contrast in emotion just seconds ago... (previous post) Unfair. LOL
Labels: God, heart, memories
|