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Against Gravity
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Idling away...Today's finally a break for once, after 3 weeks of non stop chionging, not that it's fast but everyday had something on it, it's hard to find a day with nothing on the to-do-list.Woke up at 2pm and miraculously willed myself out for lunch, by myself cos I wanted a chill out. My willpower growing siolz. I didn't even on the com beforehand xD Planned on eating cheesy meltz from kfc lol. Met mom outside door and asked her out as well, though she already planned to cook baked spaghetti with oysters, yea good life sia me =PWas out talking with mom about relationships, and all my typical thoughts towards it, bla bla bla, shalln't be bothered to reiterate everything. Came back, opened barely finished essay, and then decided to watch Megamind, willpower fail =.= Haha, frankly, I got emoed a bit when watching, somewhere near the mid. I have no idea why whenever I watch or read about rejection, my heart burns with this dark flame from the inside out. Weird feeling but yea, wonder why. Or sometimes I sadistically replay scenarios in my head, engulfing it with an agony, giving it an effect like drugs. lol. that sinking feeling, I think if I do that long enough my heart's gonna like shift by 1cm from sinking non stop. But yea, dont worry, never did that for veh long time already =PFinished my essay around 8? haha dam funny seriously, every one is shocked whenever they hear that I'm making progress with my essay or for the fact that I did it pretty early. HAHA hooray for first assignment! and =.= yea, can you believe it. Their impression and expectation of me... I&E event is screwing up, dates gotta be changed cos most of the HI's cant make it. Haaais, I gave up. Wasn't gonna think anymore about it. I hate it whenever I gotta plan something like that. The poly life is so hectic, I cant trust in the future to give me a free date. Like how people who try arrange a date with me in the far future always get a maybe response from me. Heeey it's so long ahead, who knows what might happen or something more important rite. But anywayz for the HI event, sianz. Probably have to shift it a few months back, which again by then don't know what will happen already. I hate this feeling.Your passiveness allows gravity to suck you deeper. It only takes a step, a will. At the end of your life, is the really the way you want it? When you look back, can you face up to the things you could have done, for your friends, for the people around you, for those that care. If you wanna give up like that, why not at least do some good with it since you feel you'll fall anyway, go dare yourself to care, to do something you'd never believe in, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find life has more meaning than just living the pain away. That we are creators of who we want ourselves to be, that we aren't as weak and helpless as we thought we are towards these trials. I know how easy it is, how "fun" it is to dwell in the melancholy, but hey, you gotta realize this isn't doing you any good. I'm writing these messages all to you, because I can barely get to you anymore. I don't even know why I care. But whatever it is, be it if it has to kill me, or you, I just wanna see you get out of that mess, I wanna see you free, to be truly happy, to see life in you. I pray that you'll find strength, that you'll be strong and that you'll one day be well.It's just like standing. You fight against gravity; you fight against your self.Labels: thoughts
Darren Nico Pillai
Not-so-average teen, deep thinker, perfectionist with quirky randomness. Trained in the art of sarcasm and nonsensical logic.
Overcoming the circumstances of the present, and the issues of my past,
striving in self-betterment with a moral balance with the hope of the fulfillment of the destiny to be a light for Christ in His likeness,
spreading the love of God as how He first loved us
==============================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Hosanna -
Philosophy:
I like to think about life, especially pursuing on the concept of love. Not that lovey dovey romantic kind, but the affections we have for one another
that ties us together,strangers, friends, besties, family, that's the love I wanna know about. Love is the essence of life that ties us together,
love is what we were made for and to be, love is embracing the gift of the relationship with GOD.
Find me at Facebook and Twitter
Leave a message on my tagboard or drop me some questions if any.
Collection of inspirations and reminders: Nico_thoughts@Twitter
==============================================================
Against Gravity
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Idling away...Today's finally a break for once, after 3 weeks of non stop chionging, not that it's fast but everyday had something on it, it's hard to find a day with nothing on the to-do-list.Woke up at 2pm and miraculously willed myself out for lunch, by myself cos I wanted a chill out. My willpower growing siolz. I didn't even on the com beforehand xD Planned on eating cheesy meltz from kfc lol. Met mom outside door and asked her out as well, though she already planned to cook baked spaghetti with oysters, yea good life sia me =PWas out talking with mom about relationships, and all my typical thoughts towards it, bla bla bla, shalln't be bothered to reiterate everything. Came back, opened barely finished essay, and then decided to watch Megamind, willpower fail =.= Haha, frankly, I got emoed a bit when watching, somewhere near the mid. I have no idea why whenever I watch or read about rejection, my heart burns with this dark flame from the inside out. Weird feeling but yea, wonder why. Or sometimes I sadistically replay scenarios in my head, engulfing it with an agony, giving it an effect like drugs. lol. that sinking feeling, I think if I do that long enough my heart's gonna like shift by 1cm from sinking non stop. But yea, dont worry, never did that for veh long time already =PFinished my essay around 8? haha dam funny seriously, every one is shocked whenever they hear that I'm making progress with my essay or for the fact that I did it pretty early. HAHA hooray for first assignment! and =.= yea, can you believe it. Their impression and expectation of me... I&E event is screwing up, dates gotta be changed cos most of the HI's cant make it. Haaais, I gave up. Wasn't gonna think anymore about it. I hate it whenever I gotta plan something like that. The poly life is so hectic, I cant trust in the future to give me a free date. Like how people who try arrange a date with me in the far future always get a maybe response from me. Heeey it's so long ahead, who knows what might happen or something more important rite. But anywayz for the HI event, sianz. Probably have to shift it a few months back, which again by then don't know what will happen already. I hate this feeling.Your passiveness allows gravity to suck you deeper. It only takes a step, a will. At the end of your life, is the really the way you want it? When you look back, can you face up to the things you could have done, for your friends, for the people around you, for those that care. If you wanna give up like that, why not at least do some good with it since you feel you'll fall anyway, go dare yourself to care, to do something you'd never believe in, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find life has more meaning than just living the pain away. That we are creators of who we want ourselves to be, that we aren't as weak and helpless as we thought we are towards these trials. I know how easy it is, how "fun" it is to dwell in the melancholy, but hey, you gotta realize this isn't doing you any good. I'm writing these messages all to you, because I can barely get to you anymore. I don't even know why I care. But whatever it is, be it if it has to kill me, or you, I just wanna see you get out of that mess, I wanna see you free, to be truly happy, to see life in you. I pray that you'll find strength, that you'll be strong and that you'll one day be well.It's just like standing. You fight against gravity; you fight against your self.Labels: thoughts
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