I know I haven't been talking to anyone at all. Somehow there this urge in me to avoid everyone, hiding into this reclusive isolation. Wonder if it's me falling back into the mire of self pity or the reemergence of my past struggles.

I wish they'd know and understand, but it'd always end up with an erased message, and a reminder to myself its better off not being a burden to them. I'd explain myself but after repetitively hurting others, it becomes meaningless and pointless.

I wonder if I've done enough. Tried, given and sacrificed enough. Enough to make up for their worth in my life, enough to repay what they've done for me. I know I feel something for each and everyone that played a part in my life, yet I can't find the heart within myself to truly cherish and make them feel valued. Worse still, at this juncture of my life, I'm indifferent to the loss of people in my life, to the degree of even my family.

People reading this might ask, what exactly is it that I want. I ask myself that too, but I dun really know. Maybe to understand love, to feel that sense of excitement and anticipation while waiting to see a loved one. Maybe for someone to pull me out of this emotional abyss.

It's hard though, living with constant struggle between repression and facing my anxieties. I deeply desire companionship, yet fear the possibility of upsetting others, leading to their disapproval or even departure.

Maybe all I need is for someone to grab hold of me and slap reality back into me. Or maybe there's already ppl there, only that I'm blinded by the idealistic expectations I impose on myself and unknowingly those around too.

I know I haven't been talking to anyone at all. Somehow there this urge in me to avoid everyone, hiding into this reclusive isolation. Wonder if it's me falling back into the mire of self pity or the reemergence of my past struggles.

I wish they'd know and understand, but it'd always end up with an erased message, and a reminder to myself its better off not being a burden to them. I'd explain myself but after repetitively hurting others, it becomes meaningless and pointless.

I wonder if I've done enough. Tried, given and sacrificed enough. Enough to make up for their worth in my life, enough to repay what they've done for me. I know I feel something for each and everyone that played a part in my life, yet I can't find the heart within myself to truly cherish and make them feel valued. Worse still, at this juncture of my life, I'm indifferent to the loss of people in my life, to the degree of even my family.

People reading this might ask, what exactly is it that I want. I ask myself that too, but I dun really know. Maybe to understand love, to feel that sense of excitement and anticipation while waiting to see a loved one. Maybe for someone to pull me out of this emotional abyss.

It's hard though, living with constant struggle between repression and facing my anxieties. I deeply desire companionship, yet fear the possibility of upsetting others, leading to their disapproval or even departure.

Maybe all I need is for someone to grab hold of me and slap reality back into me. Or maybe there's already ppl there, only that I'm blinded by the idealistic expectations I impose on myself and unknowingly those around too.