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Significance
Friday, November 19, 2010
Going through a emo season again. Thinking as though I was insignificant once again. It's like every little thing hitting me as though I'm not important, I don't mean a thing, or rather worst, that I'm a pest.blaaa, I know I know I'm not one, unless for those who really think so T^T haha but yea. Or maybe its a repercussion from me being such an ass in my reaction formation to people. Sometimes people make jokes about me which after awhile I begin to question it's reality. Is it a joke, or with it brings out some genuine feelings from them inside?Yup. Then as well, questioning my significance to people. Am I someone to them, not needed in like a big extravagant way, but just to know my existence to them, and that I've done something reasonably significant to them. Ha.Deep down, I know that certainly I'm more than just a random fella to some people, or to others, that I've impacted them. It's hard to keep assuring myself amidst all the doubts. That hunger for someone, to affirm you, to make you feel valued, as though you meant something.But ah, come on. Such things one be relied on others. In a world that holds back on its affirmation, either because of ingratitude or fears, sends a ripple outwards to those in needs. You see, that's why, even succumbing to fear is being selfish. Because you placed yourself in the center of focus, you missed out doing good in someone's life. Gotta keep fighting. For this reason too I enjoy giving random affirmations to people. Sometimes, instead of waiting for that someone to come, why not be that someone to others ^^It's not about how much problems you have, its about what you're gonna do about them.
I got an interesting dream a few nights back, and in most of my dreams, I'm semi conscious, meaning I'll do what I normally do if I was awake.I dreamt he died. It didnt feel like much pain at all. Maybe playing all the scenarios in my head over and over again had numbed me to it. Not sure if I was prepared, or just being cold heartless with the prospect of death. It wasn't the first time anyway. Or like when I look out of the window, imagining myself as one without them. What would I do. Will I break down and cry? Will my life be over? Will I be nonchalant? Will I pass the grieving stage, knowing there wouldn't be a need to? In my dream, I wondered to myself, knowing its illusion, if my inner scenarios of death will affect my reaction to it as it is in my dream. Dream consciousness ftw yea lolLabels: thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
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Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
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- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
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Significance
Friday, November 19, 2010
Going through a emo season again. Thinking as though I was insignificant once again. It's like every little thing hitting me as though I'm not important, I don't mean a thing, or rather worst, that I'm a pest.blaaa, I know I know I'm not one, unless for those who really think so T^T haha but yea. Or maybe its a repercussion from me being such an ass in my reaction formation to people. Sometimes people make jokes about me which after awhile I begin to question it's reality. Is it a joke, or with it brings out some genuine feelings from them inside?Yup. Then as well, questioning my significance to people. Am I someone to them, not needed in like a big extravagant way, but just to know my existence to them, and that I've done something reasonably significant to them. Ha.Deep down, I know that certainly I'm more than just a random fella to some people, or to others, that I've impacted them. It's hard to keep assuring myself amidst all the doubts. That hunger for someone, to affirm you, to make you feel valued, as though you meant something.But ah, come on. Such things one be relied on others. In a world that holds back on its affirmation, either because of ingratitude or fears, sends a ripple outwards to those in needs. You see, that's why, even succumbing to fear is being selfish. Because you placed yourself in the center of focus, you missed out doing good in someone's life. Gotta keep fighting. For this reason too I enjoy giving random affirmations to people. Sometimes, instead of waiting for that someone to come, why not be that someone to others ^^It's not about how much problems you have, its about what you're gonna do about them.
I got an interesting dream a few nights back, and in most of my dreams, I'm semi conscious, meaning I'll do what I normally do if I was awake.I dreamt he died. It didnt feel like much pain at all. Maybe playing all the scenarios in my head over and over again had numbed me to it. Not sure if I was prepared, or just being cold heartless with the prospect of death. It wasn't the first time anyway. Or like when I look out of the window, imagining myself as one without them. What would I do. Will I break down and cry? Will my life be over? Will I be nonchalant? Will I pass the grieving stage, knowing there wouldn't be a need to? In my dream, I wondered to myself, knowing its illusion, if my inner scenarios of death will affect my reaction to it as it is in my dream. Dream consciousness ftw yea lolLabels: thoughts
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