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Simplistic Complexity
Friday, September 10, 2010

Haha thanks qy. You helped me in ways I think neither of us expected.

Was going through some serious emotional collapse somehow. Feeling super distraught and overwhelmed by everything. Kinda shut down to my being. However, talking about some stuffs with you sparked of new thoughts in my head and had me magically recharged as well as new reflective insights to myself. =)

Was on the topic of how I had problem relating to others, and come across the point of my difference in depth with most common folks. Not that I'm deeper than the rest, just that I'm waaaaay more frequent in doing so, it's like a habit for me.

The breakdown of communication kinda results from me having no idea how to communicate simply, and being able to relate to others, as well as having a tendency to be in my own deep world. Baaa, truth be told, I have completely no idea how to do so. I'm a failure at small talk and I'm always struggling to think of what to say next. Ok, I do have some ideas, when I watch what others do, like asking how's their days and sorts but overall, I'm a serious noob at progressing anything further. Kinda sucky though, as much as people say its easy, it's really one of the hardest things for me.

Yet another crucial mistake I made, was imposing the expectations of having others think deep as well. Constantly bombarding others with ways to have them think, I totally neglected their feelings by their ways of more simple less deep ._. However, I do enjoy trying to engage in deep conversations with others as I see it as a learning point, where I can not only understand more but gain extra perspectives and experiences as well.

I kinda grew up alone in my own world, retaining quite an introverted trait intensified by my 3 years of life behind doors. Much of these moments allowed me to deepen my insights of the things around me as well as to peer into the dynamics of the human interaction and mind in an analytical deep level most people don't see.

To me, all these deep thoughts are one of the best things in my life, allowing myself to understand myself better, my flaws, my thoughts, my overall yea, and in turn has enhanced me to think in a fairly different level than most people would. On a personal level, not to boast, but it's pretty awesome when I'm able to have a much wider, deeper and understanding of myself, where I can trace most behaviours back to its roots, or as Rogers or Freud would call it, I'm my own therapist :D And I think its quite important to know oneself well instead of living in a shadow region and doing some things aimlessly, or at least so, to have better knowing of how to deal with my problems much easier.

Then again, as much as many people dislike thinking deep or reflecting inwards is that most of us are avoiding ourselves. I think, we usually have the answers within us, either it's avoided or heavily suppressed to avoid all the anxiety and troubles we have when knowing our problems. Knowledge is responsibility, and it's when one has the awareness of an issue, there will always be that ever bugging feeling of responsibility to do something. But most of us are rather stay in a simplistic manner, holding on to the notion that "ignorance is bliss". True, life can be some what easier on the surface, but no matter what, there's always turmoil breeding underneath the grounds, and it's only a matter of time they catch up with you.

For now, I shall learn not to expect others to think, but maybe to encourage without imposing obligations? Gotta learn how to relate to others in less subjective and simpler terms. Hais self efficacy or what not, this is really a momentous learning stone for me, sometimes it doesn't even feel me, but for the positive side, I'm glad I had all these thoughts in my life though, I feel entitled to seeing a world pretty unknown to most people :D

Owells, I'll do what I can anyway. Funny how one sem ago I had to balance my super selfish deviant self, now I gotta learn to regulate the deep reclusive world of mine =P

Oh and woots, gonna leave unseen messages in my posts now :D yay like that I can post secrets without saving them as drafts hehehe~

Knowledge is power. And I'm gonna use it to do some good to the world.

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